Maximum Metal Rating Legend

Intronaut - Null - 2006 - Goodfellow Records

Track Listing1. Intro 2. Sores Will Weep 3. Fragments of Character 4. They (As in Them) 5. Burning These Days

“Null” is the first release, and EP, from technical hardcore/jazz/fusion/noise/bullshitcore Intronaut. Aside from a short intro track, it consists of four horrible, horrible songs. That was pretty blunt, wasn’t it? Aside from what I like to call the “Ritual Killer fiasco,” I have never thoroughly loathed any material I have received for review here at Maximum Metal. Until now. Bands from this “bullshitcore” scene (I had to make up a name for all of the retarded things that some musicians get up to these days) think that by playing offbeat riffs in totally random order, throwing in a guy playing the drums out of time, and some “br00tal” screams, they’ve got a good thing going. Sadly, for them and for us, they are very, very wrong indeed.

“Sores Will Weep” is simply a cacophony of noise for the sake of noise, something that anyone with half a brain won’t be able to stand. About halfway through, it slows down and attempts to take on a melodious beat. Thus, we are forced to deal with a pathetic attempt at being calming and artsy. The end result is a slow, sad death to what is probably the worst song ever written in mankind’s history. Congratulations, Intronaut, you’ve knocked Cher off her pedestal. To analyze the other three songs on the album will probably give me a brain hemorrhage, since I’ll be forcing myself to do something so horrible and painful. I honestly don’t think my body can cope. Instead of properly finishing this review, or giving you, the reader, some sort of “advice” as to whether or not I recommend this album, I will leave you with this: Never before have I wanted to personally strangle each and every member of a band for making a record so awful until now.

.5/10 (I’m giving them half a point because whoever drew the cover art did a decent job)

--Veritas 04.11.06