Interview with DM of the missing: by Nailer and Unholiestgoddess

So, how's life in New York treating ya?

Like it caught me sleeping with its wife, thanks.

For those rejects that aren't aware of your Godliness, tell everyone who you are?

My name is DM, and I front a gothic-metal band called the missing:. My Godlike status keeps me pretty busy, appearing in burritos and water stains and the like, so you may not have heard of me.

I'm sure you have the term "rock goddess" applied to you at times. Doesn't that make you feel a bit "icky"?

Yes it does, but all the little rocks that worship me would be very disappointed to hear me say so. Also the larger boulders.

How would you describe your music to people who haven't heard your band?

Goth enough for those rawing-pictures-of-bloody-roses-on-a-composition
-notebook-full-of-tortured-poetry suicidal moments, but metal enough to satisfy those times when you'd like to beat everyone around you to death with a bat. It's like the Frosted Mini Wheats of music.

Your CD/EP is entitled "bLEEd". What's the story behind the title?

The CD recording process was horrifically painful, both emotionally and financially. Immediately following the recording, the drummer quit and left us holding his share of the bill, and shortly afterward the bassist did the same. "Bleed" seemed like an accurate description of what was going on, and the weird capitalization thing came about through the cutting, which was real.

The cover features a chick with the CD title cut into her arm. That's you?

Yessiree. Do you not see how I suffer for my art? *staples hand to forehead in gothic fashion*

Any bigger labels expressing interest in the band or would you prefer to stay indie?

We just started pushing the CD, so we're not sure who's going to bite yet. I doubt we'd go with a bigger label even if they wanted us though, because they'd start messing around with everything and try to take control away. And we don't want some idiot in A&R telling us how to make our music.

How does the writing process come about for your band?

It's a lot like smashing your head into a wall repeatedly, only slightly more painful. Generally speaking, the band writes music that inspires something in me to write the melody and the lyrics. I don't have a book full of dark poetry sitting around just aching to be put to music; I wait and see what the music brings out of me. The music is the focus, the foundation, the important part. I immerse myself in it and it becomes a salve that draws infection out of me. I consider myself the least important part of the equation; I'm just the icing on the cake. Because who gives a fuck if the cake looks nice if it tastes like shit?

You seem to get tagged as a "goth" band frequently, but for me that would imply an older romanticism or a feeling of excessive mournfulness that I didn't get from your lyrics. Where do you think the tag comes from--maybe your onstage image or having a woman lead?

It's twofold. Partially it's because I look like a goth chick: nothing fancy, just a standard floor model with the hair and makeup and stuff. But it's also because of the music; I have a lot of goth/industrial in my background, and it tends to come out in the writing process. I mean, we originally started as a goth band, way back when. So even though we've morphed into a metal band, I think we still retain some melodic elements of the genre.

Your songs seem to be partly soft or outright angry, with little middle ground. Is it a reflection of anybody's personality?

Yup, that would be me. Some people say I'm a classic Gemini; that I'm like two opposite people in the same body. I think that's crazy. But *I* don't.

Your band is currently undergoing a lineup change, is that right?

Yes. As I mentioned earlier, two of the less-dedicated members took off before fulfilling their financial and performance obligations and we're looking to replace them. I won't say we lost them, because that would imply that we're sorry they're gone. But I would say that we're looking.

On a message board about women in heavy metal, there was this delicate quote from a guy: "This chick scares the piss out of me." And here is a quote from one of your reviews: "When you hear her sing, your dick is gonna shrivel to the size of a peanut in fear." This sounds pretty serious. What is your reaction to this? Should men be afraid of you?

The only men who are afraid of me are the ones who despise physically and/or mentally strong women. A lot of men fear women they can't control, and I certainly fit into that category. (Hell, even *I* can't control me!) Our society is hideously biased: a strong man is decisive and confident; a strong woman is a bitch. So call me a bitch if you want to. I relish it.

Being female, do you ever feel like you are not taken as seriously in the music industry as your male counterparts are? And what is the best way you've found to deal with that?

Certainly, especially in such a testosterone-fueled genre as metal. I think I've got enough balls to go toe-to-toe with any male out there, and when I play a show I put absolutely everything I have into it. I don't give a flying fuck about mincing around and looking pretty. I'm screaming like a lunatic and smashing myself in the head; I'm pouring water on myself to keep from passing out; my makeup is running and my clothes get torn and sometimes I end up bleeding. (Now that's my idea of a good show!) Anyway, on more than one occasion I've had guys come up to me and say things like, "Wow, I thought you guys were gonna suck, but you totally kicked my ass!" On one hand, that makes me feel great, like we converted someone, someone who didn't think that a girl could rock as hard as a guy. On the other, it makes me want to smash that guy in the head with something blunt and heavy: "Hey, fuck you, you sexist dickcheese!" So I've found the only way to deal with it is to smile, sign the CD and then run away as fast as I possibly can before I kill someone. Or myself.

In your opinion, are some of the behaviors of certain female musicians at least partly to blame for the lack of respect? What do you think needs to change?

Absolutely. I'm tired of seeing magazine cover stories of "Women In Rock!" that turn out to be five-page spreads of Pink or Gwen Stefani in their underwear with "fuck me" looks on their faces talking about their boyfriends. And pseudo-metal bands like Evanesence don't help matters. Yes, some chicks in rock are pretty and sing nicely and have songs about how they're nothing without some stupid boy or whatever. And some of us are fucking psychos who won't stand for that kind of crap from anybody and can sing when we want to and scream when we have to. I just wish these women would stop trying to be sex symbols or fashion plates and just be what the rest of their band members are…musicians. Is that so much to ask for?

I'm assuming you get the majority of the attention within the band. Any hard feelings from the other members?

Unfortunately, that's the price of being the frontperson – male or female – and I think some of our not-so-dearly departed members took issue with it. But I'm pretty sure the remaining members understand that I'm totally gung-ho about the band as a band and not the singer as a solo act (and that I'm quite ego-less to boot), so they deal with it just fine. Until a band is dripping with fame, the fact is that the singer is the mouthpiece and the face of the band. Period. (That's why you and I are talking now, is it not?) But let's say we get ridiculously popular one day. I would fully expect to see JJB on the cover of Guitar World or something like that all by himself, and he would be famous in his own right, and deservedly so. Until then, people want to talk to me, the singer. Which is unfortunate, because I'm kind of a retarded goofball. But what can you do.

The word "intense" is a mild description of both your music and the way you perform it. And you are an EMT (Emergency Medical Technician)? Definitely one hell of an intense job. Is there a pattern here? Do you crave intensity?

I think I do. I'm a very polar person; people either love me dearly or want me dead. And I kind of like that, in a way. Love me or hate me, I'm not a wallflower; I'm not the chick in the corner who's forgotten as soon as you meet her…I'd rather be hated than forgotten. So I guess the intensity of highs and lows (both on stage and at work) is something I naturally gravitate toward. Plus, I was never any good at Corporate America. I don't blindly follow or respect authority; it has to be earned with me. And I was the first one to let you know if you hadn't earned it, even if you were my manager, supervisor, or whatever. So that didn't exactly fly in the business world, for the brief amount of time that I was in it.

You've had some problems with fan-stalkers before? Elaborate on that, please.

Yes, although it surprised me as much as you. I once got this 4-page, double-sided, typewritten letter from some guy that started out detailing what I was wearing on stage the first time he saw me. Then it went on to what I had said to him backstage (something like, "Hi! Thanks for coming!") and what I smelled like. Yeah. Then it moved on to meeting his parents, and then eventually to marriage, our home together and our three children. Yeah. It kind of freaked me the fuck out. He even called me, although I had NEVER given him my number. That's pretty much when I stopped using my full name in any band context. Anyhoo, I went fucking bananas and set him straight. He never called or sent me anything ever again. Yikes.

O.K. Let's throw some fun stuff at you:

Knock yerself out. Although I was kinda having fun already.

You collect villains, eh? How many you got and who do you need/want?

I have all kinds of different villains in different forms (action figures, posters, etc.). Cartoon villains like El Seed (from the Tick), Sideshow Bob and Captain Hook to movie villains like Michael Myers, Pinhead and the Alien queen. Plus unconventional ones like The Spice Girls and Ozzy (although he's sort of mellow now, not like when he was biting heads off of things and stuff). Even temporary villains (like my Evil Krusty doll) are part of the collection. I love villains because to me, they're what make the story interesting. In short, they are the ones who make the hero The Hero. If I wanted to be really deep and cheesy, I could say that you need darkness and shadow to appreciate the light. But in reality, it's just that the villains are always WAY fucking cooler than the heroes. Like Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker. Please, no contest. Darth Vader RULES.

Your idea of a great villain is:
A. Juggernaut - big, strong, dumb
B. Lex Luthor - smart, rich, human
C. Darth Vader - dark, mechanical, remorseless
D. Satan - otherworldly, demonic, manipulative
E. Nailer - poor, smelly and retarded
F. Other

Trick question. "E" is not a villain, unless by your existence you make someone else a hero. Although it *did* make me laugh like an idiot when I read it.

The good news is you've been picked to star in a new reality TV show for four weeks centered around life in a New York loft. What 5 others would you want with you?

Flava Flav, Stephen Hawking, ‘Weird Al' Yankovic, Leslie Nielsen and my dear friend, affectionately-known as Gay Anthony.

Well, the bad news is, you're going to be with Jack Osbourne, Pauly Shore, Naomi Campbell, David Lee Roth and Johnny Cochran's dead corpse. Could you last the entire month?

That depends on how long it would take me to hang myself.

You're an EMT; if Nailer takes a second glance at you and falls on the ground faint from your hotness, busting his head open, swallowing his tongue and shitting his pants--how do you take care of him?

"I think I've got enough balls to go toe-to-toe with any male out there, and when I play a show I put absolutely everything I have into it."
First, I'd laugh my ass off. Then maybe I'd do a little dance in front of my partner: "HAHHA! I'm so cool I made someone die!" This dance would (of course) be very annoying to everyone around me. If your head injury was really awesome and gross, I might take a picture of it for my personal files. (On the record, naturally, I would NEVER do that. *ahem*) You can't really swallow your tongue, but I'd have to shove an airway down your throat unless you gagged on it to keep you breathing. And the shit would pretty much stay in your pants. That's what I call "A Whole Lotta Not My Problem"…the nurse's aide in the ER will clean you up after I drop you off. Sorry, buddy. It ain't me that'll be wiping you down. Tee-hee!

Who would win in a flaming, barbed wire, thumbtack match between--DM, Gwen Stefani and Sharon Osbourne?

There is really no contest here. Forget that Stefani chick, she's dead meat. I think if I just broke one of her nails she'd run away crying. But Sharon Osbourne kinda scares the crap outta me. So even though I'd win on psycho-ness and brute strength without question, I just don't wanna fight her in the first place. (Fer crying out loud, she tamed a man who BIT THE HEAD OFF OF A FUCKING BIRD! *shudder* How the fuck can I compete with that?) I think I'd negotiate a deal with my manager to not even meet her, never mind *fight* her; I think she's completely out of her mind. Plus, if cancer couldn't fucking kill her, how can I?

Did U see that Britney Spears is pregnant!!! Isn't it awesome and truly, truly outrageous! OMG!!!

OMFG! Like, that is like so totally awesome! I can't believe she didn't stay with Justin! ROTFL! Is that like, so tragic or WHAT? Because he is like, soooooo cute!

Do you have a tattoo of a dagger in a heart, a crying rose, a lizard, an ankh, a lower back tribal tat or the words "Property of _______" on your body anywhere?

Ohmigod, those are GREAT ideas! You know, I was thinking of getting a little butterfly tattoo next to my bellybutton piercing, so I can look super-cute when I thrust my navel at the camera during shows. And maybe a Tweety Bird too. Wouldn't that be so totally hip and rebellious of me? A tattoo and a piercing. Okay, now that I've finished laughing myself stupid…no ink. I do scar pretty easily though, and I have lots and lots of those. It's NOT attractive. You don't wanna know. And you don't wanna see them. Trust me.

Would you like to know the day of your death? What if your fate was to be trampled to death by a herd of angry PETA members trying to stop Fred Durst from eating a veal cutlet?

Unless it's today, which would help me a lot, no. And if I have to die stupidly, at least that's pretty fucking funny.

After you die, would you like your body:
A. buried
B. cremated
C. mummified
D. stuffed for display
E. sent to a body farm in West Virginia to rot in a rusty car trunk.

"E" sounds pretty attractive, but I'm gonna have to go with the unnamed "F": None Of The Above. I want my corpse to be hooked up with Disney-style animatronics that sit me up every hour or so during the wake, spin my head around and point and scream at the mourners: "Who are you fucking people and what did you bring me for sacrifice? Bring me your children so that I may eat them!"

Would you take a gold record award for "bLEEd", if in exchange, you have to have Tourettes Syndrome for a year?

I have a friend with Tourette's, so I can say that I've thought this out carefully. And the answer is: yes…but as long as there was A LOT of money involved, because we're really, REALLY broke, and Tourette's really, REALLY sucks. Besides, I'm so crazy, people think I have Tourette's anyway. As a bonus, I would use it as an excuse to curse out everyone I can't stand. "Hey, you stupid cunt!" "Hope you die, fuckface!" And so on.

Would you show your breasts on the Howard Stern Show if he would play a 30-second cut from your new CD?

I don't think my boobs are worth even 30 seconds, especially compared to the ones that appear on that show regularly. And even though I'd like to say yes, the answer would be a resounding NO. I've spent too long fighting the stereotype of the slutty band chick to give it up for 30 seconds of fame. I'd rather fail than get my fame through nippleage instead of talent, though it kills me to say that. But I strongly encourage our totally-hot and/or slutty female fans to show their boobs for us on the Howard Stern show. Often. For our benefit, or even just for us in private. Or me. In private. *ahem*

Maximum Metal Math test:
Take the number of men you've slept with...multiply by the number of shoes you own...add
the number of panic attacks you've had this month...minus the most cups of beer you've
drank at a party...divide by the number of cats you own--equals:

71, yikes! I think the panic attack number skewed everything totally crazy-like. I even had to write it down to make sure I got the math right. D'oh! I think I feel another one coming on right now…

If you had to speculate, would you say that Jesus was hung like a horse?

Believe it or not, I just read a global survey that found that Israeli men are not that well-hung, but I'm willing to give Our Savior the benefit of the doubt. Because I'm sure if he could turn water into wine, he could make even a few scant inches seem a lot more impressive. So I'd be willing to let him ride, at least one time.

Would you enjoy getting geographic tongue?

Yes. Yes I would. Thanks for asking.

Is it right that you once worked as a dominatrix? Was this for a club, your own clientele...whatever...please elaborate if you wish:

I was working in an ad agency by day and a dungeon by night. It paid $160 an hour, with half going to the house (I didn't feel comfortable taking private clients at the time). It was the best-paying job I ever had. Unfortunately, I had to quit because the owners were dealing drugs out of the office and some of the girls were turning tricks. I didn't want to be there when some undercover cop busted the place.

Ever whip somebody semi-famous like a mayor, senator or Andy Dick?

Usually the famous and important ones didn't want to be whipped, they wanted to be verbally humiliated. And once, I saw the owner of a very successful restaurant chain who was *flying* on coke; but all he wanted me to do was make little reflections on the ceiling with my compact mirror for hours, and after five or six, I walked away with almost a thousand bucks. That RULED.

What's your preference--whips, paddles, cuffs, chains, handcuffs...

Whatever suits the moment. ;)

What percentage of guys at your shows think that they can get in your pants?

Honestly, I find it hard to believe that there are any guys who are even thinking about it. I'm pretty sure that I scare them away. So to answer your question, I don't know. No one ever asks. Ever. Also, sometimes I wear a skirt. So I'm sure that would skew the numbers anyway.

Can you sing the words to Bon Jovi's "Livin' On A Prayer"?

Ummm…would it make me a loser to say yes? Because I could say no.

Is your audience full of vampires?

Not even one. But I'm sure that a lot of the goth kids think they are.

Has DM ever:
Been to a Star Trek convention: Yes.
Been to a nude beach: Dear god, no. We can all be thankful for that.
Sent flowers to a guy: Yes.
Been on Howard Stern: No.
Fired a gun: Yes, but to be fair it was during skeet shooting practice.
Eaten roadkill: No.
Been arrested: No.
Been to Italy: *sigh* No, but I'm working on it.
Faked an orgasm: Yes.
Streaked: No.
Found a wallet and kept the money: No.
Ate hot dogs with peanut butter: Ick! No.
Passed a little gas onstage No. But I *have* burped occasionally, and in fact I am a champion belcher. Disturbingly loud and on command. I am weirdly proud of this.
Wrote to a celebrity: When I was seven, I wrote to Spider Man. Does that count?
Seen a dead body up close: Every damn day, at my job. I've even poked at them.
Visited a fortune teller: Yes.
Made love in a sleeping bag: No.
Drawn a pot leaf on a notebook: No.
Smoked reefer with Snoop Dawg: No. But it makes me laugh to picture it.
Starred in an R. Kelly home movie: I think I've repressed most of those memories. Do you want me to show you on the doll where he touched me?
Shaved an old man for surgery: Did it have to be *necessary* surgery?
Scanned your boobs and sent them to a stranger: I once scanned my boobs (in color!) and left copies on the desk of everyone at my job, along with photocopies of my guitar player's middle finger. Yeah, I have no shame. Oddly enough, they never figured out it was me. Very sad.
Bought a Depeche Mode CD: Yes.
Thought you could read minds: I bet your next question is "Tried to douche with battery acid." Is it?
Tried to douche with battery acid: Today, or ever?
Danced on a table while drunk: No.
Stole makeup from a department store: No. But I once stole a pack of gum from a grocery store when I was seven and have been mentally flogging myself ever since.
Made love in a sleeping bag on a nude beach to a shaved, old, Italian listening to Howard Stern talk about Star Trek conventions while R. Kelly video taped you: What, were you following me last night or something?

Who posted your bail this morning so you could answer these silly questions?
My cat. Mainly because he can't figure out how to open the damn cat food can without opposable thumbs. Poor little bastard, it's not his fault that his brain is the size of a walnut.

O.K., enough of that.
Awww, I was having fun!

When are we gonna get a full CD from the band?

When someone gives us enough money to record more than an EP's worth. This shit ain't free, ya know. Why, are you offering?

Where can people go to get a hold of your new CD or see your shows?

The CD is available at cdbaby.com and amazon.com. And as soon as we replace the missing members (pun unavoidable), we'll be back onstage.

What can people expect from a show by the missing:?

Expect to walk away wanting more. But even if you don't like it, I promise you'll be entertained. For better or for worse.

Wanna send out some props for your favorite local bands?

YES! And thanks for asking! Go check out Crisis (www.crisissite.com), Mahavatar (www.mahavatar.net), Hydrovibe (www.hydrovibe.com), Tang (www.tang-123.com), Spider Rockets (www.spiderrockets.com) and Bottom (www.bottommusic.com).

Any last words or requests for everybody?

I can't thank our fans enough for their support. I mean, I'm not gonna write them into my will or anything, but I appreciate it. ;) And thanks to you for the interview. You rock!

DMFrank Hill, Unholiestgoddess5/5/2005

Frank Hill4/8/2005

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