F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Hate Eternal· Steel Prophet
· Vicious Mary· Carpathian Forest
· Symphorce· Dirty Power
· Overkill· Circle II Circle
· Seether· Advent
· Mortician· Liege Lord
· Wizard· Manowar
· Power of Omens· Valley's Eve
· The Chainsaw· Iced Earth
· Inner Rage of Emotion· Biomechanical
· Bloodbath· Sevendust
· Runemagick· Kilfast
· Victory· Axenstar
· Duke· Savatage
· Vhaldemar· Windseeker
· Thunderstone· Edguy
· Primal Fear· Asperity
· Body Count· Devil To Pay
· UFO· Bleeding Inc
· Skyfire· Nova Lex
· Low Earth Orbit· Jorn
· U.D.O.· Marillion
· Iron Angel· Zaius
· Schenker/ Pattison Summit· Krokus
· Chapter VIII· Vox Tempus
· Lilitu· Rhapsody of Fire
· Occult· Dark Age
· Tearabyte· Lullacry
· Nashville Pussy· Katagory V
· Scavenger· Internal Bleeding
· Jamie. St. James· GWAR
· Mine· Incantation
· Within Temptation· Negative Creeps
· Agnostic Front· Tsjuder
· John Oliva's Pain· Motley Crue
· Kings X· Belef
· Loudblast· Korpiklaani
· Strikelight· Tarot
· Mechanical Poet· Suidakra
· Icarus Witch· the missing:
· Cemetary· Novembers Doom
· Pure Inc· Strapping Young Lad
· Thunderblast· Ramesses
· Sinisthra· Burden Of Grief
· Embraze· Astarte
· Amorphis· Kult ov Azazel
· Nuse· Slik Helvetika
· Devil Lee Rot· A Lower Deep
· Mercyful Fate· Lake Of Tears
· Monster Magnet· Crystal Fate
· Blood Thirsty Demons· Ewigkeit
· Mistress· Akercocke
· Crystal Ball· Spellbound
· Mastermind· Celebratum
· Motorhead· Absu
· Early Man· From This Day
· Craft· Fallen Wisdom
· Totalisti· Witchery
· The Berzerker· The Ocean
· Valhalla· Cataract
· Nicodemus· Speed/Kill/Hate
· Upon Infliction· Amon Amarth
· Agalloch· Burialmound
· Hurt· Zero Hour
· Pretty Maids· Wastefall
· Eighteen Visions· E-lane
· Better Left Unsaid· Kotipelto
· Handful of Hate· The Gathering
· Melechesh· Hardcore Superstar
· Battered· Merciless Death
· Incrave· White Wizzard
· Textures· Pentacle
· Manes· Retrospective
· Lipstick Magazine· Hearse
· Randy Ellefson· Mongrel
· Night Ranger· Mass Extinction
· Shining Star· Demonic Symphony
· Pop Evil· Godhead
· Equilibrium· The Lamp of Thoth
· Medieval Steel· Faded Hope
· Winterfylleth