F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Cathedral· The Kovenant
· Steel Prophet· The Haunted
· Immolation· Misery Index
· Goatwhore· Machine Head
· Norma Jean· Rawhead Rexx
· Fozzy· God Dethroned
· October 31· Brainstorm
· Supervillain· Saint
· Fireball Ministry· Victory
· Beautiful Creatures· Eidolon
· Tad Morose· Thunderstone
· Wicked Sensation· Deivos
· Tesla· Silver Mountain
· Killik· Ebony Ark
· Messiah's Kiss· Bleeding Inc
· Jorn· Spiral Madness
· Schenker/ Pattison Summit· Mob Rules
· After Forever· Killswitch Engage
· Rhapsody of Fire· Dio
· Potential Threat SF· Medusa
· Otep· Theocracy
· Chris Caffery· Six Feet Under
· Jackyl· Hanzel Und Gretyl
· Kinetic· Bloody Sign
· The Mighty Nimbus· Divine Fire
· Entombed· Miles Beyond
· Blood Red Throne· Hellfueled
· Korpiklaani· Mechanical Poet
· Suidakra· Backyard Babies
· John Sykes· Kaamos
· Meshuggah· Soul SirkUS
· Debris Inc.· Fire Alley
· Ramesses· Grand Magus
· Shade Empire· Nightrage
· Ivory Knight· Python
· Unshine· Evemaster
· Gaia· Killing Spree
· Power Quest· Wetwork
· Sheavy· Flotsam & Jetsam
· Future is Tomorrow· Monster Magnet
· Evergrey· Violent Storm
· Forever Slave· Casus Belli
· The Firstborn· The Absence
· Phantom X· Damnation
· Cryogen· Dreamland
· Doomfoxx· Wolfmother
· Mastermind· Sinocence
· The Tenth Circle· God Forbid
· Vanquished· Dismember
· Grimfist· Enforsaken
· Totalisti· Naked Beggars
· Ephel Duath· Nightmare
· Steep· Tris Katone
· Boris· Manngard
· Elvenking· Speed/Kill/Hate
· TK-421· Royal Hunt
· Spawn of Possession· Theater of Tragedy
· Suzukiton· Hydrogyn
· Pretty Maids· Belphegor
· The Abominable Iron Sloth· Wastefall
· Oblomov· Lupara
· Sathanas· E-lane
· Winger· Demise
· Starkweather· Lecherous Nocturne
· Urkraft· Onslaught
· Zyklon· Dezperadoz
· Marc Sasso· Trouble
· Rob Zombie· The Wonderfools
· Funeral· Echoes of Eternity
· Keldian· Pathosray
· Night Ranger· Distorted
· Shining Star· Ost Est Ima
· Father Befouled· Blood Haven
· Manilla Road· To-Mera
· Armory· Hacksaw Surgery
· Something Beautiful· Sotajumala