F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Demons and Wizards· LA Guns
· Loudness· Steel Prophet
· Vehemence· Tiamat
· Deceased· Seether
· Fozzy· Lamb of God
· Legend· Carnal Forge
· Pyn Siren· Nicta
· Dragonforce· Thunderbolt
· Curriculum Mortis· Rage
· Sludge!· Eidolon
· Thunderstone· Pink Cream 69
· Edguy· Brides of Destruction
· Deivos· Mother Misery
· Force Of Evil· Soil
· TNA· I Hate Sally
· Gothic Knights· Jag Panzer
· Babylon Mystery Orchestra· Cyst
· Joe Stump· Acrid
· Vox Tempus· Rhapsody of Fire
· Psychotron· Potential Threat SF
· Aina· Medusa
· Z02· Polterchrist
· Chris Caffery· Marshall Law
· Incantation· The Lizards
· Overlorde· Seventh One
· Tristania· Code Black
· Scenteria· The Mighty Nimbus
· Entombed· Crionics
· Kamelot· Dirt
· Seige of Hate· Vicious Circle
· Car Bomb· Angtoria
· Nevermore· Oathean
· Pure Inc· Magica
· Operatika· Ivory Knight
· Disbelief· Defleshed
· Blind Stare· Dark Funeral
· Goddess Of Desire· Unchained
· Slik Helvetika· Prowler Inc.
· Supagroup· Cannon
· Agents Of The Sun· Warchild
· Redemption· The Atomic Bitchwax
· Illuminatus· Evergrey
· Savage Circus· Avenged Sevenfold
· Damnation· Balatonizer
· Spellbound· Cryogen
· Overmars· Ram-Zet
· Skullshifter· Dragonlord
· Torture Killer· Virgin Steele
· Nocturnal Rites· Beecher
· Machina· Taunusheim
· Sodom· Nobody's Fool
· Brother Hawk· Pile of Heads
· Powerglove· Naked Beggars
· Poison· Beyond Fear
· Daylight Dies· The Berzerker
· Cryptopsy· Viron
· Phoenix Mourning· Warrant (Amer)
· Hate Profile· Black Crucifixion
· Michael Orlando· Gorgoroth
· Suzukiton· Amon Amarth
· Fleshgore· Shadows Within
· Setherial· Myon
· Zoroaster· Rotting Christ
· Teeth of the Hydra· Eighteen Visions
· Audrey Horne· Demise
· Deicide· Celtic Frost
· Centinex· Warmachine
· The Gathering· With Passion
· In This Moment· Old Man's Child
· Zyklon· Nagelfar
· Pantera· Mithras
· Divine Empire· Pentacle
· Nominon· Tears
· Glorior Belli· Blut Aus Nord
· Temple Of Blood· Destynation
· Diamond Dogs· Orthodox
· Bilocate· Mortiis
· Witchfinder General· SOS
· Godhead· Equilibrium
· Sin· UFOmammut
· Papa Roach· Nasty Idols
· Eighteen Wheels Burning· Sotajumala
· Suspyre· Earthen Grave