F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Bathory· White Skull
· BloodDuster· Carpathian Forest
· Perzonal War· Kataklysm
· Kalibas· Advent
· Ravage· Led Zeppelin
· H.I.M.· Tungsten
· Agony Divine· Nicta
· Catch 22· Inner Rage of Emotion
· Artension· Stryper
· Vhaldemar· Silent Scythe
· Pharaoh· Primal Fear
· Slayer· Fraise
· Probot· Deivos
· Dew Scented· Neverland
· Fear Factory· Soil
· Black Stone Cherry· Yngwie Malmsteen
· Cryonic Temple· Scala Mercalli
· Exodus· Evanescence
· Leash Law· Outworld
· Nova Lex· Low Earth Orbit
· Velvet Revolver· Jorn
· Zaius· Cyst
· Hatework· House of Lords
· De Lirium's Order· Chapter VIII
· Skeletonwitch· Lilitu
· After Forever· Tearabyte
· Eternal Flight· Chris Caffery
· Overlorde· Behemoth
· Twisted Sister· Creed
· Azrael's Bane· Code Black
· Crowbar· Motley Crue
· Cradle To Grave· Audiovision
· The Apocalyptic Riders· Miles Beyond
· Shatterpoint· Yyrkoon
· Desire Black· Apocalyptica
· Cemetary· God Fear None
· Boomerang· Pure Inc
· Holy Moses· Kryoburn
· Throes of Dawn· Pro-Pain
· Def Leppard· Astarte
· Manntis· Amorphis
· Supagroup· Killing Spree
· Nightvision· Agents Of The Sun
· Blitzkrieg· Flotsam & Jetsam
· Painmuseum· Future is Tomorrow
· Peccatum· Monster Magnet
· Violent Storm· ASG
· Vinterriket· Ghost Machinery
· Damnation· Even X
· Crystal Ball· Cryogen
· Gojira· Ram-Zet
· Wolfmother· Chain Collector
· The Classic Struggle· Absolution
· Absu· Machina
· End of Level Boss· Brother Hawk
· Craft· Fallen Wisdom
· Katatonia· Tandjent
· Blackmore's Night· Lair Of The Minotaur
· Hell-Born· Degree Absolute
· Moonspell· The Ocean
· Valhalla· Athanator
· Candlemass· Bludgeon
· Stormcrow· Black Crucifixion
· Vengeance· Hydrogyn
· Amon Amarth· Warface
· Mouth of the Architect· I
· Pump· Setherial
· Oblomov· Lesbian Bed Death
· Escape The Fate· Winger
· Extium· Starkweather
· Centinex· Warmachine
· Threat Signal· Lord Belial
· Zyklon· Blood of the Black Owl
· Passion· Pentacle
· Malevolent Creation· Faith And Fire
· Temple Of Blood· Keldian
· Dantesco· Averse Sefira
· Glenn Hughes· Shining Star
· Puscifer· Moonshine
· Souls Of We· Mar De Grises
· Deadsea· End of Man
· Cursed· Luna Mortis
· Crown The Lost