F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· HammerFall· In Flames
· The Kovenant· Leng Tch'e
· Scanner· Opeth
· Vicious Mary· Big Dumb Face
· Immolation· Misery Index
· Mondo Generator· Exmortem
· Disturbed· Regurgitate
· Seven Witches· Helloween
· Overkill· Godsmack
· Nazareth· Rawhead Rexx
· Liege Lord· Legend
· Masterplan· Firewind
· Wizard· Power of Omens
· Black Label Society· Carnal Forge
· Cage· Alchemy X
· Vyndykator· Conquest
· Ion Vein· Endless Time
· Black Sabbath· Mourning Beloveth
· Sludge!· Eidolon
· Windseeker· Thunderstone
· Stalker· Drillpoint
· Pharaoh· Wicked Sensation
· Lacuna Coil· Brides of Destruction
· Fairyland· Black Stone Cherry
· Cryonic Temple· Riot
· Evanescence· Leash Law
· David Shankle Group· Icon And The Black Roses
· Skyfire· Disarmonia Mundi
· Low Earth Orbit· Chapter VIII
· Scorpions· Joey Belladonna
· Saxon· Potential Threat SF
· Eternal Flight· Marshall Law
· Slowlife· Jamie. St. James
· Negative Creeps· Overlorde
· The 7 Method· Triumph
· Napalm Death· Sonata Arctica
· Mercenary· Kinetic
· Veni Domine· Astral Doors
· Hibria· Car Bomb
· Desire Black· Icarus Witch
· Boomerang· Pure Inc
· Holy Moses· Strapping Young Lad
· Impiety· Naglfar
· Brand New Sin· Darkane
· Kult ov Azazel· Power Quest
· Alice Cooper· Devil Lee Rot
· Flotsam & Jetsam· The Scourger
· V:28· ASG
· Overloaded· Sun O)))
· Infliction· Motorhead
· Machina· Early Man
· Sodom· Thryfing
· Tandjent· Poison
· Wolves in the Throne Room· Fields Of The Nephilim
· Hell-Born· Boris
· Event Horizon· Leviathan/Sapthuran
· Viron· Vore
· Ampast· Elvenking
· Cavalar· Black Crucifixion
· Before Silence· Cult of Luna
· Smohalla· Hydrogyn
· Scary Manilow· Ynis Vitrin
· Vicious Rumors· Setherial
· Oblomov· Mastodon
· Satyricon· Twinball
· Biolich· Obtest
· Sathanas· E-lane
· Better Left Unsaid· Celtic Frost
· Warmachine· Omnium Gatherum
· Manticore· Mindgrinder
· The Chronicles of Israfel· Grenouer
· Five Finger Death Punch· The Prophecy
· Divine Empire· Trenchfoot
· Blut Aus Nord· Malevolent Creation
· David Galas· Sworn Enemy
· Himsa· Keep of Kalessin
· Mongrel· Alkemyst
· Orthodox· Father Befouled
· Manilla Road· Vulture Industries
· To-Mera· Embalming Theatre
· Souls Of We· Celestia
· Mar De Grises· Bible Of The Devil
· End of Man· Something Beautiful
· DC4· Raven
· Uli Jon Roth· Suspyre