Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank

Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]

<< back >>

· LA Guns· Slipknot
· White Skull· Grave Digger
· Cradle of Filth· Seven Witches
· Solace· Helloween
· Warhorse· Queensryche
· Nazareth· Majesty
· Ring of Fire· Liege Lord
· Widowmaker· Dark Moor
· Legend· Power of Omens
· Black Label Society· Conquest
· Hammerwhore· The Chainsaw
· Tungsten· Exawatt
· Byfist· Shakra
· SelfInflicted· Curriculum Mortis
· Mourning Beloveth· Dream Weaver
· Crystal Eyes· Nordheim
· Sinergy· Stryper
· Savatage· Stalker
· Pink Cream 69· Dew Scented
· TNA· Shiva
· Devil To Pay· Riot
· Ebony Ark· Epica
· Gamma Ray· U.D.O.
· Zaius· Judas Priest
· Hatework· Chapter VIII
· Skeletonwitch· Dio
· Wintersun· Nashville Pussy
· Division· Age Of Silence
· Mine· Arch Enemy
· Agnostic Front· Made of Iron
· Tsjuder· Cryme
· Kinetic· Code Black
· Helgrind· Ligeia
· Soilwork· Astral Doors
· Yyrkoon· Strikelight
· Desire Black· Apocalyptica
· Kaamos· Oathean
· Soul SirkUS· Throes of Dawn
· Def Leppard· Astarte
· Naglfar· Ektomorf
· Darkane· Sentenced
· Dark Funeral· Unshine
· Kult ov Azazel· Voyager
· Slik Helvetika· Prowler Inc.
· Alice Cooper· Cannon
· Sheavy· Blitzkrieg
· Nuclear Assault· Octavia Sperati
· Future is Tomorrow· Peccatum
· Orphaned Land· Monster Magnet
· Crystal Fate· Violent Storm
· Penetrator· Winterfell
· Overloaded· Bolt Thrower
· Third Degree· Paths Of Possession
· Phantom X· Mistress
· Avulsed· Midnight Idols
· Bronx Casket Company· Vanquished
· Nocturnal Rites· Absolution
· Early Man· Nobody's Fool
· Brother Hawk· Ampast
· Non-Human Level· Sun Descends
· Vengeance· Nachtmystium
· Paul Bonrud· Sahg
· Ynis Vitrin· Death Breath
· Pretty Maids· Belphegor
· Lecherous Nocturne· Urkraft
· Phazm· Lost Eden
· Merciless Death· Incrave
· Textures· Rob Zombie
· Denial Fiend· Warner Drive
· Blut Aus Nord· Ulcerate
· Nation Beyond· Echoes of Eternity
· Keldian· Alkemyst
· Cockpit· 40 Below Summer
· Gutted With Broken Glass· Aetherius Obscuritas
· Mar De Grises· End of Man
· Sin· Nasty Idols
· Battleroar· Uli Jon Roth
· Dark Castle