Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank

Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]

<< back >>

· Cathedral· Demons and Wizards
· Racer X· Loudness
· Slipknot· The Haunted
· Children Of Bodom· Vicious Mary
· Twilight Odyssey· Mondo Generator
· Tiamat· Grave Digger
· Goatwhore· December
· Symphorce· Warhorse
· Queensryche· Fozzy
· Sickspeed· Masterplan
· Abigor· Power of Omens
· Circle of Nero· Ion Vein
· Agony Divine· SelfInflicted
· Thunderbolt· Kilfast
· Axenstar· Halloween
· Krisiun· Primal Fear
· Brides of Destruction· Secret Sphere
· Dew Scented· Soil
· Shiva· Killik
· Superchrist· downBleed
· W.A.S.P.· David Shankle Group
· Disarmonia Mundi· U.D.O.
· Dragonspoon· Schenker/ Pattison Summit
· Bonfire· Unleashed
· Black Destiny· Images of Eden
· Dio· Beaten Back To Pure
· Potential Threat SF· Aina
· Theocracy· Valume Nob
· Neurosis· Witchburner
· Overlorde· Mirror of Deception
· Creed· Bloody Sign
· Emerald Sun· Gods Of Fire
· Rottweiller· Belef
· Requiem Aeternam· Dirt
· Carina Alfie· Ravensthorn
· Chuck Schuldiner· the missing:
· Crimson Moonlight· Antares
· Marduk· Omegalord
· Drunkard· Chastain
· Fire Alley· Thunderblast
· Sinisthra· Biss
· Astarte· Manntis
· Amorphis· Maximum Overdrive
· Dynamic Lights· Monolithe
· Killing Spree· Alice Cooper
· Fates Warning· Resurrecturis
· Holy Blood· The Scourger
· Loits· Mercyful Fate
· Orphaned Land· Winterfell
· Casus Belli· Algol3
· Dechrist· Even X
· Mistress· Dreamland
· Ram-Zet· Bronx Casket Company
· Dogs Of Winter· Detonation
· Nocturnal Rites· End of Level Boss
· Sodom· End My Sorrow
· Fallen Wisdom· Poison
· Dissection· Tris Katone
· Boris· Phoenix Mourning
· The Smackdown· The Furor
· Apiary· Sun Descends
· Fragments of Unbecoming· She Said Destroy
· Skid Row· Agalloch
· Skyforger· The Ruins of Beverast
· Death Breath· The Abominable Iron Sloth
· Eighteen Visions· Biolich
· Obtest· Lordi
· Panzerchrist· The Showdown
· Cheva· Demise
· Lecherous Nocturne· Urkraft
· Twisted Into Form· The Gathering
· Diagnose: Lebensgefahr· Threat Signal
· Battered· The Chronicles of Israfel
· Madking Ludwig· Old Man's Child
· Mithras· Hacride
· Rob Zombie· Trenchfoot
· Himsa· Temple Of Blood
· Mass Extinction· Shining Star
· Cockpit· 40 Below Summer
· The Obsessed· Witchfinder General
· Blood Haven· Straight Line Stitch
· Equilibrium· Virgin Black
· Sin· Ihsahn
· Something Beautiful· Mustasch
· Raven· Suspyre
· Dark Castle