F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Into Eternity· Racer X
· Opeth· Sinner
· White Skull· BloodDuster
· Immolation· Misery Index
· Impellitteri· December
· Nazareth· Lamb of God
· Legend· Crematorium
· Masterplan· Led Zeppelin
· October 31· Johnny Lokke
· Pyn Siren· Pelican
· Saint· Paragon
· Fireball Ministry· Morbid Angel
· King Diamond· Sinergy
· Beautiful Creatures· Stryper
· Guardians Of Time· Tad Morose
· Stalker· Halloween
· Slayer· Wicked Sensation
· Out of the Lair· Soul Reaper
· Doro· Fairyland
· Mother Misery· Three Inches of Blood
· Cryonic Temple· Construcdead
· Exodus· Bang The Union
· Freakhouse· Epica
· David Shankle Group· Icon And The Black Roses
· Van Helsing’s Curse· Gamma Ray
· Nova Lex· Jorn
· Schenker/ Pattison Summit· Destructor
· Joe Lynn Turner· Therion
· Joey Belladonna· Unleashed
· Meliah Rage· Shadows Fall
· Beaten Back To Pure· Occult
· Otep· Polterchrist
· Made of Iron· Behemoth
· Avenue F· Feared Creation
· Helgrind· Ligeia
· The Mighty Nimbus· Miles Beyond
· Kamelot· Labyrinth
· Heartcry· Hellfire
· Soulscar· Suidakra
· Nevermore· Stormwarrior
· Marduk· Omegalord
· Magica· Chastain
· Operatika· Neil Turbin
· Ignitor· Throes of Dawn
· Slumber· Green Carnation
· Groundcrew· Raging Speedhorn
· Astarte· Naglfar
· Maximum Overdrive· Kult ov Azazel
· Circus Maximus· Dynamic Lights
· Slik Helvetika· Prowler Inc.
· Supagroup· Sebastian Bach
· Gaia· Power Quest
· Love Forsaken· Blitzkrieg
· Monster Magnet· Forever Slave
· Savage Circus· Ghost Machinery
· Damnation· Thrones
· Cryogen· Midnight Idols
· Celebratum· Motorhead
· Vanquished· Vader
· Taunusheim· End My Sorrow
· Second Shadow· Ephel Duath
· Steep· Degree Absolute
· Ampast· Imagika
· Swashbuckle· Time Requiem
· Skyforger· Hurt
· The Finals· Zoroaster
· Eighteen Visions· Biolich
· Lupara· Obtest
· Lordi· Cheva
· Extium· Starkweather
· Steve Cone· Twisted Into Form
· Melechesh· Lord Belial
· Mindgrinder· Necrophobic
· Old Man's Child· Dezperadoz
· Cattle Decapitation· White Wizzard
· Satariel· Rob Zombie
· Hellveto· Keep of Kalessin
· Ensiferum· Hell N' Diesel
· Mongrel· Distorted
· Glenn Hughes· Shining Star
· The Obsessed· Straight Line Stitch
· Luna Mortis· Nasty Idols
· Battleroar