F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· In Flames· The Great Deceiver
· Anthrax· Impellitteri
· Twisted Tower Dire· Circle II Circle
· Nazareth· Ring of Fire
· Iron Maiden· Fozzy
· Sickspeed· Crematorium
· Wizard· Power of Omens
· Dr. Butcher· Led Zeppelin
· Ion Vein· Tungsten
· Shakra· Paragon
· Biomechanical· Mourning Beloveth
· Dream Weaver· Guardians Of Time
· Silent Scythe· Stalker
· Halloween· Secret Sphere
· Hard Echo· Death Angel
· Yngwie Malmsteen· Superchrist
· Scala Mercalli· Madison Paige
· W.A.S.P.· Nova Lex
· Lonewolf· Brutal Mastication
· Feinstein· Lilitu
· Shadows Fall· Aina
· Nashville Pussy· Marshall Law
· Internal Bleeding· Throcult
· Made of Iron· Tsjuder
· Karmakanic· Avenue F
· Napalm Death· Mercenary
· Of Infinity· Cradle To Grave
· Audiovision· Blood Red Throne
· Lost Soul· Crionics
· Kamelot· Strikelight
· Desire Black· Diecast
· Cemetary· Pure Inc
· Bleed The Sky· Axis Of Perdition
· Magica· Debris Inc.
· Operatika· Burden Of Grief
· Shade Empire· Def Leppard
· Hatesphere· Groundcrew
· Defleshed· Taake
· Slik Helvetika· Horna
· Gemini 5· Frameless Scar
· Alice Cooper· Cannon
· Wetwork· Morgana Lefay
· Flotsam & Jetsam· Peccatum
· Monster Magnet· ASG
· Third Degree· Balatonizer
· Thrones· Doomfoxx
· Overmars· Wolfmother
· The Classic Struggle· Celebratum
· Zero Down· The Tenth Circle
· Dogs Of Winter· Beecher
· Taunusheim· Insense
· Mental Care Foundation· Sepultura
· Wolves in the Throne Room· Fields Of The Nephilim
· Nightmare· Clawfinger
· Cryptopsy· Degree Absolute
· Leviathan/Sapthuran· Manngard
· Pyramaze· Bal-Sagoth
· Vreid· Candlemass
· Down Factor· Bludgeon
· Sun Descends· Swashbuckle
· Hydrogyn· Ynis Vitrin
· Fleshgore· Abominant
· Setherial· The Abominable Iron Sloth
· Obtest· Demise
· Darkness Eternal· Urkraft
· Warmachine· Diagnose: Lebensgefahr
· With Passion· In This Moment
· Crescent Shield· Old Man's Child
· Nagelfar· Passion
· Textures· Five Finger Death Punch
· Divine Empire· Gotthard
· Lipstick Magazine· Sworn Enemy
· Architect· Depressed Mode
· Cauldron· Frosthardr
· Distorted· Mass Extinction
· Pathology· Dantesco
· Averse Sefira· Glenn Hughes
· Bilocate· Deceiver
· Burzum· Armory
· Hacksaw Surgery· Intolerant
· Celestia· Winterfylleth
· Sotajumala· Caliban
· Suffocation