F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Anvil· Leng Tch'e
· Nightwish· Sinner
· Steel Prophet· Children Of Bodom
· Vicious Mary· Big Dumb Face
· Exmortem· Goatwhore
· Solace· Mark Boals
· Usurper· God Dethroned
· Power of Omens· Vyndykator
· October 31· Hammerwhore
· Agony Divine· Inner Rage of Emotion
· Kilfast· Rage
· Dream Weaver· Rob Rock
· Axenstar· Tad Morose
· Silent Scythe· Halloween
· Slayer· Dew Scented
· Hard Echo· Black Stone Cherry
· Drowning Pool· Funerus
· Riot· Kingcrow
· Epica· Skyfire
· Metalium· Fabrizio Bonanno
· Krokus· Insomnium
· Chapter VIII· Unleashed
· Dream Evil· Metal Church
· Potential Threat SF· Valume Nob
· Necrodemon· Tartharia
· Mine· Acheron
· Negative Creeps· Overlorde
· Twisted Sister· Dark Tranquillity
· Fifth Cross· Gods Of Fire
· Entombed· Seige of Hate
· Quiet Riot· Sabaton
· Strikelight· Suidakra
· Crimson Moonlight· Bleed The Sky
· Drunkard· Magica
· Soul SirkUS· Operatika
· Thunderblast· Circus Maximus
· Nuse· Killing Spree
· Thor· Fates Warning
· Wetwork· Flotsam & Jetsam
· Mercyful Fate· Peccatum
· Before The Dawn· Bolt Thrower
· Ghost Machinery· Even X
· Ram-Zet· Vile
· Wolfmother· Asrai
· Chain Collector· Celebratum
· Absolution· Beecher
· Decapitated· Second Shadow
· Across Tundras· Powerglove
· Katatonia· Poison
· Event Horizon· Warrant (Amer)
· Bal-Sagoth· Imagika
· Cavalar· Down Factor
· Bludgeon· Dreams of Damnation
· Cult of Luna· Fragments of Unbecoming
· Jotunspor· Suzukiton
· Smohalla· She Said Destroy
· Paul Bonrud· Fleshgore
· Woodtemple· Hurt
· Audrey Horne· Kotipelto
· Lecherous Nocturne· Handful of Hate
· Skullflower· Twisted Into Form
· Warmachine· Omnium Gatherum
· Static-X· Lord Belial
· Merciless Death· Mendeed
· Trouble· Chrome Division
· The Prophecy· Katrina Johansson
· Antigama· Aborted
· Warner Drive· Trenchfoot
· Hearse· Randy Ellefson
· Hellveto· Hell N' Diesel
· Diamond Dogs· Night Ranger
· Distorted· Gutted With Broken Glass
· Last Stone Cast· Puscifer
· Trinacria· The More I See
· End of Man· Cursed
· Sin· Ihsahn
· Sotajumala