F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· The Kovenant· LA Guns
· Lost Horizon· The Haunted
· Big Dumb Face· Rebellion
· Grave Digger· Narziß
· Twelfth Gate· Twisted Tower Dire
· Celestial Ode· Warhorse
· Majesty· Mark Boals
· Widowmaker· Ravage
· Alchemy X· October 31
· Sinergy· Guardians Of Time
· Whitesnake· Wicked Sensation
· Out of the Lair· Iron Savior
· Volbeat· Death Angel
· Celesty· UFO
· Kingcrow· Gamma Ray
· Velvet Revolver· Jorn
· Marillion· Ministry
· Brutal Mastication· Spiral Madness
· Joe Stump· Therion
· Insomnium· Chapter VIII
· Meliah Rage· Skeletonwitch
· Rhapsody of Fire· Images of Eden
· Shadows Fall· Tearabyte
· Otep· Annihilator
· Age Of Silence· Z02
· Internal Bleeding· Neurosis
· The Project Hate· Incantation
· The Last Act· Overlorde
· Tsjuder· Cryme
· Tristania· Sonata Arctica
· Milkweed· Kinetic
· Paradise Lost· Motley Crue
· Entombed· Belef
· Requiem Aeternam· Maze Of Torment
· Soilwork· Mystic Prophecy
· Samael· Severe Torture
· Chaoswave· Pure Inc
· Magica· Fire Alley
· Impiety· Blind Stare
· Graveworm· Subterranean Masquerade
· Slik Helvetika· Monolithe
· Leaves Eyes· Killing Spree
· Power Quest· Alice Cooper
· Widow· Sheavy
· Blitzkrieg· Lake Of Tears
· Redemption· V:28
· Eternal Reign· Evergrey
· Bolt Thrower· Sun O)))
· Casus Belli· Running Wild
· Savage Circus· Ram-Zet
· Midnight Idols· Skullshifter
· Dragonlord· Bronx Casket Company
· Dismember· Beecher
· Machina· Craft
· Pile of Heads· Naked Beggars
· Wolves in the Throne Room· Cryptopsy
· The Smashup· Vreid
· Stormcrow· TK-421
· Abysmal Dawn· Apiary
· Theater of Tragedy· Before Silence
· Cult of Luna· She Said Destroy
· Hydrogyn· Nachtmystium
· Psycroptic· Shadows Within
· I· Death Breath
· Anata· The Finals
· Myon· Zoroaster
· Isis· Starkweather
· Deicide· Blood Tsunami
· Diagnose: Lebensgefahr· Threat Signal
· Terry Sullivan· The Chronicles of Israfel
· Satariel· Chrome Division
· Pantera· Retrospective
· Blut Aus Nord· Hearse
· Temple Of Blood· Ensiferum
· Destynation· Pathosray
· Heresi· Night Ranger
· The Obsessed· Last Stone Cast
· Vulture Industries· Moonshine
· Equilibrium· The More I See
· Iron Fire· Sin
· Eighteen Wheels Burning· Sotajumala
· Uli Jon Roth