F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Anvil· HammerFall
· Vehemence· Grave
· Twilight Odyssey· Deceased
· Anthrax· Impellitteri
· Deranged· Twisted Tower Dire
· Solace· Circle II Circle
· Nazareth· Firewind
· Metallica· Led Zeppelin
· Exawatt· Endless Time
· Nicta· Catch 22
· Inner Rage of Emotion· Thunderbolt
· Artension· Wycked Synn
· Mourning Beloveth· Victory
· Lanfear· Evanesce
· Rob Rock· Mnemic
· Primal Fear· Wicked Sensation
· Hard Echo· Neverland
· Volbeat· Black Stone Cherry
· Superchrist· Disarmonia Mundi
· Gamma Ray· Low Earth Orbit
· Jorn· U.D.O.
· Lonewolf· Acrid
· Krokus· Rhapsody of Fire
· Wintersun· Lullacry
· Medusa· Theocracy
· Katagory V· Valume Nob
· Marshall Law· Jungle Rot
· House of Shakira· Arch Enemy
· The Last Act· Ironhorse
· Seventh One· Jackyl
· Creed· John Oliva's Pain
· Mercenary· Feared Creation
· Code Black· Crowbar
· Motley Crue· Gods Of Fire
· Image· The New Breed
· Rottweiller· Veni Domine
· Quiet Riot· Apocalyptica
· Diecast· Crimson Moonlight
· Antares· Stormwarrior
· Freedom Call· Boomerang
· Derek Sherinian· Omegalord
· Magica· Axel Rudi Pell
· Holy Moses· Operatika
· System Of A Down· Throes of Dawn
· Biss· Naglfar
· Amorphis· God Among Insects
· Darkane· Dynamic Lights
· Voyager· Sebastian Bach
· Dam· Killing Spree
· Devil Lee Rot· Resurrecturis
· Wetwork· Sheavy
· Havochate· Future is Tomorrow
· Redemption· Orphaned Land
· Twilight· Savage Circus
· Vinterriket· Crystal Ball
· Vile· Asrai
· Celebratum· Zero Down
· Dogs Of Winter· Khold
· Virgin Steele· Absolution
· Insense· Nobody's Fool
· Craft· Across Tundras
· Tandjent· Cannibal Corpse
· 286· Fields Of The Nephilim
· Scum· Cryptopsy
· Manngard· Pyramaze
· Hirax· The Sword
· Michael Orlando· Before Silence
· Fragments of Unbecoming· Jotunspor
· Unsilent Phenomenon· Smohalla
· Destruction· Paul Bonrud
· Warface· Shadows Within
· Setherial· Battle Bratt
· Wastefall· Thy Majestie
· Rotting Christ· Sathanas
· E-lane· Winger
· Darkness Eternal· Deicide
· Static-X· Chrome Division
· Pantera· Gotthard
· Manes· Hearse
· Frosthardr· Mass Extinction
· Dantesco· Ride The Sky
· Father Befouled· Armory
· Kiuas· Son of Eric
· Luna Mortis· Coffins
· Ihsahn· Uli Jon Roth