F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Demons and Wizards· Racer X
· Mudvayne· Children Of Bodom
· Chaingunn· Stratovarius
· Cradle of Filth· Commit Suicide
· Dirty Power· Gun Barrel
· Seven Witches· Steel Attack
· Lamb of God· Manowar
· Dr. Butcher· Carnal Forge
· Circle of Nero· Supervillain
· Black Sabbath· Catch 22
· SelfInflicted· Biomechanical
· Dragonforce· Chainsnap
· Wycked Synn· Rob Rock
· Mnemic· Silent Scythe
· Stalker· Murdercycle
· Project: Failing Flesh· Brides of Destruction
· Dew Scented· Devil To Pay
· Jaw· Ebony Ark
· Cans· Donnerkopf
· Van Helsing’s Curse· Highlord
· Lonewolf· Fabrizio Bonanno
· Devil In The Kitchen· Mob Rules
· Fireaxe· Ungodly
· Imp· Dio
· Wintersun· Megadeth
· I.C.E.· Jungle Rot
· Internal Bleeding· Mine
· Arch Enemy· Haunted By Angels
· Overlorde· Tsjuder
· Avenue F· Scenteria
· Emerald Sun· Helgrind
· Ligeia· Korpiklaani
· Alex Skolnick Trio· Boomerang
· Derek Sherinian· Axel Rudi Pell
· Operatika· Callenish Circle
· Raintime· Babylon
· Throes of Dawn· Nightrage
· Ivory Knight· Embraze
· God Among Insects· Communic
· Ektomorf· Subterranean Masquerade
· Sentenced· Dark Funeral
· Goddess Of Desire· Supagroup
· Killing Spree· Clutch
· Blitzkrieg· A Lower Deep
· Octavia Sperati· Mercyful Fate
· Peccatum· Black Majesty
· Eternal Reign· Before The Dawn
· Penetrator· Bolt Thrower
· The Firstborn· Mabon
· Akercocke· Doomfoxx
· Mastermind· Dragonlord
· Hate· Decapitated
· Vader· Early Man
· Insense· Pile of Heads
· Across Tundras· Southern Black Sand
· Katatonia· Cannibal Corpse
· Intronaut· Thyrane
· Valhalla· The Smashup
· TK-421· Apiary
· Jotunspor· War Within
· The Ruins of Beverast· Death Breath
· Belphegor· Oblomov
· Semargl· Mastodon
· Cult of Daath· Venom
· E-lane· Panzerchrist
· Celtic Frost· Handful of Hate
· Phazm· Skullflower
· Melechesh· Threat Signal
· Onslaught· Throne of Katarsis
· Dream Theater· Blood of the Black Owl
· Trouble· Pantera
· Five Finger Death Punch· Gotthard
· Hacride· Rob Zombie
· Manes· Kruger
· Nation Beyond· Ensiferum
· Cauldron· Pathosray
· Frosthardr· Spheric Universe Experience
· Dantesco· Glenn Hughes
· Shining Star· Cockpit
· Gutted With Broken Glass· Jesus Martyr
· Kreator· Hacksaw Surgery
· Bible Of The Devil· End of Man
· Caliban