F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Anvil· Cave In
· Leng Tch'e· Nightwish
· Scanner· Grave
· White Skull· Poisonblack
· Goatwhore· December
· Machine Head· Norma Jean
· Usurper· Steel Attack
· Mortician· Legend
· Firewind· Dr. Butcher
· Alchemy X· Ion Vein
· Endless Time· Inner Rage of Emotion
· Fireball Ministry· Morbid Angel
· Axenstar· Savatage
· Vhaldemar· Hypocrisy
· Slayer· Asperity
· Iron Savior· Neverland
· Node· Scala Mercalli
· Evanescence· Outworld
· Amityville Whore· Edge Of Forever
· Nova Lex· Low Earth Orbit
· De Lirium's Order· Krokus
· Insomnium· Joey Belladonna
· Skeletonwitch· Dream Evil
· Dark Age· Katagory V
· Annihilator· Valume Nob
· Internal Bleeding· Throcult
· Conquestador· Negative Creeps
· Overlorde· Agnostic Front
· Seventh One· Jackyl
· Hanzel Und Gretyl· Dark Tranquillity
· John Oliva's Pain· Bloody Sign
· Cradle To Grave· Audiovision
· Soilwork· Seige of Hate
· Shatterpoint· Yyrkoon
· Hellfire· Desire Black
· Carina Alfie· the missing:
· Darkthrone· Oathean
· Lord Gore· Debris Inc.
· Swallow The Sun· Fastkill
· Grand Magus· Burden Of Grief
· Pro-Pain· Python
· Leaves Eyes· Nightvision
· Devil Lee Rot· The Scourger
· Future is Tomorrow· Redemption
· Orphaned Land· Bolt Thrower
· Algol3· Avenged Sevenfold
· Even X· Doomfoxx
· Overmars· Mastermind
· Celebratum· Gorefest
· Detonation· Vanquished
· Absu· Decapitated
· Nobody's Fool· Tandjent
· Poison· Ephel Duath
· Nikki Puppet· Wolves in the Throne Room
· Nightmare· Daylight Dies
· Scum· The Berzerker
· Dissection· Viron
· Elvenking· Athanator
· Nicodemus· TK-421
· Upon Infliction· Gorgoroth
· Vengeance· Swashbuckle
· Nachtmystium· Sahg
· Skid Row· Agalloch
· Hurt· Myon
· Semargl· Eighteen Visions
· Obtest· Demise
· Darkness Eternal· Extium
· Starkweather· With Passion
· Onslaught· Battered
· Manticore· Necrophobic
· Merciless Death· Grenouer
· White Willow· Almah
· Aborted· Blut Aus Nord
· Throneum· Hell N' Diesel
· Distorted· Averse Sefira
· Deceiver· Manilla Road
· Moonshine· Intolerant
· Medieval Steel· Iron Fire
· Luna Mortis· Crown The Lost
· Caliban· DC4