Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank

Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]

<< back >>

· Cave In· In Flames
· Nightwish· Poisonblack
· Norma Jean· Skullview
· Seven Witches· Helloween
· Fozzy· Dark Moor
· Late Nite Romeo· Circle of Nero
· Evolution· Biomechanical
· Dragonforce· Morbid Angel
· Crystal Eyes· Nordheim
· Guardians Of Time· Tad Morose
· Stalker· Halloween
· Hypocrisy· Project: Failing Flesh
· Soul Reaper· Fairyland
· Hard Echo· Volbeat
· Soil· Killik
· Gothic Knights· Devil To Pay
· Exodus· Riot
· Messiah's Kiss· Graveland
· Nova Lex· Low Earth Orbit
· U.D.O.· Black Zodiac
· De Lirium's Order· Vox Tempus
· Marshall Law· Necrodemon
· Jungle Rot· Neurosis
· Dark Ruin· The Last Act
· Overlorde· Made of Iron
· Anger· Tristania
· Triumph· Betrayer
· Azrael's Bane· Fifth Cross
· Bloody Sign· Cradle To Grave
· The New Breed· Corrosion Of Conformity
· Crionics· Impaled
· Maze Of Torment· Soilwork
· Tarot· Heartcry
· Soulscar· Cemetary
· Kaamos· Severe Torture
· Bleed The Sky· Axis Of Perdition
· Fire Alley· Kinrick
· Ramesses· Grand Magus
· Slumber· Nightrage
· Green Carnation· Biss
· Graveworm· Goddess Of Desire
· Gemini 5· Leaves Eyes
· Alice Cooper· Cannon
· Clutch· Future is Tomorrow
· Lake Of Tears· Illuminatus
· Russell Allen· Evergrey
· Blood Thirsty Demons· Penetrator
· Ignarus· Twilight
· Avenged Sevenfold· The Absence
· Damnation· Doomfoxx
· Gojira· Vile
· Dogs Of Winter· Detonation
· Hate· End of Level Boss
· Taunusheim· Craft
· Naked Beggars· Upwards of Endtime
· Wolves in the Throne Room· Clawfinger
· Degree Absolute· Manngard
· Pyramaze· Hirax
· Stormcrow· Ensoph
· Dawn of Azazel· Fragments of Unbecoming
· Suzukiton· Unsilent Phenomenon
· Bloodbound· Smohalla
· Hydrogyn· Nachtmystium
· Agalloch· From the Grave
· Vicious Rumors· The Abominable Iron Sloth
· Wastefall· Zoroaster
· Cult of Daath· Darkness Eternal
· Extium· Kotipelto
· Skullflower· Blood Tsunami
· Madking Ludwig· Old Man's Child
· Merciless Death· Zyklon
· Grenouer· Almah
· Divine Empire· Pentacle
· Rob Zombie· Manes
· Malevolent Creation· Faith And Fire
· Keldian· Mass Extinction
· Deceiver· Ost Est Ima
· Demonic Symphony· Virgin Black
· Intolerant· Place Of Skulls
· Wolfgate· Battleroar
· DC4