F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Cave In· Hate Eternal
· Lost Horizon· Loudness
· Steel Prophet· The Great Deceiver
· Vehemence· Carpathian Forest
· Regurgitate· Cradle of Filth
· Goatwhore· Twisted Tower Dire
· Machine Head· Dirty Power
· Warhorse· Iron Maiden
· Angel Dust· Cage
· Conquest· Paragon
· Steel Preacher· Axenstar
· Vhaldemar· Drillpoint
· Attacker· DevilDriver
· Slayer· Mother Misery
· Fear Factory· Volbeat
· Shiva· I Hate Sally
· Silver Mountain· Cryonic Temple
· Jag Panzer· downBleed
· Madison Paige· Wolf
· Highlord· Gary Moore
· Black Zodiac· Spiral Madness
· Dimmu Borgir· Juggernott
· Mob Rules· Joey Belladonna
· Unleashed· Black Destiny
· Saxon· Nashville Pussy
· Theocracy· Throcult
· Conquestador· The Lizards
· Acheron· Overlorde
· Behemoth· Rush
· Twisted Sister· Creed
· Triumph· Code Black
· Cradle To Grave· Entombed
· Lost Soul· Requiem Aeternam
· Sabaton· Mechanical Poet
· Backyard Babies· Stormwarrior
· Kaamos· Severe Torture
· Oathean· Pure Inc
· Bleed The Sky· Frantic Bleep
· Gizmachi· Sinisthra
· Throes of Dawn· Groundcrew
· Raging Speedhorn· Agents Of Man
· Dark Funeral· Goddess Of Desire
· Evemaster· Leaves Eyes
· Ritual Killer· Power Quest
· Nightvision· Morgana Lefay
· The Atomic Bitchwax· Eternal Reign
· Monster Magnet· Violent Storm
· Dirty Americans· Blood Thirsty Demons
· Bolt Thrower· The Firstborn
· Third Degree· Shattersphere
· Savage Circus· Thrones
· Gojira· Vile
· Dismember· Insense
· From This Day· Enforsaken
· Second Shadow· Witchery
· Sepultura· Powerglove
· The Ocean· Valhalla
· Silver Dirt· Elvenking
· Ensoph· Dawn of Azazel
· Royal Hunt· Psycroptic
· Skyforger· Wednesday 13
· Oblomov· Isis
· Mastodon· Teeth of the Hydra
· Venom· Obtest
· Lordi· E-lane
· Darkness Eternal· Starkweather
· Kotipelto· Skullflower
· Blood Tsunami· Battered
· Necrophobic· Old Man's Child
· Merciless Death· Nagelfar
· Cattle Decapitation· Passion
· Textures· Pentacle
· Nominon· Rob Zombie
· Antigama· Denial Fiend
· Nation Beyond· Fight
· Sworn Enemy· Frosthardr
· Pathology· Averse Sefira
· Gutted With Broken Glass· Jesus Martyr
· Pop Evil· Blood Haven
· Armory· Bible Of The Devil
· Son of Eric· Place Of Skulls
· Luna Mortis· UFOmammut
· Battleroar· Mustasch
· Caliban