F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Leng Tch'e· Racer X
· White Skull· Tiamat
· Rebellion· Goatwhore
· Skullview· Warhorse
· Queensryche· Usurper
· Mortician· Sickspeed
· Masterplan· Wizard
· Angel Dust· Powergod
· Late Nite Romeo· Valley's Eve
· Cage· Brainstorm
· Byfist· Supervillain
· Paragon· Godiva
· Rage· Victory
· Assrockers· Malstrom
· Mnemic· Tad Morose
· Murdercycle· DevilDriver
· Funerus· Riot
· Freakhouse· UFO
· Madison Paige· Deep Purple
· Edge Of Forever· Gamma Ray
· Ministry· Hatework
· Feinstein· Schenker/ Pattison Summit
· Acrid· Krokus
· Insomnium· Goatsnake
· Lilitu· Killswitch Engage
· Metal Church· Scavenger
· Internal Bleeding· Neurosis
· The 7 Method· Behemoth
· Karmakanic· Triumph
· Sonata Arctica· Cradle To Grave
· Ligeia· Divine Fire
· Korpiklaani· Seige of Hate
· Mechanical Poet· Suidakra
· Icarus Witch· Chaoswave
· Derek Sherinian· Pure Inc
· Frantic Bleep· Magica
· Fire Alley· Operatika
· Swallow The Sun· Neil Turbin
· Callenish Circle· Slumber
· Pro-Pain· Hatesphere
· Defleshed· Sothis
· Ektomorf· Ritual Killer
· Cannon· Fates Warning
· Devil Lee Rot· Iron Maidens
· A Lower Deep· Black Majesty
· Penetrator· Sun O)))
· 1349· The Firstborn
· Third Degree· Paths Of Possession
· Balatonizer· Mistress
· Cryogen· Infliction
· Mastermind· Skullshifter
· Motorhead· Enforsaken
· Thryfing· Southern Black Sand
· Intronaut· Daylight Dies
· Hell-Born· Scum
· Clawfinger· Event Horizon
· Moonspell· Viron
· Dream Or Nightmare· Hirax
· The Strongest Proof· Apiary
· Non-Human Level· Swashbuckle
· Hydrogyn· Amon Amarth
· Sahg· Skid Row
· Zero Hour· Abominant
· Cult of Daath· Venom
· E-lane· Quest of Aidance
· Phazm· Hardcore Superstar
· Threat Signal· Battered
· Zyklon· Chrome Division
· Textures· Mithras
· Katrina Johansson· Transmission 0
· Retrospective· Wuthering Heights
· Blut Aus Nord· Nation Beyond
· Randy Ellefson· Keep of Kalessin
· Ensiferum· Heresi
· Shining Star· Father Befouled
· Demonic Symphony· Trivium
· To-Mera· Medieval Steel
· Mar De Grises· Son of Eric
· End of Man· Coffins
· Giant Squid· Suspyre