F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Slipknot· White Skull
· Exmortem· Disturbed
· Solemnity· Grave Digger
· Kataklysm· Norma Jean
· Seven Witches· Warhorse
· Queensryche· Godflesh
· Mortician· Sickspeed
· Legend· Supervillain
· Catch 22· Sevendust
· Morbid Angel· Evanesce
· Stryper· Silent Scythe
· DevilDriver· Wicked Sensation
· Probot· Fairyland
· Hard Echo· Killik
· Scala Mercalli· Ebony Ark
· Madison Paige· Bleeding Inc
· W.A.S.P.· Gamma Ray
· Nova Lex· Velvet Revolver
· Lonewolf· Black Zodiac
· Dragonspoon· Joe Stump
· Joe Lynn Turner· Fireaxe
· Dio· Otep
· Eternal Flight· Z02
· I.C.E.· Necrodemon
· Six Feet Under· The Lizards
· Ironhorse· Agnostic Front
· Anger· Karmakanic
· Rush· Betrayer
· Fifth Cross· Code Black
· Crowbar· Gods Of Fire
· Crionics· Soilwork
· Shatterpoint· Icarus Witch
· Angtoria· Nevermore
· John Sykes· Diecast
· Antares· Alex Skolnick Trio
· Novembers Doom· Bruce Dickinson
· Sinisthra· Def Leppard
· Nightrage· Rudra
· Mirador· Maximum Overdrive
· Brand New Sin· Sentenced
· Kult ov Azazel· Voyager
· Secrets She Kept· Slik Helvetika
· Sebastian Bach· Alice Cooper
· Widow· Impaled Nazarene
· Loits· Mercyful Fate
· Peccatum· Bolt Thrower
· 1349· Forever Slave
· Barcode· Mabon
· Dreamland· Gojira
· Celebratum· Torture Killer
· Gorefest· Absu
· Beecher· Machina
· Sodom· Enforsaken
· Fallen Wisdom· Across Tundras
· Intronaut· Poison
· Wolves in the Throne Room· Clawfinger
· Stormcrow· TK-421
· Apiary· Upon Infliction
· Fragments of Unbecoming· Jotunspor
· Suzukiton· Amon Amarth
· Psycroptic· Scary Manilow
· Jeff Walker und Die Fluffers· Pump
· Setherial· Wastefall
· Thy Majestie· Amputated
· Zoroaster· E-lane
· Escape The Fate· Extium
· Celtic Frost· Phazm
· Stonegard· Hardcore Superstar
· Manticore· Marc Sasso
· Chrome Division· Ulcerate
· Nation Beyond· Randy Ellefson
· Depressed Mode· Keldian
· Blood Haven· Straight Line Stitch
· Manilla Road· To-Mera
· Embalming Theatre· Souls Of We
· Uriah Heep· The More I See
· Ihsahn· Mustasch
· Earthen Grave