F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Anvil· Cathedral
· Leng Tch'e· Mudvayne
· Nightwish· Big Dumb Face
· BloodDuster· Neck
· Stratovarius· Dirty Power
· Helloween· Warhorse
· Queensryche· Circle II Circle
· Seether· Majesty
· Iron Maiden· Sickspeed
· Metallica· Late Nite Romeo
· Carnal Forge· Ion Vein
· Endless Time· SelfInflicted
· The Graveyard Boulevard· Evanesce
· Crystal Eyes· Tad Morose
· Edguy· Primal Fear
· DevilDriver· Project: Failing Flesh
· Asperity· Secret Sphere
· Dreamaker· F5
· Fear Factory· Three Inches of Blood
· Superchrist· W.A.S.P.
· Graveland· Nova Lex
· Hatework· Devil In The Kitchen
· Joe Lynn Turner· Therion
· Unleashed· Metal Church
· Psychotron· Images of Eden
· Shadows Fall· Beaten Back To Pure
· Z02· I.C.E.
· Marshall Law· Internal Bleeding
· Throcult· Mine
· Negative Creeps· Overlorde
· Agnostic Front· Cryme
· Tristania· Scenteria
· Ligeia· Kamelot
· Hibria· Hellfire
· Mystic Prophecy· Darkthrone
· Diecast· Crimson Moonlight
· Freedom Call· Pure Inc
· Meshuggah· Shade Empire
· Slumber· Pro-Pain
· Blind Stare· Astarte
· Agents Of Man· God Among Insects
· Maximum Overdrive· Sentenced
· Secrets She Kept· Nuse
· Monolithe· Prowler Inc.
· Widow· Wetwork
· Havochate· Holy Blood
· Morgana Lefay· Warchild
· Nuclear Assault· Dragonia
· Dirty Americans· 1349
· Twilight· Savage Circus
· Ewigkeit· Vinterriket
· Paths Of Possession· Damnation
· Thrones· Crystal Ball
· Cryogen· Gojira
· Skullshifter· Khold
· Motorhead· Nocturnal Rites
· Grimfist· Fallen Wisdom
· Across Tundras· Southern Black Sand
· Blackmore's Night· Intronaut
· The Ocean· Warrant (Amer)
· Vreid· Athanator
· Cataract· Nachtmystium
· Vicious Rumors· Woodtemple
· Hurt· Jeff Walker und Die Fluffers
· Pump· Setherial
· Steve Cone· Blood Tsunami
· Omnium Gatherum· Dream Theater
· Lord Belial· Crescent Shield
· Cattle Decapitation· Mendeed
· Chrome Division· Pantera
· Mithras· The Prophecy
· Since the Day· Antigama
· Lipstick Magazine· The Wonderfools
· Fight· Hell N' Diesel
· Keldian· Mass Extinction
· Averse Sefira· Ride The Sky
· Rosetta· Father Befouled
· Aetherius Obscuritas· Straight Line Stitch
· Hacksaw Surgery· Bullet For My Valentine
· Medieval Steel· Mar De Grises
· The More I See· Son of Eric
· Mustasch· Sotajumala
· Suspyre