F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Nightwish· Steel Prophet
· BloodDuster· Immolation
· Karaboudjan· Poisonblack
· Perzonal War· Stratovarius
· Cradle of Filth· Helloween
· Godsmack· Vaginal Carnage
· Sickspeed· Powergod
· God Dethroned· Power of Omens
· Dr. Butcher· The Chainsaw
· Ion Vein· Endless Time
· SelfInflicted· Thunderbolt
· Chainsnap· Curriculum Mortis
· Runemagick· Axenstar
· Mnemic· Tad Morose
· Pharaoh· Whitesnake
· Project: Failing Flesh· Deivos
· Secret Sphere· Soul Reaper
· Mother Misery· Shiva
· Superchrist· Funerus
· Cans· Deep Purple
· Kingcrow· Edge Of Forever
· Metalium· Joe Stump
· Dimmu Borgir· Fabrizio Bonanno
· Chapter VIII· Scorpions
· Killswitch Engage· Psychotron
· Images of Eden· Otep
· Annihilator· Neurosis
· The 7 Method· Rush
· Twisted Sister· Dark Tranquillity
· Sonata Arctica· Azrael's Bane
· Legion· Of Infinity
· Milkweed· Helgrind
· Rottweiller· Loudblast
· Mechanical Poet· Antares
· Novembers Doom· God Fear None
· Derek Sherinian· Axis Of Perdition
· Soul SirkUS· Callenish Circle
· Burden Of Grief· Slumber
· Blind Stare· Raging Speedhorn
· Brand New Sin· Testament
· Unchained· Taake
· Love Forsaken· Wetwork
· Holy Blood· Clutch
· Iron Maidens· A Lower Deep
· The Scourger· Crystal Fate
· Violent Storm· Sun O)))
· Mabon· Avenged Sevenfold
· Paths Of Possession· Crystal Ball
· Ram-Zet· Asrai
· Mastermind· Midnight Idols
· The Classic Struggle· Gorefest
· Detonation· Motorhead
· Absolution· End of Level Boss
· Sodom· Craft
· Blackmore's Night· Nikki Puppet
· Wolves in the Throne Room· Hell-Born
· Tris Katone· Ampast
· Imagika· Candlemass
· Nicodemus· Bludgeon
· TK-421· Sun Descends
· Michael Orlando· Jotunspor
· Dendura· Amon Amarth
· Sahg· Skid Row
· Vicious Rumors· Wednesday 13
· Setherial· Myon
· Teeth of the Hydra· Lordi
· Middian· Celtic Frost
· Centinex· Gaza
· Lost Eden· Terry Sullivan
· Warbringer· Lord Belial
· Madking Ludwig· Crescent Shield
· Dezperadoz· Marc Sasso
· Cattle Decapitation· Almah
· Passion· Mithras
· Ulcerate· Throneum
· Faith And Fire· Randy Ellefson
· Temple Of Blood· Echoes of Eternity
· Hell N' Diesel· Keldian
· Diamond Dogs· Frosthardr
· Dantesco· Shining Star
· Ost Est Ima· Demonic Symphony
· Witchfinder General· Blood Haven
· Armory· Moonshine
· Embalming Theatre· The Lamp of Thoth
· Intolerant· Uriah Heep
· Mar De Grises· UFOmammut
· Papa Roach· Caliban
· Sister Sin