F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Lost Horizon· Children Of Bodom
· White Skull· Twilight Odyssey
· Immolation· Karaboudjan
· Tiamat· Rebellion
· Stratovarius· Goatwhore
· Symphorce· Machine Head
· Kalibas· Solace
· Godsmack· Circle II Circle
· Liege Lord· Metallica
· God Dethroned· Power of Omens
· Dr. Butcher· Led Zeppelin
· Johnny Lokke· Byfist
· Nicta· Catch 22
· Artension· Mourning Beloveth
· Dream Weaver· Malstrom
· Beautiful Creatures· Savatage
· Silent Scythe· Windseeker
· Thunderstone· Attacker
· Murdercycle· Probot
· Dew Scented· Dreamaker
· Neverland· Soil
· Celesty· Bang The Union
· Cans· W.A.S.P.
· Wolf· Jorn
· Marillion· Judas Priest
· Krokus· Scorpions
· Shadows Fall· Dio
· Dark Age· Otep
· Eternal Flight· I.C.E.
· Six Feet Under· Arch Enemy
· Blind Guardian· Rush
· Mercenary· Feared Creation
· Cradle To Grave· Emerald Sun
· Ligeia· Divine Fire
· Entombed· Veni Domine
· Seige of Hate· Necrophagia
· Shatterpoint· Yyrkoon
· Carina Alfie· Wolverine
· Kaamos· Oathean
· Alex Skolnick Trio· Bleed The Sky
· Bruce Dickinson· Soul SirkUS
· Grand Magus· Impiety
· Ivory Knight· Blind Stare
· Sothis· Brand New Sin
· Sentenced· Prowler Inc.
· Horna· Sebastian Bach
· Ritual Killer· Frameless Scar
· Nightvision· Resurrecturis
· To The Bone· Loits
· Russell Allen· Dirty Americans
· Ewigkeit· Vinterriket
· Arthemis· Thrones
· Spellbound· Avulsed
· Asrai· Mastermind
· Celebratum· Detonation
· Witchery· Beyond Fear
· Daylight Dies· Hell-Born
· Steep· Firehouse
· Leviathan/Sapthuran· Warrant (Amer)
· Imagika· Speed/Kill/Hate
· Hate Profile· The Strongest Proof
· Cult of Luna· Azure
· Hydrogyn· Amon Amarth
· Mouth of the Architect· The Ruins of Beverast
· Lupara· Lesbian Bed Death
· Sathanas· Audrey Horne
· Escape The Fate· Kotipelto
· Lecherous Nocturne· Threat Signal
· Terry Sullivan· In This Moment
· Necrophobic· Grenouer
· Mendeed· Satariel
· Pantera· Mithras
· Katrina Johansson· Since the Day
· Trenchfoot· David Galas
· The Wonderfools· Depressed Mode
· Keldian· Destynation
· Ride The Sky· Deceiver
· Ost Est Ima· Pop Evil
· Burzum· Moonshine
· Hacksaw Surgery· Equilibrium
· Virgin Black· Bullet For My Valentine
· Bible Of The Devil· Sin
· Luna Mortis· Nasty Idols
· Giant Squid· Suffocation