F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Cathedral· Cave In
· The Great Deceiver· Misery Index
· Goatwhore· Solace
· Godsmack· Powergod
· Dr. Butcher· October 31
· Pyn Siren· Tungsten
· Endless Time· Paragon
· Inner Rage of Emotion· Biomechanical
· Sevendust· King Diamond
· Windseeker· Pink Cream 69
· Brides of Destruction· Iron Savior
· Dew Scented· Three Inches of Blood
· Killik· Devil To Pay
· Construcdead· Babylon Mystery Orchestra
· Evanescence· downBleed
· Leash Law· Wolf
· Disarmonia Mundi· Nova Lex
· Brutal Mastication· Hatework
· Estuary· De Lirium's Order
· Feinstein· Schenker/ Pattison Summit
· Acrid· Devil In The Kitchen
· Goatsnake· Dream Evil
· Beaten Back To Pure· Potential Threat SF
· Tearabyte· Katagory V
· Polterchrist· Necrodemon
· Jungle Rot· Slowlife
· The Project Hate· The Lizards
· Karmakanic· Creed
· Triumph· Dark Tranquillity
· Fifth Cross· Cradle To Grave
· Emerald Sun· The Apocalyptic Riders
· Soilwork· Quiet Riot
· Necrophagia· Vicious Circle
· Desire Black· John Sykes
· Antares· Magica
· Axel Rudi Pell· Kinrick
· Fastkill· Pro-Pain
· Hatesphere· Disbelief
· Rudra· Raging Speedhorn
· Astarte· Agents Of Man
· Sothis· Communic
· Dark Funeral· Unchained
· Slik Helvetika· Prowler Inc.
· Leaves Eyes· Frameless Scar
· Alice Cooper· Wetwork
· Warchild· Dragonia
· Before The Dawn· Russell Allen
· Ignarus· Forever Slave
· Arthemis· Ghost Machinery
· Dechrist· Even X
· Doomfoxx· Wolfmother
· Midnight Idols· Bronx Casket Company
· Zero Down· Dogs Of Winter
· Vader· Mental Care Foundation
· Naked Beggars· Poison
· Nightmare· The Berzerker
· Valhalla· Pyramaze
· Cavalar· Speed/Kill/Hate
· Non-Human Level· Theater of Tragedy
· Suzukiton· Unsilent Phenomenon
· Scary Manilow· Warface
· Fleshgore· Setherial
· Battle Bratt· Isis
· Mastodon· Eyes of Ligeia
· Obtest· Sathanas
· Demise· Starkweather
· Handful of Hate· Twisted Into Form
· Warmachine· Merciless Death
· Cruachan· Mendeed
· White Wizzard· Textures
· Pentacle· Antigama
· Blut Aus Nord· Malevolent Creation
· The Wonderfools· Nation Beyond
· Depressed Mode· Temple Of Blood
· Mass Extinction· Alkemyst
· Orthodox· Shining Star
· 40 Below Summer· Deceiver
· Aetherius Obscuritas· Blood Haven
· Vulture Industries· Kreator
· Luna Mortis· Crown The Lost
· Raven