F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· The Kovenant· Nightwish
· Grave· Exmortem
· Regurgitate· Neck
· Machine Head· Seven Witches
· Circle II Circle· Agoraphobic Nosebleed
· Vyndykator· Led Zeppelin
· Pyn Siren· Shakra
· SelfInflicted· Godiva
· Sevendust· Thunderbolt
· Dream Weaver· Crystal Eyes
· Stryper· Halloween
· Whitesnake· DevilDriver
· Probot· F5
· Fear Factory· Force Of Evil
· Death Angel· I Hate Sally
· Cryonic Temple· Jag Panzer
· Leash Law· Messiah's Kiss
· Madison Paige· Outworld
· Edge Of Forever· Fabrizio Bonanno
· Destructor· Mob Rules
· Fireaxe· Goatsnake
· Meliah Rage· Black Destiny
· Potential Threat SF· Necrodemon
· Arch Enemy· Blind Guardian
· Seventh One· The 7 Method
· Avenue F· Mercenary
· Fifth Cross· Emerald Sun
· Rottweiller· The Mighty Nimbus
· Belef· Requiem Aeternam
· Maze Of Torment· Seige of Hate
· Labyrinth· Angtoria
· Chuck Schuldiner· Mystic Prophecy
· Backyard Babies· Wolverine
· Stormwarrior· Pure Inc
· Lord Gore· Debris Inc.
· Callenish Circle· Fastkill
· Grand Magus· Embraze
· Sentenced· Secrets She Kept
· Slik Helvetika· Monolithe
· Leaves Eyes· Sebastian Bach
· Dam· Killing Spree
· Power Quest· Nightvision
· Edenbridge· Flotsam & Jetsam
· The Scourger· Mercyful Fate
· V:28· Dragonia
· Crystal Fate· ASG
· The Firstborn· Barcode
· Ewigkeit· Vinterriket
· Ghost Machinery· Thrones
· Mastermind· Motorhead
· Hate· Decapitated
· Machina· Craft
· Powerglove· Naked Beggars
· Tandjent· Codeon
· Valhalla· The Smackdown
· Candlemass· The Sword
· Bludgeon· Apiary
· Black Crucifixion· Upon Infliction
· Cult of Luna· Fragments of Unbecoming
· Destruction· Nachtmystium
· Scary Manilow· Skid Row
· Ynis Vitrin· Mouth of the Architect
· Hurt· Zero Hour
· The Abominable Iron Sloth· Enochian Crescent
· Amputated· Mastodon
· Lupara· Audrey Horne
· The Showdown· Cheva
· Extium· Celtic Frost
· Throne of Katarsis· Lord Belial
· Satariel· The Prophecy
· Since the Day· Denial Fiend
· Kruger· Hearse
· Faith And Fire· Sworn Enemy
· Hellveto· Depressed Mode
· Keep of Kalessin· Hell N' Diesel
· Diamond Dogs· Heresi
· Alkemyst· Demonic Symphony
· Trivium· Last Stone Cast
· Armory· Equilibrium
· Intolerant· Mar De Grises
· The More I See· Nasty Idols
· Sister Sin· Earthen Grave