F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· In Flames· Into Eternity
· Lost Horizon· Scanner
· Slipknot· The Great Deceiver
· Grave· White Skull
· Immolation· Karaboudjan
· Poisonblack· Deceased
· Norma Jean· Skullview
· Kalibas· Solace
· Warhorse· Usurper
· Ring of Fire· Lamb of God
· Mortician· Widowmaker
· Sickspeed· Power of Omens
· Pyn Siren· Tungsten
· Inner Rage of Emotion· Fireball Ministry
· Bloodbath· Mourning Beloveth
· Eidolon· Thunderstone
· Pink Cream 69· Pharaoh
· Krisiun· Out of the Lair
· Killik· Celesty
· Bang The Union· W.A.S.P.
· Wolf· Graveland
· Disarmonia Mundi· Donnerkopf
· Van Helsing’s Curse· Brutal Mastication
· Destructor· Acrid
· Therion· Chapter VIII
· Scorpions· Bonfire
· Unleashed· Final Dawn
· Images of Eden· Dark Age
· Otep· Theocracy
· Chris Caffery· Conquestador
· The Project Hate· Hanzel Und Gretyl
· Behemoth· Karmakanic
· Angra· Scenteria
· Ligeia· Divine Fire
· Entombed· Miles Beyond
· Lost Soul· Hellfueled
· Astral Doors· Shatterpoint
· Mechanical Poet· Crimson Moonlight
· Argument Soul· Antares
· Severe Torture· Alex Skolnick Trio
· Freedom Call· Kryoburn
· Thunderblast· Fastkill
· Groundcrew· Defleshed
· God Among Insects· Brand New Sin
· Secrets She Kept· Evemaster
· The Father Panic Riot Orchestra· Killing Spree
· Dragonia· Before The Dawn
· Winterfell· 1349
· Third Degree· Algol3
· Akercocke· Asrai
· Zero Down· Khold
· Taunusheim· Sodom
· Enforsaken· Tandjent
· Dissection· Valhalla
· Silver Dirt· Cataract
· Hirax· Nicodemus
· Abysmal Dawn· Non-Human Level
· Sun Descends· Ensoph
· Suzukiton· Hydrogyn
· Psycroptic· Sahg
· The Ruins of Beverast· Thy Majestie
· Amputated· Zoroaster
· Audrey Horne· Panzerchrist
· Starkweather· Better Left Unsaid
· Warmachine· The Gathering
· Fu Manchu· Diagnose: Lebensgefahr
· With Passion· Dream Theater
· Cruachan· Blood of the Black Owl
· Satariel· Textures
· Hacride· Pentacle
· Tears· Glorior Belli
· Kruger· David Galas
· The Wonderfools· Funeral
· Faith And Fire· Randy Ellefson
· Himsa· Frosthardr
· Dantesco· Averse Sefira
· Glenn Hughes· Pop Evil
· Virgin Black· Bible Of The Devil
· Coffins· DC4