F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Anvil· Bathory
· Vicious Mary· BloodDuster
· Immolation· Narziß
· Norma Jean· Kalibas
· Seven Witches· Helloween
· Overkill· Circle II Circle
· Nazareth· Mark Boals
· Rawhead Rexx· Mortician
· Angel Dust· Abigor
· Late Nite Romeo· Valley's Eve
· Vyndykator· October 31
· Black Sabbath· Paragon
· Inner Rage of Emotion· Fireball Ministry
· Bloodbath· Lanfear
· Stryper· Mnemic
· Vhaldemar· Murdercycle
· Pharaoh· Slayer
· Defiled· Project: Failing Flesh
· Secret Sphere· Soul Reaper
· F5· Three Inches of Blood
· Node· Silver Mountain
· Yngwie Malmsteen· Jag Panzer
· Graveland· Black Zodiac
· Hatework· Devil In The Kitchen
· Rhapsody of Fire· Images of Eden
· Wintersun· Division
· Polterchrist· Jamie. St. James
· Tartharia· Mine
· Incantation· The Last Act
· Hanzel Und Gretyl· Legion
· Crowbar· Bloody Sign
· The Mighty Nimbus· Divine Fire
· Kamelot· Korpiklaani
· Necrophagia· Shatterpoint
· Yyrkoon· John Sykes
· Wolverine· Darkthrone
· Argument Soul· Alex Skolnick Trio
· Ignitor· Sinisthra
· Impiety· Def Leppard
· Hatesphere· Ivory Knight
· Slough Feg· Goddess Of Desire
· Unshine· Voyager
· Supagroup· Sebastian Bach
· Dam· The Father Panic Riot Orchestra
· Wetwork· Iron Maidens
· The Scourger· Painmuseum
· Sun O)))· Ignarus
· Even X· Crystal Ball
· Gojira· Avulsed
· Midnight Idols· Insense
· Enforsaken· Brother Hawk
· Craft· Pile of Heads
· Totalisti· Scum
· Event Horizon· Moonspell
· Manngard· Silver Dirt
· Bal-Sagoth· Candlemass
· Dream Or Nightmare· Hirax
· Speed/Kill/Hate· The Sword
· Sun Descends· Royal Hunt
· Spawn of Possession· Jotunspor
· Space Odyssey· Swashbuckle
· Sahg· Scary Manilow
· Time Requiem· Skyforger
· Venom· Escape The Fate
· Demise· Starkweather
· Skullflower· Warmachine
· Blood Tsunami· Hardcore Superstar
· Necrophobic· Grenouer
· Textures· Gotthard
· Pentacle· Antigama
· Aborted· Nation Beyond
· Himsa· Keep of Kalessin
· Ensiferum· Hell N' Diesel
· Diamond Dogs· Night Ranger
· Averse Sefira· Shining Star
· Bilocate· Ride The Sky
· Last Stone Cast· Manilla Road
· Godhead· Intolerant
· Bullet For My Valentine· Iron Fire
· Something Beautiful· DC4
· Raven· Suffocation