F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Cave In· Hate Eternal
· The Kovenant· Leng Tch'e
· Sinner· Tiamat
· Disturbed· Deceased
· Dirty Power· Warhorse
· Usurper· Ring of Fire
· Wizard· Cage
· Pelican· Evolution
· Exawatt· Agony Divine
· Shakra· Wycked Synn
· Runemagick· Evanesce
· Duke· Murdercycle
· Edguy· Fear Factory
· Death Angel· Black Stone Cherry
· Silver Mountain· Superchrist
· Celesty· Leash Law
· Deep Purple· Graveland
· Amityville Whore· David Shankle Group
· Highlord· U.D.O.
· Ministry· De Lirium's Order
· Juggernott· Scorpions
· Unleashed· Meliah Rage
· Psychotron· Jungle Rot
· Throcult· The Project Hate
· Arch Enemy· The Last Act
· Creed· Triumph
· Dark Tranquillity· Code Black
· Emerald Sun· Image
· Loudblast· Maze Of Torment
· Quiet Riot· Carina Alfie
· Ravensthorn· Kaamos
· Chaoswave· Alex Skolnick Trio
· God Fear None· Omegalord
· Fire Alley· Kryoburn
· Thunderblast· System Of A Down
· Gizmachi· Callenish Circle
· Grand Magus· Groundcrew
· Blind Stare· Darkane
· Supagroup· Sebastian Bach
· Gaia· Frameless Scar
· Thor· Edenbridge
· Painmuseum· Redemption
· Dragonia· Before The Dawn
· Evergrey· Armored Saint
· Mabon· Running Wild
· Spellbound· Cryogen
· Doomfoxx· Chain Collector
· Mastermind· Skullshifter
· The Classic Struggle· Khold
· Hate· Enforsaken
· Powerglove· Cardinale
· Nightmare· Leviathan/Sapthuran
· Vore· Silver Dirt
· Warrant (Amer)· Candlemass
· The Strongest Proof· TK-421
· Non-Human Level· Sun Descends
· Destruction· Space Odyssey
· Sahg· Woodtemple
· Hurt· Myon
· Twinball· Biolich
· Sathanas· Lordi
· Panzerchrist· Demise
· Lecherous Nocturne· Urkraft
· Gaza· Warbringer
· Manticore· Lord Belial
· Merciless Death· Cattle Decapitation
· Pantera· Mithras
· Retrospective· Wuthering Heights
· Keep of Kalessin· Temple Of Blood
· Frosthardr· Pathology
· Alkemyst· Glenn Hughes
· Orthodox· I Shalt Become
· Rosetta· Ost Est Ima
· To-Mera· Mar De Grises
· Son of Eric· End of Man
· Place Of Skulls· Papa Roach
· Faded Hope· Ihsahn
· Battleroar· Earthen Grave