F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Cave In· Leng Tch'e
· Loudness· Steel Prophet
· Grave· Neck
· Anthrax· Twelfth Gate
· Stratovarius· December
· Symphorce· Advent
· Power of Omens· Led Zeppelin
· Circle of Nero· Evolution
· Byfist· Agony Divine
· Bloodbath· Beautiful Creatures
· Mnemic· Iron Savior
· Doro· Dreamaker
· Mother Misery· Three Inches of Blood
· Volbeat· I Hate Sally
· Evanescence· UFO
· Messiah's Kiss· Van Helsing’s Curse
· Highlord· Low Earth Orbit
· U.D.O.· Cyst
· Feinstein· Destructor
· Devil In The Kitchen· Fireaxe
· Shadows Fall· Unearth
· Within Temptation· Acheron
· Seventh One· Hanzel Und Gretyl
· Angra· Cryme
· Azrael's Bane· Crowbar
· Ligeia· Divine Fire
· Miles Beyond· Kings X
· Corrosion Of Conformity· Kamelot
· Maze Of Torment· Dirt
· Labyrinth· Yyrkoon
· Car Bomb· Ravensthorn
· Stormwarrior· Boomerang
· Pure Inc· Omegalord
· Meshuggah· System Of A Down
· Gizmachi· Raintime
· Nightrage· Groundcrew
· Blind Stare· Rudra
· Mirador· Amorphis
· Brand New Sin· Horna
· Morgana Lefay· Black Majesty
· Before The Dawn· Armored Saint
· Violent Storm· Blood Thirsty Demons
· The Firstborn· Algol3
· Savage Circus· Paths Of Possession
· Balatonizer· Even X
· Overmars· Mastermind
· Midnight Idols· Zero Down
· Dogs Of Winter· Vader
· End of Level Boss· From This Day
· Nobody's Fool· Mental Care Foundation
· Pile of Heads· Tandjent
· Codeon· Fields Of The Nephilim
· Hell-Born· Tris Katone
· Leviathan/Sapthuran· Viron
· Vore· Phoenix Mourning
· Silver Dirt· Candlemass
· Dreams of Damnation· Hate Profile
· Dawn of Azazel· Spawn of Possession
· Theater of Tragedy· War Within
· Amon Amarth· From the Grave
· The Ruins of Beverast· Death Breath
· Jeff Walker und Die Fluffers· The Abominable Iron Sloth
· Battle Bratt· Wastefall
· Oblomov· Zoroaster
· Mastodon· Satyricon
· Obtest· Escape The Fate
· Darkness Eternal· Diagnose: Lebensgefahr
· Manticore· Madking Ludwig
· Merciless Death· White Willow
· Satariel· Textures
· Hacride· Pentacle
· Katrina Johansson· Manes
· Ulcerate· David Galas
· Architect· Keep of Kalessin
· Keldian· Pathosray
· Deceiver· Mortiis
· Ost Est Ima· Demonic Symphony
· Jesus Martyr· Vulture Industries
· Puscifer· Moonshine
· Embalming Theatre· Uriah Heep
· Iron Fire· End of Man
· UFOmammut· Nasty Idols
· DC4