F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Scanner· The Haunted
· Vicious Mary· Misery Index
· Grave Digger· Skullview
· Gun Barrel· Celestial Ode
· Ring of Fire· Fozzy
· Black Label Society· Johnny Lokke
· Circle of Nero· Endless Time
· Shakra· Saint
· Dragonforce· Bloodbath
· Chainsnap· Morbid Angel
· Victory· Rob Rock
· Royal Anguish· Force Of Evil
· Black Stone Cherry· Yngwie Malmsteen
· Construcdead· Exodus
· Jag Panzer· downBleed
· Van Helsing’s Curse· Metalium
· Highlord· Jorn
· Spiral Madness· Joe Stump
· Schenker/ Pattison Summit· Acrid
· Krokus· Mob Rules
· Ungodly· Saxon
· Dio· Wintersun
· Otep· Division
· Megadeth· Scavenger
· Chris Caffery· Marshall Law
· The Last Act· Agnostic Front
· Made of Iron· Tristania
· Creed· Napalm Death
· Azrael's Bane· Image
· Blood Red Throne· Kings X
· Kamelot· Tarot
· Desire Black· Apocalyptica
· Severe Torture· Bruce Dickinson
· Strapping Young Lad· System Of A Down
· Ignitor· Raintime
· Grand Magus· Throes of Dawn
· Disbelief· Defleshed
· Agents Of Man· Mirador
· God Among Insects· Vicious Art
· Prowler Inc.· Gemini 5
· Gaia· Frameless Scar
· Alice Cooper· Cannon
· Devil Lee Rot· Impaled Nazarene
· Holy Blood· Blitzkrieg
· Scar Symmetry· The Scourger
· The Firstborn· Twilight
· Third Degree· Avenged Sevenfold
· Vinterriket· Akercocke
· Ram-Zet· Infliction
· Torture Killer· Virgin Steele
· Hate· Absolution
· Vader· Mental Care Foundation
· Blackmore's Night· Cannibal Corpse
· Intronaut· Nikki Puppet
· Thyrane· Warrant (Amer)
· Imagika· Athanator
· Bludgeon· Black Crucifixion
· Before Silence· Cult of Luna
· Fragments of Unbecoming· Gorgoroth
· Suzukiton· Vengeance
· Azure· She Said Destroy
· Burialmound· Jeff Walker und Die Fluffers
· Anata· Setherial
· The Abominable Iron Sloth· Wastefall
· Semargl· Teeth of the Hydra
· Lordi· Audrey Horne
· Panzerchrist· The Showdown
· Winger· Cheva
· Extium· Handful of Hate
· Twisted Into Form· Blood Tsunami
· Diagnose: Lebensgefahr· Hardcore Superstar
· Terry Sullivan· Merciless Death
· Cruachan· Almah
· Mendeed· Pantera
· Hacride· Spit Like This
· Warner Drive· Wuthering Heights
· Glorior Belli· Architect
· Spheric Universe Experience· I Shalt Become
· Ride The Sky· Deceiver
· Manilla Road· Vulture Industries
· Souls Of We· Iron Fire
· Son of Eric· Place Of Skulls
· Sotajumala· Earthen Grave