F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Bathory· LA Guns
· Slipknot· Vehemence
· Big Dumb Face· Regurgitate
· Narziß· Symphorce
· Skullview· Dirty Power
· Gun Barrel· Majesty
· Ring of Fire· Godflesh
· Sickspeed· Legend
· Masterplan· Firewind
· Manowar· Abigor
· Carnal Forge· October 31
· Conquest· Endless Time
· Shakra· Saint
· Wycked Synn· Steel Preacher
· Stryper· Tad Morose
· Silent Scythe· Primal Fear
· Neverland· Gothic Knights
· Celesty· Construcdead
· Jaw· Ebony Ark
· UFO· Madison Paige
· Disarmonia Mundi· Ministry
· Cyst· Schenker/ Pattison Summit
· Krokus· Therion
· Fireaxe· Chapter VIII
· Skeletonwitch· Killswitch Engage
· Imp· Images of Eden
· Dark Age· Unearth
· Marshall Law· Necrodemon
· House of Shakira· Ironhorse
· Anger· Angra
· Tristania· Triumph
· Mercenary· Paradise Lost
· Image· The Apocalyptic Riders
· Impaled· Veni Domine
· Seige of Hate· Strikelight
· the missing:· Crimson Moonlight
· Pure Inc· Bruce Dickinson
· Fire Alley· Neil Turbin
· Ignitor· Throes of Dawn
· Nightrage· Biss
· Disbelief· Astarte
· Sothis· Darkane
· Slough Feg· Subterranean Masquerade
· Secrets She Kept· Nuse
· Power Quest· Nightvision
· Devil Lee Rot· Resurrecturis
· Sheavy· Agents Of The Sun
· A Lower Deep· Pagan's Mind
· Before The Dawn· Violent Storm
· Dirty Americans· Overloaded
· Forever Slave· The Firstborn
· Barcode· Third Degree
· Phantom X· Akercocke
· Cryogen· Dogs Of Winter
· Motorhead· Hate
· Taunusheim· Pile of Heads
· Thryfing· Totalisti
· Lair Of The Minotaur· Nikki Puppet
· Firehouse· Silver Dirt
· Athanator· Nicodemus
· Bludgeon· Stormcrow
· Spawn of Possession· Cult of Luna
· Gorgoroth· Bloodbound
· Azure· Nachtmystium
· Psycroptic· Mouth of the Architect
· I· The Ruins of Beverast
· Wastefall· Eyes of Ligeia
· Cult of Daath· Lecherous Nocturne
· Handful of Hate· Battered
· Manticore· Old Man's Child
· White Wizzard· The Prophecy
· Divine Empire· Pentacle
· Antigama· Retrospective
· Trenchfoot· Hellveto
· Cauldron· Hell N' Diesel
· Averse Sefira· Father Befouled
· Pop Evil· Vulture Industries
· Embalming Theatre· Alestorm
· Crown The Lost· Uli Jon Roth