F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· HammerFall· Leng Tch'e
· The Haunted· Grave
· Carpathian Forest· Misery Index
· Tiamat· Solemnity
· Neck· Narziß
· Twelfth Gate· Stratovarius
· Machine Head· Skullview
· Vaginal Carnage· Rawhead Rexx
· Lamb of God· Mortician
· God Dethroned· Power of Omens
· Vyndykator· Johnny Lokke
· Ion Vein· Tungsten
· Evolution· Shakra
· Inner Rage of Emotion· Curriculum Mortis
· Mourning Beloveth· Victory
· Assrockers· Sinergy
· Beautiful Creatures· Duke
· Tad Morose· Thunderstone
· Attacker· Pink Cream 69
· Whitesnake· Brides of Destruction
· Iron Savior· Soul Reaper
· Tesla· Silver Mountain
· Cryonic Temple· Celesty
· Velvet Revolver· Ministry
· Black Zodiac· Hatework
· Destructor· Acrid
· Therion· Chapter VIII
· Lilitu· Black Destiny
· Final Dawn· Occult
· Lullacry· Z02
· Dark Ruin· Conquestador
· Haunted By Angels· Trans-Siberian Orchestra
· Jackyl· Tsjuder
· Angra· Avenue F
· Dark Tranquillity· Azrael's Bane
· Fifth Cross· Legion
· Lost Soul· Corrosion Of Conformity
· Crionics· Impaled
· Maze Of Torment· Car Bomb
· Backyard Babies· Samael
· Alex Skolnick Trio· Chastain
· Operatika· Slumber
· Biss· Raging Speedhorn
· Astarte· Manntis
· Sothis· Brand New Sin
· Taake· Dynamic Lights
· Supagroup· Alice Cooper
· Thor· Morgana Lefay
· Blitzkrieg· Flotsam & Jetsam
· Octavia Sperati· To The Bone
· Peccatum· Russell Allen
· Crystal Fate· Winterfell
· Forever Slave· Third Degree
· Paths Of Possession· Dechrist
· Mistress· Vile
· Chain Collector· The Classic Struggle
· God Forbid· Nocturnal Rites
· Nobody's Fool· Mental Care Foundation
· Second Shadow· Powerglove
· Cannibal Corpse· Lair Of The Minotaur
· Scum· Viron
· Ampast· Vreid
· Athanator· Abysmal Dawn
· Black Crucifixion· Vengeance
· Bloodbound· Destruction
· Hydrogyn· Paul Bonrud
· Psycroptic· Ynis Vitrin
· Vicious Rumors· I
· Zero Hour· Thy Majestie
· Lesbian Bed Death· Winger
· Demise· Middian
· Starkweather· Quest of Aidance
· Centinex· Lost Eden
· Marc Sasso· White Wizzard
· Passion· Textures
· Blut Aus Nord· Lipstick Magazine
· Ulcerate· The Wonderfools
· Faith And Fire· Temple Of Blood
· Cauldron· Glenn Hughes
· Rosetta· Trivium
· Moonshine· Bullet For My Valentine
· Deadsea· Nasty Idols
· Raven