F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Hate Eternal· In Flames
· The Kovenant· Loudness
· Vehemence· Karaboudjan
· Misery Index· Stratovarius
· Machine Head· Norma Jean
· Advent· Sickspeed
· Crematorium· Powergod
· God Dethroned· Carnal Forge
· Saint· Artension
· Mourning Beloveth· Nordheim
· Duke· Tad Morose
· Stalker· Attacker
· Edguy· Wicked Sensation
· Body Count· F5
· Black Stone Cherry· Cryonic Temple
· Celesty· Scala Mercalli
· Riot· Jag Panzer
· Jaw· Outworld
· Graveland· Metalium
· Highlord· Jorn
· Lonewolf· Dimmu Borgir
· Juggernott· Fireaxe
· After Forever· Images of Eden
· Potential Threat SF· Lullacry
· Polterchrist· Arch Enemy
· Haunted By Angels· Within Temptation
· Blind Guardian· Hanzel Und Gretyl
· Behemoth· Legion
· Gods Of Fire· The New Breed
· Korpiklaani· Shatterpoint
· Car Bomb· Antares
· Chaoswave· Oathean
· Alex Skolnick Trio· Kryoburn
· Swallow The Sun· System Of A Down
· Callenish Circle· Impiety
· Shade Empire· Groundcrew
· Manntis· Dynamic Lights
· Ritual Killer· Dam
· Power Quest· Thor
· Resurrecturis· Impaled Nazarene
· Loits· Lake Of Tears
· Redemption· V:28
· Armored Saint· Winterfell
· The Firstborn· Twilight
· Savage Circus· The Absence
· Thrones· Overmars
· Infliction· Dragonlord
· Sinocence· God Forbid
· Dogs Of Winter· Torture Killer
· Khold· Nocturnal Rites
· Beecher· Early Man
· Insense· Lair Of The Minotaur
· Codeon· 286
· Upwards of Endtime· Thyrane
· Fields Of The Nephilim· Steep
· Clawfinger· Cryptopsy
· The Smashup· Pyramaze
· Elvenking· Cavalar
· Dream Or Nightmare· Speed/Kill/Hate
· Hate Profile· TK-421
· Royal Hunt· Michael Orlando
· Before Silence· Gorgoroth
· Suzukiton· Space Odyssey
· She Said Destroy· Amon Amarth
· Sahg· Shadows Within
· Pump· The Abominable Iron Sloth
· Enochian Crescent· Battle Bratt
· Amputated· Rotting Christ
· Twinball· Cult of Daath
· Lordi· Winger
· Darkness Eternal· Kotipelto
· Melechesh· Warbringer
· Manticore· Zyklon
· Blood of the Black Owl· Mendeed
· Satariel· Warner Drive
· Echoes of Eternity· Hell N' Diesel
· Demonic Symphony· Trivium
· Medieval Steel· Alestorm
· Deadsea· Place Of Skulls
· UFOmammut· Winterfylleth
· Caliban· DC4