F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Into Eternity· Loudness
· Nightwish· Sinner
· The Great Deceiver· Vicious Mary
· Tiamat· Rebellion
· Narziß· Cradle of Filth
· Commit Suicide· Gun Barrel
· Warhorse· Agoraphobic Nosebleed
· Metallica· Angel Dust
· Powergod· Valley's Eve
· Carnal Forge· Assrockers
· Beautiful Creatures· Eidolon
· Drillpoint· Attacker
· Primal Fear· Deivos
· Body Count· Three Inches of Blood
· Death Angel· Construcdead
· Ebony Ark· downBleed
· UFO· Kingcrow
· Epica· Icon And The Black Roses
· Van Helsing’s Curse· Velvet Revolver
· Brutal Mastication· House of Lords
· Fabrizio Bonanno· Devil In The Kitchen
· Scorpions· Bonfire
· Vox Tempus· Shadows Fall
· Wintersun· Aina
· Medusa· Jungle Rot
· Jamie. St. James· Throcult
· Mine· Incantation
· Haunted By Angels· Karmakanic
· Angra· Avenue F
· Triumph· Napalm Death
· Azrael's Bane· Feared Creation
· The New Breed· The Apocalyptic Riders
· Blood Red Throne· Veni Domine
· Seige of Hate· Hibria
· Hellfire· Mechanical Poet
· Car Bomb· Icarus Witch
· Diecast· Crimson Moonlight
· Boomerang· Frantic Bleep
· Thunderblast· Ramesses
· Raintime· Babylon
· Throes of Dawn· Def Leppard
· Blind Stare· God Among Insects
· Slough Feg· Subterranean Masquerade
· Sentenced· Ritual Killer
· Love Forsaken· Resurrecturis
· Sheavy· Clutch
· Octavia Sperati· To The Bone
· Future is Tomorrow· V:28
· Violent Storm· Overloaded
· Ewigkeit· The Absence
· Damnation· Dreamland
· Overmars· Wolfmother
· Mastermind· Dismember
· Nocturnal Rites· Beecher
· End of Level Boss· Enforsaken
· Nobody's Fool· Fallen Wisdom
· Second Shadow· Southern Black Sand
· Tandjent· Cardinale
· 286· Thyrane
· Scum· The Berzerker
· Degree Absolute· Event Horizon
· Leviathan/Sapthuran· Moonspell
· Ampast· Vreid
· Cataract· Non-Human Level
· Gorgoroth· Suzukiton
· Unsilent Phenomenon· Smohalla
· Paul Bonrud· Sahg
· Ynis Vitrin· Burialmound
· Setherial· Rotting Christ
· Audrey Horne· The Showdown
· Starkweather· Better Left Unsaid
· Skullflower· Fu Manchu
· Lost Eden· Southern Gentleman
· Omnium Gatherum· Dream Theater
· Crescent Shield· White Wizzard
· Trouble· Divine Empire
· Since the Day· JR Ewing
· Ost Est Ima· Jesus Martyr
· Aetherius Obscuritas· Witchfinder General
· Blood Haven· Puscifer
· Hacksaw Surgery· Trinacria
· Celestia· Deadsea
· Place Of Skulls· UFOmammut
· Eighteen Wheels Burning· DC4