F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Anvil· Demons and Wizards
· In Flames· Lost Horizon
· Loudness· Dokken
· Solemnity· Norma Jean
· Gun Barrel· Steel Attack
· Ravage· Manowar
· Led Zeppelin· Brainstorm
· Byfist· Inner Rage of Emotion
· Dragonforce· Sevendust
· Chainsnap· The Graveyard Boulevard
· Wycked Synn· Mourning Beloveth
· Victory· Dream Weaver
· Nordheim· Mnemic
· Thunderstone· Defiled
· Asperity· Body Count
· Secret Sphere· Fairyland
· Fear Factory· Black Stone Cherry
· Devil To Pay· Exodus
· Riot· Evanescence
· Gamma Ray· Velvet Revolver
· Feinstein· Acrid
· Devil In The Kitchen· Fireaxe
· Ungodly· Skeletonwitch
· Lilitu· Aina
· Tearabyte· Katagory V
· I.C.E.· Marshall Law
· Incantation· The Last Act
· Acheron· Overlorde
· The 7 Method· Tsjuder
· Twisted Sister· Fifth Cross
· Of Infinity· Code Black
· Crowbar· Bloody Sign
· Emerald Sun· Gods Of Fire
· Requiem Aeternam· Veni Domine
· Dirt· Argument Soul
· Derek Sherinian· Omegalord
· Axis Of Perdition· Strapping Young Lad
· Thunderblast· Ramesses
· Callenish Circle· Sinisthra
· Burden Of Grief· Slough Feg
· Unchained· Prowler Inc.
· Frameless Scar· Impaled Nazarene
· Agents Of The Sun· Octavia Sperati
· Bolt Thrower· 1349
· Avenged Sevenfold· The Absence
· Ghost Machinery· Mistress
· Ram-Zet· Wolfmother
· Chain Collector· Dragonlord
· Beecher· Brother Hawk
· Craft· Katatonia
· 286· Wolves in the Throne Room
· Steep· Degree Absolute
· Viron· Phoenix Mourning
· The Strongest Proof· TK-421
· Abysmal Dawn· Cult of Luna
· Gorgoroth· Suzukiton
· Swashbuckle· Paul Bonrud
· Sahg· Scary Manilow
· Warface· Mouth of the Architect
· Woodtemple· Burialmound
· The Finals· Rotting Christ
· Teeth of the Hydra· Eighteen Visions
· The Showdown· Middian
· Lecherous Nocturne· Melechesh
· Lost Eden· Omnium Gatherum
· Madking Ludwig· Zyklon
· Cattle Decapitation· Textures
· The Prophecy· Divine Empire
· David Galas· Throneum
· JR Ewing· Faith And Fire
· Himsa· Keldian
· Pathosray· Spheric Universe Experience
· Trivium· Pop Evil
· Last Stone Cast· Burzum
· SOS· Bullet For My Valentine
· Place Of Skulls· Faded Hope
· Eighteen Wheels Burning· Sotajumala
· Giant Squid