F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Slipknot· Big Dumb Face
· Neck· Seven Witches
· Solace· Rawhead Rexx
· Liege Lord· Ravage
· Masterplan· Firewind
· Power of Omens· The Chainsaw
· SelfInflicted· Curriculum Mortis
· King Diamond· Rob Rock
· Sinergy· Thunderstone
· Hypocrisy· Murdercycle
· Slayer· Secret Sphere
· Soul Reaper· Force Of Evil
· Shiva· Yngwie Malmsteen
· Gothic Knights· Jaw
· Leash Law· Deep Purple
· Epica· Graveland
· Nova Lex· U.D.O.
· Gary Moore· Spiral Madness
· Dimmu Borgir· Fabrizio Bonanno
· Joe Lynn Turner· Vox Tempus
· Black Destiny· Psychotron
· Dio· Megadeth
· Jungle Rot· GWAR
· Conquestador· Agnostic Front
· Seventh One· Karmakanic
· Creed· John Oliva's Pain
· Mercenary· Azrael's Bane
· Feared Creation· Crowbar
· Cradle To Grave· Helgrind
· Ligeia· The Mighty Nimbus
· Impaled· Veni Domine
· Loudblast· Mechanical Poet
· Desire Black· John Sykes
· the missing:· Darkthrone
· Cemetary· Pure Inc
· Debris Inc.· Shade Empire
· Defleshed· Raging Speedhorn
· Brand New Sin· Unchained
· Taake· Dynamic Lights
· Nuse· Prowler Inc.
· Horna· Leaves Eyes
· Ritual Killer· Thor
· Sheavy· Iron Maidens
· Flotsam & Jetsam· Loits
· Pagan's Mind· ASG
· Casus Belli· Barcode
· Ghost Machinery· Balatonizer
· Mistress· Akercocke
· Define Divine· Dragonlord
· Motorhead· End of Level Boss
· Sepultura· Intronaut
· Ephel Duath· Fields Of The Nephilim
· Leviathan/Sapthuran· Silver Dirt
· Ampast· Bal-Sagoth
· Dreams of Damnation· The Strongest Proof
· Black Crucifixion· Upon Infliction
· Cult of Luna· Agalloch
· Death Breath· The Finals
· Oblomov· Semargl
· Eighteen Visions· Cult of Daath
· Obtest· Escape The Fate
· Middian· Deicide
· Lecherous Nocturne· Quest of Aidance
· Gaza· The Gathering
· Southern Gentleman· Onslaught
· Battered· Necrophobic
· Grenouer· Blood of the Black Owl
· Almah· Trouble
· Passion· Five Finger Death Punch
· Mithras· The Prophecy
· Gotthard· Glorior Belli
· Lipstick Magazine· Malevolent Creation
· Ulcerate· Randy Ellefson
· Hell N' Diesel· Keldian
· Diamond Dogs· Night Ranger
· Shining Star· 40 Below Summer
· Rosetta· Father Befouled
· Celestia· Kiuas
· Son of Eric· Place Of Skulls
· Luna Mortis· UFOmammut
· Coffins· Battleroar
· Crown The Lost