F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· The Kovenant· Lost Horizon
· White Skull· Big Dumb Face
· Carpathian Forest· Poisonblack
· Dokken· Deceased
· Regurgitate· Stratovarius
· Cradle of Filth· Norma Jean
· Liege Lord· Ravage
· Sickspeed· Abigor
· H.I.M.· Exawatt
· Endless Time· Byfist
· Agony Divine· Shakra
· Iced Earth· Paragon
· Sevendust· Malstrom
· Sinergy· Stryper
· Mnemic· Pink Cream 69
· Whitesnake· DevilDriver
· Fairyland· Scala Mercalli
· Jaw· Freakhouse
· Epica· David Shankle Group
· Marillion· Judas Priest
· Joe Stump· Krokus
· Joe Lynn Turner· Mob Rules
· Chapter VIII· Unleashed
· Lilitu· After Forever
· Metal Church· Tearabyte
· Nashville Pussy· Otep
· Tartharia· Dark Ruin
· Mine· Negative Creeps
· Karmakanic· Tristania
· Creed· Dark Tranquillity
· Milkweed· Scenteria
· Gods Of Fire· Image
· Divine Fire· Blood Red Throne
· Hellfueled· Dirt
· Korpiklaani· Seige of Hate
· Labyrinth· Astral Doors
· Tarot· Mechanical Poet
· Mystic Prophecy· Wolverine
· Severe Torture· Axis Of Perdition
· Frantic Bleep· Holy Moses
· Kryoburn· Strapping Young Lad
· System Of A Down· Ramesses
· Callenish Circle· Raintime
· Astarte· Python
· Amorphis· God Among Insects
· Subterranean Masquerade· Testament
· Evemaster· Gemini 5
· Dam· Frameless Scar
· Devil Lee Rot· Edenbridge
· Loits· Illuminatus
· Eternal Reign· Violent Storm
· Dirty Americans· ASG
· Overloaded· Bolt Thrower
· 1349· Twilight
· Shattersphere· Arthemis
· Phantom X· Crystal Ball
· Avulsed· Define Divine
· Dragonlord· Sinocence
· Absu· Beecher
· End of Level Boss· Totalisti
· Cardinale· Thyrane
· Fields Of The Nephilim· Boris
· Moonspell· Valhalla
· Manngard· Pyramaze
· Bal-Sagoth· Hate Profile
· Suzukiton· Smohalla
· She Said Destroy· Sahg
· Mouth of the Architect· I
· Pretty Maids· Setherial
· Battle Bratt· Panzerchrist
· Cheva· Urkraft
· Gaza· Onslaught
· Throne of Katarsis· Old Man's Child
· Dezperadoz· Incrave
· Textures· Hacride
· Denial Fiend· Trenchfoot
· Blut Aus Nord· JR Ewing
· Fight· Himsa
· Ensiferum· Echoes of Eternity
· Glenn Hughes· I Shalt Become
· Ride The Sky· The Obsessed
· Trivium· Burzum
· SOS· To-Mera
· Moonshine· Trinacria
· Medieval Steel· Place Of Skulls
· Winterfylleth