F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Into Eternity· The Great Deceiver
· The Haunted· Vehemence
· Immolation· Karaboudjan
· Mondo Generator· Dokken
· Perzonal War· Deceased
· Neck· Anthrax
· Deranged· Symphorce
· Celestial Ode· Lamb of God
· Sickspeed· Firewind
· Metallica· Late Nite Romeo
· Pelican· Brainstorm
· Circle of Nero· Goat Horn
· Byfist· Iced Earth
· Godiva· Chainsnap
· The Graveyard Boulevard· Curriculum Mortis
· Duke· Pharaoh
· Lacuna Coil· Out of the Lair
· Iron Savior· Fairyland
· Tesla· Fear Factory
· Death Angel· Freakhouse
· Madison Paige· Outworld
· Graveland· Donnerkopf
· Highlord· Nova Lex
· Ministry· Fabrizio Bonanno
· Mob Rules· Unleashed
· Skeletonwitch· Wintersun
· Eternal Flight· Z02
· I.C.E.· Slowlife
· Jamie. St. James· Mine
· Conquestador· The Project Hate
· Ironhorse· Mirror of Deception
· Made of Iron· Cryme
· Scenteria· Miles Beyond
· Corrosion Of Conformity· Veni Domine
· Korpiklaani· Sabaton
· Heartcry· Desire Black
· Icarus Witch· Ravensthorn
· Chuck Schuldiner· Mystic Prophecy
· Boomerang· Meshuggah
· Lord Gore· Chastain
· Holy Moses· Kinrick
· Operatika· Neil Turbin
· Raintime· Impiety
· Defleshed· Raging Speedhorn
· Agents Of Man· Ektomorf
· Unchained· Prowler Inc.
· Sebastian Bach· Gaia
· Killing Spree· Frameless Scar
· Sheavy· Agents Of The Sun
· Scar Symmetry· Octavia Sperati
· V:28· Before The Dawn
· Russell Allen· Ignarus
· Casus Belli· Shattersphere
· Balatonizer· Even X
· Infliction· Define Divine
· Zero Down· Torture Killer
· Nocturnal Rites· Absu
· Mental Care Foundation· Thryfing
· Thyrane· Nightmare
· Hell-Born· Degree Absolute
· Vore· Phoenix Mourning
· Bal-Sagoth· Cavalar
· Candlemass· Speed/Kill/Hate
· The Sword· 8th Sin
· Royal Hunt· Michael Orlando
· Suzukiton· Hydrogyn
· Dendura· Sahg
· Agalloch· Battle Bratt
· Thy Majestie· Twinball
· Demise· Twisted Into Form
· Melechesh· Hardcore Superstar
· Threat Signal· In This Moment
· Mindgrinder· Almah
· Mendeed· Pantera
· Nominon· Blut Aus Nord
· Malevolent Creation· Hearse
· Echoes of Eternity· Pathosray
· Heresi· Averse Sefira
· I Shalt Become· Cockpit
· Deceiver· Pop Evil
· Blood Haven· Manilla Road
· Vulture Industries· Celestia
· Mar De Grises· Place Of Skulls
· Something Beautiful