F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· In Flames· Leng Tch'e
· Racer X· Loudness
· Scanner· Vicious Mary
· Twilight Odyssey· Carpathian Forest
· Mondo Generator· Tiamat
· Dokken· Disturbed
· Rebellion· Impellitteri
· Norma Jean· Skullview
· Gun Barrel· Steel Attack
· Sickspeed· Firewind
· Wizard· Metallica
· Angel Dust· Dr. Butcher
· Cage· Alchemy X
· October 31· Endless Time
· Nicta· Shakra
· Saint· Sevendust
· The Graveyard Boulevard· Malstrom
· Pink Cream 69· Whitesnake
· Brides of Destruction· Body Count
· Dew Scented· Volbeat
· Soil· Death Angel
· Black Stone Cherry· Wolf
· Icon And The Black Roses· Edge Of Forever
· Jorn· Marillion
· Lonewolf· Dragonspoon
· Acrid· Bonfire
· Rhapsody of Fire· Division
· Annihilator· Polterchrist
· Jungle Rot· Jamie. St. James
· The Project Hate· Haunted By Angels
· Trans-Siberian Orchestra· Creed
· Azrael's Bane· Emerald Sun
· Helgrind· Ligeia
· Blood Red Throne· Hellfueled
· Impaled· Dirt
· Korpiklaani· Vicious Circle
· Heartcry· Car Bomb
· Icarus Witch· Chuck Schuldiner
· Backyard Babies· John Sykes
· Cemetary· Stormwarrior
· Kaamos· Oathean
· God Fear None· Soul SirkUS
· Kryoburn· Operatika
· Fastkill· Nightrage
· Embraze· Manntis
· God Among Insects· Darkane
· Slough Feg· Subterranean Masquerade
· Voyager· Secrets She Kept
· Alice Cooper· Wetwork
· Before The Dawn· Crystal Fate
· Penetrator· Algol3
· Savage Circus· Arthemis
· Paths Of Possession· Ghost Machinery
· Even X· Akercocke
· Avulsed· Chain Collector
· Zero Down· Early Man
· Grimfist· Nikki Puppet
· Moonspell· Valhalla
· Viron· The Smackdown
· Bal-Sagoth· Cavalar
· Athanator· Speed/Kill/Hate
· Ensoph· Upon Infliction
· Dawn of Azazel· Suzukiton
· Vengeance· Destruction
· Dendura· Shadows Within
· Wednesday 13· The Ruins of Beverast
· Anata· Zoroaster
· Mastodon· Rotting Christ
· Cult of Daath· Winger
· Darkness Eternal· Diagnose: Lebensgefahr
· Manticore· Old Man's Child
· Dezperadoz· Incrave
· Satariel· Hacride
· Spit Like This· Antigama
· Kruger· Hell N' Diesel
· Spheric Universe Experience· Rosetta
· Witchfinder General· Burzum
· Vulture Industries· Embalming Theatre
· Medieval Steel· Son of Eric
· Place Of Skulls· Cursed
· Faded Hope· Sister Sin
· Dark Castle