F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Lost Horizon· Opeth
· Twilight Odyssey· Big Dumb Face
· Immolation· Misery Index
· Mondo Generator· Solemnity
· Grave Digger· Skullview
· Majesty· Usurper
· Widowmaker· Ravage
· Dark Moor· Crematorium
· Angel Dust· Goat Horn
· Tungsten· Endless Time
· Victory· Evanesce
· Assrockers· Beautiful Creatures
· Axenstar· Mnemic
· Drillpoint· Attacker
· Murdercycle· Lacuna Coil
· Asperity· Killik
· Devil To Pay· UFO
· Cans· Amityville Whore
· Van Helsing’s Curse· Highlord
· U.D.O.· De Lirium's Order
· Fabrizio Bonanno· Meliah Rage
· Dream Evil· Beaten Back To Pure
· Lullacry· Medusa
· Polterchrist· Marshall Law
· House of Shakira· GWAR
· The Last Act· Ironhorse
· Trans-Siberian Orchestra· Sonata Arctica
· Feared Creation· Motley Crue
· Audiovision· Rottweiller
· Corrosion Of Conformity· Crionics
· Kamelot· Necrophagia
· Labyrinth· John Sykes
· Wolverine· Diecast
· Cemetary· Freedom Call
· Omegalord· Frantic Bleep
· Strapping Young Lad· Thunderblast
· Throes of Dawn· Biss
· Graveworm· Darkane
· Slough Feg· Sentenced
· Unshine· Evemaster
· Leaves Eyes· Gaia
· Alice Cooper· Impaled Nazarene
· Blitzkrieg· Peccatum
· Illuminatus· 1349
· Barcode· Ewigkeit
· Phantom X· Thrones
· Even X· Spellbound
· Overmars· Urizen
· The Classic Struggle· Sinocence
· God Forbid· Dogs Of Winter
· Absu· Nobody's Fool
· End My Sorrow· Second Shadow
· Witchery· Tandjent
· Daylight Dies· Steep
· Firehouse· Clawfinger
· Degree Absolute· Silver Dirt
· Elvenking· The Strongest Proof
· Royal Hunt· Michael Orlando
· Suzukiton· Hydrogyn
· Paul Bonrud· Sahg
· Skid Row· Warface
· Agalloch· Fleshgore
· Burialmound· The Ruins of Beverast
· Jeff Walker und Die Fluffers· The Finals
· Enochian Crescent· Battle Bratt
· Teeth of the Hydra· Sathanas
· E-lane· Escape The Fate
· Winger· Darkness Eternal
· Gaza· Warmachine
· Dezperadoz· Grenouer
· Katrina Johansson· Antigama
· Tears· David Galas
· Throneum· The Wonderfools
· Funeral· Sworn Enemy
· Ensiferum· Spheric Universe Experience
· Dantesco· I Shalt Become
· Cockpit· Deceiver
· Mortiis· The Obsessed
· Godhead· Equilibrium
· Virgin Black· The Lamp of Thoth
· Bible Of The Devil· The More I See
· Battleroar· Sister Sin