F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Into Eternity· Opeth
· Sinner· Vicious Mary
· Misery Index· Tiamat
· Exmortem· Disturbed
· Neck· Deranged
· Dirty Power· Circle II Circle
· Godflesh· Firewind
· Angel Dust· Late Nite Romeo
· Dr. Butcher· Johnny Lokke
· Catch 22· Eidolon
· Hypocrisy· Edguy
· Krisiun· Slayer
· Defiled· Dreamaker
· TNA· Death Angel
· Construcdead· Leash Law
· Deep Purple· Kingcrow
· Wolf· Epica
· Edge Of Forever· Jorn
· Brutal Mastication· House of Lords
· Destructor· Acrid
· Joe Lynn Turner· Insomnium
· Dream Evil· Rhapsody of Fire
· Medusa· Otep
· Theocracy· Z02
· Chris Caffery· Jamie. St. James
· Silent Force· The Lizards
· Agnostic Front· Karmakanic
· Cryme· Creed
· Crowbar· Bloody Sign
· Helgrind· The New Breed
· The Apocalyptic Riders· Entombed
· Korpiklaani· Suidakra
· Desire Black· Darkthrone
· Antares· Marduk
· Bruce Dickinson· Magica
· Soul SirkUS· Babylon
· Slumber· Groundcrew
· Python· Sothis
· Maximum Overdrive· Brand New Sin
· Testament· Sentenced
· Circus Maximus· Taake
· Monolithe· The Father Panic Riot Orchestra
· The Scourger· Future is Tomorrow
· V:28· The Atomic Bitchwax
· Pagan's Mind· Before The Dawn
· Evergrey· Ignarus
· Balatonizer· Dechrist
· Gojira· Ram-Zet
· Wolfmother· Urizen
· Asrai· Define Divine
· The Tenth Circle· Hate
· Absolution· Decapitated
· End My Sorrow· Southern Black Sand
· Naked Beggars· Cardinale
· Thyrane· Steep
· Firehouse· Tris Katone
· Clawfinger· Vreid
· Imagika· Athanator
· Vengeance· Smohalla
· Destruction· She Said Destroy
· Amon Amarth· From the Grave
· Shadows Within· Vicious Rumors
· Woodtemple· Burialmound
· Pump· Setherial
· Enochian Crescent· Battle Bratt
· Semargl· Obtest
· Winger· Deicide
· Quest of Aidance· Battered
· Omnium Gatherum· Terry Sullivan
· Static-X· The Chronicles of Israfel
· Crescent Shield· Merciless Death
· Satariel· Pentacle
· Tears· Transmission 0
· Retrospective· Kruger
· Ensiferum· Keldian
· Heresi· Glenn Hughes
· Cockpit· Ost Est Ima
· Pop Evil· To-Mera
· Alestorm· Iron Fire
· Sin· Coffins
· Sotajumala· Uli Jon Roth
· Sister Sin