F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· LA Guns· White Skull
· Neck· Deranged
· Twisted Tower Dire· Norma Jean
· Solace· Seether
· Steel Attack· Agoraphobic Nosebleed
· Ravage· Masterplan
· God Dethroned· Valley's Eve
· Carnal Forge· Cage
· Conquest· Johnny Lokke
· Agony Divine· Duke
· Pharaoh· Edguy
· Krisiun· Slayer
· Death Angel· Gothic Knights
· Ebony Ark· Cans
· Kingcrow· Wolf
· Highlord· Jorn
· Spiral Madness· Schenker/ Pattison Summit
· Krokus· Therion
· Skeletonwitch· After Forever
· Black Destiny· Lullacry
· Nashville Pussy· Chris Caffery
· Slowlife· Jamie. St. James
· Tartharia· Dark Ruin
· The Lizards· Negative Creeps
· Avenue F· Twisted Sister
· Napalm Death· Sonata Arctica
· Azrael's Bane· Motley Crue
· Miles Beyond· Corrosion Of Conformity
· Astral Doors· Sabaton
· Tarot· Soulscar
· Suidakra· Icarus Witch
· Backyard Babies· the missing:
· Oathean· Omegalord
· Meshuggah· Holy Moses
· Callenish Circle· Burden Of Grief
· Throes of Dawn· Hatesphere
· Embraze· Manntis
· Sothis· Naglfar
· Vicious Art· Communic
· Evemaster· Cannon
· Widow· Wetwork
· Impaled Nazarene· Agents Of The Sun
· Flotsam & Jetsam· Painmuseum
· Mercyful Fate· Lake Of Tears
· Peccatum· Black Majesty
· Orphaned Land· Dirty Americans
· Penetrator· Mabon
· Running Wild· Thrones
· Wolfmother· Sinocence
· Zero Down· The Tenth Circle
· Khold· Nocturnal Rites
· Vader· Taunusheim
· Nobody's Fool· Brother Hawk
· Mental Care Foundation· Second Shadow
· Blackmore's Night· Codeon
· Fields Of The Nephilim· Hell-Born
· Steep· The Berzerker
· Boris· Cryptopsy
· Phoenix Mourning· The Smashup
· Hate Profile· The Furor
· Cult of Luna· Sahg
· Scary Manilow· Vicious Rumors
· Death Breath· Pump
· Belphegor· Eyes of Ligeia
· Eighteen Visions· Escape The Fate
· Extium· Urkraft
· Centinex· Warmachine
· Hardcore Superstar· Onslaught
· Dream Theater· Static-X
· Lord Belial· White Willow
· Chrome Division· Textures
· Five Finger Death Punch· Gotthard
· Spit Like This· Katrina Johansson
· Nominon· Glorior Belli
· Himsa· Keep of Kalessin
· Cauldron· Dantesco
· Orthodox· Bilocate
· Gutted With Broken Glass· The Obsessed
· Straight Line Stitch· Manilla Road
· To-Mera· Bible Of The Devil
· Faded Hope· Caliban
· DC4· Uli Jon Roth