F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Demons and Wizards· Loudness
· Nightwish· The Great Deceiver
· Chaingunn· Big Dumb Face
· Immolation· Poisonblack
· Tiamat· Dokken
· Solemnity· Neck
· Stratovarius· Twisted Tower Dire
· Seven Witches· Helloween
· Seether· Mark Boals
· Advent· Angel Dust
· Abigor· Late Nite Romeo
· Valley's Eve· Carnal Forge
· H.I.M.· Thunderbolt
· Curriculum Mortis· King Diamond
· Sludge!· Duke
· Stalker· Halloween
· Whitesnake· Primal Fear
· DevilDriver· Probot
· Neverland· Three Inches of Blood
· Death Angel· I Hate Sally
· Yngwie Malmsteen· Celesty
· Jag Panzer· Madison Paige
· Wolf· Icon And The Black Roses
· Edge Of Forever· U.D.O.
· Juggernott· Krokus
· Joe Lynn Turner· Chapter VIII
· Scorpions· Skeletonwitch
· Dream Evil· Images of Eden
· Dio· Medusa
· Otep· Scavenger
· Z02· Witchburner
· Haunted By Angels· The 7 Method
· Avenue F· Twisted Sister
· Creed· Dark Tranquillity
· Shatterpoint· Backyard Babies
· Stormwarrior· Novembers Doom
· Boomerang· Pure Inc
· Bleed The Sky· Meshuggah
· Chastain· Neil Turbin
· Shade Empire· Nightrage
· Defleshed· Slough Feg
· Testament· Circus Maximus
· Horna· Leaves Eyes
· Cannon· Devil Lee Rot
· Morgana Lefay· Clutch
· Redemption· Dragonia
· Before The Dawn· Sun O)))
· Savage Circus· Avenged Sevenfold
· The Absence· Phantom X
· Damnation· Thrones
· Wolfmother· Urizen
· Mastermind· The Classic Struggle
· Dogs Of Winter· Hate
· Sodom· Brother Hawk
· Powerglove· Poison
· Nightmare· Dissection
· Cryptopsy· The Ocean
· Silver Dirt· Ampast
· Cataract· The Furor
· Ensoph· Royal Hunt
· Cult of Luna· Fragments of Unbecoming
· Smohalla· Warface
· Fleshgore· Vicious Rumors
· I· Wednesday 13
· Death Breath· Pretty Maids
· Thy Majestie· Semargl
· Isis· Eyes of Ligeia
· Lupara· Sathanas
· Demise· Deicide
· Lecherous Nocturne· Centinex
· Warmachine· Melechesh
· Static-X· Madking Ludwig
· Old Man's Child· Zyklon
· Blood of the Black Owl· White Willow
· Almah· Chrome Division
· Antigama· Malevolent Creation
· JR Ewing· Keep of Kalessin
· Cockpit· Ost Est Ima
· Blood Haven· Last Stone Cast
· Trinacria· Bullet For My Valentine
· The More I See· Papa Roach
· Something Beautiful· Battleroar
· Uli Jon Roth