F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Demons and Wizards· The Kovenant
· Lost Horizon· Opeth
· Slipknot· The Great Deceiver
· Twilight Odyssey· Immolation
· Tiamat· Rebellion
· Twelfth Gate· Goatwhore
· Kataklysm· Skullview
· Celestial Ode· Seether
· Vaginal Carnage· Advent
· Sickspeed· Conquest
· Pelican· Goat Horn
· Black Sabbath· Saint
· Paragon· Godiva
· Artension· Evanesce
· Nordheim· Stryper
· Guardians Of Time· Windseeker
· Thunderstone· Stalker
· Halloween· Attacker
· Krisiun· Deivos
· Three Inches of Blood· Superchrist
· Exodus· Jag Panzer
· Bleeding Inc· Outworld
· Epica· Donnerkopf
· Destructor· Joe Lynn Turner
· Skeletonwitch· Wintersun
· Occult· Unearth
· I.C.E.· Polterchrist
· Internal Bleeding· Jamie. St. James
· House of Shakira· Witchburner
· The Lizards· Made of Iron
· Behemoth· Avenue F
· Cryme· Dark Tranquillity
· Sonata Arctica· John Oliva's Pain
· Motley Crue· Audiovision
· Lost Soul· Corrosion Of Conformity
· Korpiklaani· Quiet Riot
· Hellfire· Pure Inc
· Debris Inc.· Fire Alley
· Swallow The Sun· Ignitor
· Gizmachi· Raintime
· Burden Of Grief· Shade Empire
· Slumber· Pro-Pain
· Hatesphere· Disbelief
· Agents Of Man· Vicious Art
· Ektomorf· Kult ov Azazel
· Sebastian Bach· Nightvision
· Iron Maidens· Warchild
· Black Majesty· Before The Dawn
· Overloaded· Sun O)))
· 1349· Running Wild
· Damnation· Vile
· Wolfmother· Urizen
· Chain Collector· Dragonlord
· Khold· Motorhead
· Decapitated· Sodom
· Mental Care Foundation· Thryfing
· Tris Katone· Viron
· Pyramaze· Vreid
· The Strongest Proof· Theater of Tragedy
· War Within· Amon Amarth
· Shadows Within· Burialmound
· The Ruins of Beverast· Death Breath
· Setherial· The Finals
· Thy Majestie· Amputated
· Zoroaster· Semargl
· Eyes of Ligeia· Twinball
· Obtest· Demise
· Extium· Starkweather
· Gaza· Twisted Into Form
· Manticore· Necrophobic
· Merciless Death· Dezperadoz
· Grenouer· Blood of the Black Owl
· Five Finger Death Punch· Divine Empire
· Pentacle· Aborted
· Denial Fiend· Wuthering Heights
· Fight· Depressed Mode
· Echoes of Eternity· Shining Star
· Demonic Symphony· Jesus Martyr
· Blood Haven· Burzum
· Intolerant· Uriah Heep
· Sin· Faded Hope
· Ihsahn· Raven