F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Hate Eternal· Scanner
· Perzonal War· Grave Digger
· Regurgitate· Twelfth Gate
· Skullview· Kalibas
· Solace· Warhorse
· Queensryche· Seether
· Nazareth· Lamb of God
· Widowmaker· Pyn Siren
· Exawatt· Catch 22
· Fireball Ministry· The Graveyard Boulevard
· Wycked Synn· Crystal Eyes
· Tad Morose· Vhaldemar
· Hypocrisy· Murdercycle
· Pharaoh· Krisiun
· Fraise· Doro
· Royal Anguish· Tesla
· Fear Factory· Celesty
· Scala Mercalli· Babylon Mystery Orchestra
· Bang The Union· Kingcrow
· Outworld· Epica
· Amityville Whore· Donnerkopf
· Gamma Ray· Highlord
· Jorn· Marillion
· Lonewolf· Devil In The Kitchen
· Fireaxe· Killswitch Engage
· Metal Church· Tearabyte
· Nashville Pussy· Otep
· Internal Bleeding· Made of Iron
· Seventh One· Tsjuder
· Twisted Sister· Creed
· Dark Tranquillity· Sonata Arctica
· Legion· Cradle To Grave
· Emerald Sun· Image
· Quiet Riot· Labyrinth
· Tarot· Heartcry
· Carina Alfie· Nevermore
· Apocalyptica· Alex Skolnick Trio
· Magica· Soul SirkUS
· Chastain· Debris Inc.
· Sinisthra· Shade Empire
· Slumber· Sothis
· Vicious Art· Brand New Sin
· Subterranean Masquerade· Dynamic Lights
· Evemaster· Sebastian Bach
· Power Quest· Cannon
· Morgana Lefay· Clutch
· Warchild· Painmuseum
· Loits· Lake Of Tears
· Monster Magnet· Crystal Fate
· Winterfell· Damnation
· Balatonizer· Mistress
· Avulsed· Mastermind
· Celebratum· Dragonlord
· Khold· Detonation
· Motorhead· Virgin Steele
· End of Level Boss· From This Day
· Sodom· Grimfist
· Mental Care Foundation· Thryfing
· Tandjent· Lair Of The Minotaur
· Steep· Dissection
· Valhalla· The Smackdown
· Elvenking· Cavalar
· Bludgeon· Dreams of Damnation
· Apiary· Ensoph
· Before Silence· Gorgoroth
· Nachtmystium· War Within
· Skid Row· I
· Myon· Quest of Aidance
· Urkraft· Warmachine
· Southern Gentleman· Crescent Shield
· Old Man's Child· Cruachan
· Pentacle· Tears
· Glorior Belli· JR Ewing
· Funeral· Faith And Fire
· Himsa· Hell N' Diesel
· Distorted· Glenn Hughes
· Bilocate· Iron Fire
· Cursed· Papa Roach
· My Dying Bride· Crown The Lost
· Dark Castle· Earthen Grave