F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· The Kovenant· Lost Horizon
· Racer X· Scanner
· Opeth· The Great Deceiver
· White Skull· Vicious Mary
· Exmortem· Disturbed
· Solemnity· Regurgitate
· Stratovarius· Godflesh
· Rawhead Rexx· Agoraphobic Nosebleed
· Widowmaker· Late Nite Romeo
· Conquest· Brainstorm
· Black Sabbath· Bloodbath
· Sevendust· Runemagick
· Rage· Rob Rock
· Guardians Of Time· Thunderstone
· Drillpoint· Lacuna Coil
· Brides of Destruction· Out of the Lair
· Doro· Tesla
· Node· Shiva
· Funerus· Jaw
· Messiah's Kiss· Outworld
· Graveland· Amityville Whore
· Skyfire· Velvet Revolver
· Gary Moore· Schenker/ Pattison Summit
· Devil In The Kitchen· Goatsnake
· Skeletonwitch· Final Dawn
· Potential Threat SF· Tearabyte
· Unearth· Medusa
· Otep· Theocracy
· Slowlife· Jamie. St. James
· Tartharia· Throcult
· Incantation· The Last Act
· Ironhorse· Overlorde
· Cryme· Feared Creation
· Bloody Sign· Ligeia
· Kings X· Kamelot
· Icarus Witch· John Sykes
· Darkthrone· Severe Torture
· Bleed The Sky· System Of A Down
· Ramesses· Blind Stare
· Rudra· Darkane
· Unchained· Taake
· Secrets She Kept· Slik Helvetika
· Horna· Ritual Killer
· Nightvision· Fates Warning
· Devil Lee Rot· Iron Maidens
· Scar Symmetry· Warchild
· Ignarus· Forever Slave
· Algol3· Savage Circus
· Avenged Sevenfold· Ewigkeit
· Damnation· Even X
· Doomfoxx· Skullshifter
· Torture Killer· Khold
· Detonation· Nocturnal Rites
· Hate· Absolution
· End of Level Boss· Sodom
· Southern Black Sand· Tandjent
· Lair Of The Minotaur· Thyrane
· Hell-Born· Scum
· Clawfinger· Manngard
· The Furor· TK-421
· Non-Human Level· Black Crucifixion
· Jotunspor· Suzukiton
· Unsilent Phenomenon· Psycroptic
· Setherial· The Abominable Iron Sloth
· Amputated· Cult of Daath
· Biolich· Obtest
· E-lane· Audrey Horne
· Skullflower· Blood Tsunami
· Diagnose: Lebensgefahr· Lost Eden
· Threat Signal· Onslaught
· Mindgrinder· Necrophobic
· Madking Ludwig· Merciless Death
· Passion· Architect
· Ensiferum· Cauldron
· Hell N' Diesel· Mass Extinction
· Ride The Sky· Jesus Martyr
· Aetherius Obscuritas· Manilla Road
· Vulture Industries· To-Mera
· Virgin Black· Bible Of The Devil
· Kiuas· Nasty Idols
· Eighteen Wheels Burning· Caliban
· Sister Sin· Dark Castle