F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· HammerFall· LA Guns
· Lost Horizon· Carpathian Forest
· Tiamat· Solemnity
· Deranged· Machine Head
· Kataklysm· Commit Suicide
· Gun Barrel· Seether
· Majesty· Usurper
· Steel Attack· Iron Maiden
· Legend· Powergod
· Late Nite Romeo· Carnal Forge
· Pelican· Brainstorm
· Evolution· Exawatt
· Agony Divine· Black Sabbath
· Saint· Catch 22
· Inner Rage of Emotion· Bloodbath
· Sevendust· The Graveyard Boulevard
· Malstrom· Axenstar
· Drillpoint· Attacker
· Edguy· Brides of Destruction
· Iron Savior· Hard Echo
· Volbeat· Force Of Evil
· I Hate Sally· Drowning Pool
· Construcdead· Ebony Ark
· downBleed· Cans
· David Shankle Group· Skyfire
· Disarmonia Mundi· Edge Of Forever
· Gamma Ray· Velvet Revolver
· Gary Moore· Dragonspoon
· Cyst· Spiral Madness
· Acrid· Insomnium
· Joey Belladonna· Metal Church
· Wintersun· Beaten Back To Pure
· Otep· Megadeth
· Necrodemon· Jungle Rot
· Internal Bleeding· Ironhorse
· Tsjuder· Karmakanic
· Feared Creation· Milkweed
· Kinetic· Paradise Lost
· Image· Ligeia
· The New Breed· Rottweiller
· Kings X· Lost Soul
· Requiem Aeternam· Soilwork
· Sabaton· Shatterpoint
· Vicious Circle· Carina Alfie
· Apocalyptica· Freedom Call
· Magica· Slumber
· Def Leppard· Hatesphere
· Brand New Sin· Goddess Of Desire
· Kult ov Azazel· Nuse
· Gemini 5· Impaled Nazarene
· Nuclear Assault· Painmuseum
· Monster Magnet· Third Degree
· Avenged Sevenfold· Dechrist
· Cryogen· Ram-Zet
· Urizen· Celebratum
· Zero Down· Virgin Steele
· Hate· Nobody's Fool
· Mental Care Foundation· Cardinale
· Nikki Puppet· Thyrane
· Fields Of The Nephilim· Tris Katone
· Viron· Candlemass
· TK-421· Non-Human Level
· Azure· She Said Destroy
· Fleshgore· From the Grave
· Vicious Rumors· Pretty Maids
· Anata· The Abominable Iron Sloth
· Wastefall· Oblomov
· Satyricon· Teeth of the Hydra
· Centinex· Gaza
· Handful of Hate· Twisted Into Form
· Threat Signal· Onslaught
· Necrophobic· Grenouer
· Marc Sasso· Textures
· Pentacle· Nominon
· Antigama· Trenchfoot
· Hearse· Temple Of Blood
· Dantesco· Glenn Hughes
· Ride The Sky· Ost Est Ima
· Trivium· Straight Line Stitch
· Moonshine· Trinacria
· Alestorm· Kiuas
· Place Of Skulls· Cursed
· Sin· Luna Mortis
· Sotajumala