F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Bathory· Demons and Wizards
· Hate Eternal· Loudness
· Vicious Mary· Big Dumb Face
· Twelfth Gate· Machine Head
· Kataklysm· Solace
· Overkill· Godsmack
· Mark Boals· Mortician
· Circle of Nero· SelfInflicted
· Iced Earth· Biomechanical
· Godiva· Bloodbath
· Artension· Runemagick
· Rob Rock· Axenstar
· Tad Morose· Thunderstone
· Halloween· Fraise
· Asperity· Deivos
· Soul Reaper· Fear Factory
· Force Of Evil· Drowning Pool
· Gothic Knights· Ebony Ark
· Bang The Union· Leash Law
· Kingcrow· Epica
· Devil In The Kitchen· Mob Rules
· Goatsnake· Lilitu
· Dream Evil· Black Destiny
· Shadows Fall· Tearabyte
· Medusa· Otep
· Katagory V· Megadeth
· Scavenger· Silent Force
· Acheron· Trans-Siberian Orchestra
· Twisted Sister· Napalm Death
· Mercenary· Helgrind
· Miles Beyond· Kings X
· Loudblast· Sabaton
· Strikelight· Heartcry
· Icarus Witch· Angtoria
· Argument Soul· Pure Inc
· Bleed The Sky· Magica
· Pro-Pain· Nightrage
· Hatesphere· Rudra
· Naglfar· Slik Helvetika
· Prowler Inc.· Leaves Eyes
· Resurrecturis· Sheavy
· Blitzkrieg· Warchild
· Painmuseum· V:28
· Monster Magnet· Dirty Americans
· Blood Thirsty Demons· Winterfell
· Overloaded· Bolt Thrower
· Arthemis· Paths Of Possession
· Balatonizer· Akercocke
· Crystal Ball· Urizen
· Skullshifter· The Classic Struggle
· Sinocence· Insense
· End My Sorrow· Second Shadow
· Cannibal Corpse· Dissection
· Degree Absolute· Bal-Sagoth
· Vreid· Imagika
· Cavalar· Hirax
· Dawn of Azazel· Michael Orlando
· Gorgoroth· Unsilent Phenomenon
· Smohalla· Scary Manilow
· Warface· From the Grave
· Mouth of the Architect· I
· Jeff Walker und Die Fluffers· Abominant
· Enochian Crescent· Oblomov
· Escape The Fate· Panzerchrist
· Winger· Celtic Frost
· Twisted Into Form· Threat Signal
· Battered· Dream Theater
· In This Moment· Chrome Division
· Divine Empire· Rob Zombie
· Fight· Temple Of Blood
· Cauldron· Keldian
· Pathosray· Diamond Dogs
· Heresi· Alkemyst
· Ride The Sky· 40 Below Summer
· Ost Est Ima· The Obsessed
· Godhead· The Lamp of Thoth
· Trinacria· Intolerant
· The More I See· Wolfgate
· Eighteen Wheels Burning· Battleroar
· Giant Squid