F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· HammerFall· Hate Eternal
· Opeth· Sinner
· BloodDuster· Regurgitate
· Symphorce· Helloween
· Seether· Fozzy
· Lamb of God· Legend
· Valley's Eve· Cage
· Exawatt· Shakra
· Inner Rage of Emotion· Godiva
· Dragonforce· Wycked Synn
· Stryper· Eidolon
· Mnemic· Stalker
· Edguy· Dreamaker
· Three Inches of Blood· Death Angel
· Drowning Pool· Bang The Union
· UFO· Bleeding Inc
· W.A.S.P.· Wolf
· Amityville Whore· Skyfire
· Velvet Revolver· Marillion
· De Lirium's Order· Devil In The Kitchen
· Scorpions· After Forever
· Black Destiny· Dio
· Nashville Pussy· Annihilator
· Jungle Rot· Internal Bleeding
· Conquestador· Within Temptation
· The Lizards· Acheron
· Ironhorse· Negative Creeps
· Angra· Rush
· Sonata Arctica· Crowbar
· Scenteria· Blood Red Throne
· Kings X· Veni Domine
· Loudblast· Sabaton
· Shatterpoint· Hellfire
· Soulscar· Argument Soul
· Severe Torture· Meshuggah
· Lord Gore· Axel Rudi Pell
· Holy Moses· Ramesses
· Throes of Dawn· Green Carnation
· Hatesphere· Ivory Knight
· Blind Stare· Sothis
· Maximum Overdrive· Unchained
· Dynamic Lights· Sebastian Bach
· Ritual Killer· Thor
· Devil Lee Rot· Love Forsaken
· Agents Of The Sun· Blitzkrieg
· Loits· V:28
· Pagan's Mind· Bolt Thrower
· Barcode· Ghost Machinery
· Zero Down· The Tenth Circle
· Torture Killer· Khold
· Nocturnal Rites· Decapitated
· Thryfing· Across Tundras
· Cannibal Corpse· Lair Of The Minotaur
· Thyrane· Silver Dirt
· Vreid· TK-421
· Theater of Tragedy· Suzukiton
· Vengeance· Azure
· Amon Amarth· Jeff Walker und Die Fluffers
· Semargl· Rotting Christ
· Twinball· Urkraft
· Skullflower· Fu Manchu
· Terry Sullivan· Manticore
· Madking Ludwig· Blood of the Black Owl
· Nagelfar· White Willow
· Mithras· Gotthard
· Warner Drive· Kruger
· David Galas· Funeral
· Randy Ellefson· Keep of Kalessin
· Temple Of Blood· Spheric Universe Experience
· Night Ranger· Averse Sefira
· I Shalt Become· 40 Below Summer
· Gutted With Broken Glass· Ost Est Ima
· The Obsessed· Aetherius Obscuritas
· Trivium· Pop Evil
· Manilla Road· Bullet For My Valentine
· Deadsea· Place Of Skulls
· UFOmammut· Papa Roach
· Ihsahn· Battleroar
· Caliban· Uli Jon Roth
· Suspyre· Dark Castle