F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· In Flames· LA Guns
· Steel Prophet· Anthrax
· Cradle of Filth· Goatwhore
· December· Kataklysm
· Commit Suicide· Dirty Power
· Seven Witches· Helloween
· Nazareth· Powergod
· Johnny Lokke· Tungsten
· Exawatt· Nicta
· Shakra· Iced Earth
· Biomechanical· Chainsnap
· Artension· Mourning Beloveth
· Steel Preacher· Dream Weaver
· Sinergy· Thunderstone
· Stalker· Pharaoh
· Krisiun· Lacuna Coil
· Brides of Destruction· Deivos
· Iron Savior· Hard Echo
· Scala Mercalli· Messiah's Kiss
· Kingcrow· Amityville Whore
· Icon And The Black Roses· Donnerkopf
· Judas Priest· Black Zodiac
· Juggernott· Destructor
· Acrid· Goatsnake
· Metal Church· Saxon
· Beaten Back To Pure· Dark Age
· Division· Megadeth
· Chris Caffery· Necrodemon
· GWAR· Dark Ruin
· Triumph· Sonata Arctica
· Bloody Sign· Audiovision
· Rottweiller· Belef
· Astral Doors· Yyrkoon
· Vicious Circle· Heartcry
· Soulscar· Apocalyptica
· Backyard Babies· Chaoswave
· God Fear None· Frantic Bleep
· Magica· Fire Alley
· Ignitor· Blind Stare
· God Among Insects· Brand New Sin
· Communic· Sentenced
· Kult ov Azazel· Secrets She Kept
· Nuse· Prowler Inc.
· Power Quest· Impaled Nazarene
· Holy Blood· Morgana Lefay
· Edenbridge· Blitzkrieg
· Future is Tomorrow· Mercyful Fate
· Black Majesty· Penetrator
· Casus Belli· Thrones
· Dechrist· Infliction
· Chain Collector· The Classic Struggle
· Absolution· Early Man
· Craft· Second Shadow
· Naked Beggars· Blackmore's Night
· 286· Upwards of Endtime
· Nightmare· Hell-Born
· Steep· Cryptopsy
· Valhalla· Warrant (Amer)
· Vreid· Cataract
· Speed/Kill/Hate· Non-Human Level
· Upon Infliction· Gorgoroth
· Unsilent Phenomenon· Amon Amarth
· Fleshgore· Shadows Within
· I· Skyforger
· Hurt· The Ruins of Beverast
· The Finals· Eyes of Ligeia
· Twinball· Middian
· Starkweather· Handful of Hate
· Melechesh· Diagnose: Lebensgefahr
· Omnium Gatherum· Old Man's Child
· Zyklon· White Willow
· Pantera· Textures
· Mithras· Hacride
· Wuthering Heights· Ulcerate
· The Wonderfools· Temple Of Blood
· Heresi· I Shalt Become
· Ride The Sky· Gutted With Broken Glass
· Father Befouled· Straight Line Stitch
· Equilibrium· Celestia
· Sin· Papa Roach
· Winterfylleth· Nasty Idols
· Sotajumala· Suspyre
· Earthen Grave