F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· The Kovenant· Mudvayne
· Exmortem· Solemnity
· Impellitteri· Machine Head
· Seether· Usurper
· Angel Dust· Power of Omens
· Valley's Eve· Johnny Lokke
· Pyn Siren· Ion Vein
· Exawatt· Byfist
· Supervillain· Iced Earth
· Sevendust· The Graveyard Boulevard
· Morbid Angel· Crystal Eyes
· Rob Rock· Guardians Of Time
· Tad Morose· Stalker
· Hypocrisy· Iron Savior
· Force Of Evil· Riot
· Evanescence· downBleed
· Outworld· Graveland
· Judas Priest· Joe Stump
· De Lirium's Order· Acrid
· Devil In The Kitchen· Insomnium
· Scorpions· Imp
· Wintersun· Potential Threat SF
· Occult· Dark Age
· Division· Eternal Flight
· I.C.E.· Ironhorse
· Agnostic Front· Blind Guardian
· Mirror of Deception· Hanzel Und Gretyl
· Behemoth· Angra
· Code Black· Ligeia
· Audiovision· Rottweiller
· Entombed· Belef
· Hellfueled· Loudblast
· Soilwork· Dirt
· Seige of Hate· Soulscar
· Suidakra· Nevermore
· Diecast· Crimson Moonlight
· Marduk· Alex Skolnick Trio
· God Fear None· Meshuggah
· Lord Gore· Holy Moses
· Kryoburn· Gizmachi
· Throes of Dawn· Hatesphere
· Communic· Slough Feg
· Taake· Nuse
· Evemaster· Monolithe
· Power Quest· Impaled Nazarene
· Holy Blood· Iron Maidens
· Nuclear Assault· Future is Tomorrow
· Peccatum· Pagan's Mind
· Eternal Reign· Paths Of Possession
· Balatonizer· Cryogen
· Ram-Zet· Wolfmother
· The Classic Struggle· Sinocence
· Absu· Machina
· Taunusheim· Sodom
· Blackmore's Night· The Berzerker
· Cryptopsy· Leviathan/Sapthuran
· Valhalla· Cataract
· Dream Or Nightmare· The Sword
· Bludgeon· Abysmal Dawn
· Ensoph· Upon Infliction
· Royal Hunt· Cult of Luna
· Sahg· Scary Manilow
· Shadows Within· Jeff Walker und Die Fluffers
· Enochian Crescent· Myon
· Semargl· Sathanas
· E-lane· Celtic Frost
· Urkraft· Phazm
· Fu Manchu· With Passion
· Onslaught· Crescent Shield
· White Willow· Denial Fiend
· Glorior Belli· David Galas
· JR Ewing· Fight
· Keep of Kalessin· Frosthardr
· The Obsessed· Aetherius Obscuritas
· Pop Evil· Burzum
· Bible Of The Devil· Alestorm
· Iron Fire· Luna Mortis
· Something Beautiful· Mustasch
· My Dying Bride