C O L U M N S

Tales from the Jugular

Top 25 Worst Metal Album Names

By: Rod Throwen
Published: Sunday, August 13, 2006
Tales From The Jugular - Top 25 Worst Metal Album Names

Rod T. comin' at ya live! I'm making a very special guest appearance over here on the Tales side to bring you another heapin' helpin' of listmania! This time it's the Top 25 worst damn album titles. We've all seen it before. You are browsing the local metal section of your store and you spot that album. You say to yourself, why in the Hell did they name a record that. I've been there before, many many times, prompting me to make a list of the worst album titles I've seen in the metal industry thus far. Many of you have read EC's "Listmania" before, ranging from "Top Christian Metal Albums" to "Vinyl That Needs Released On Disc". I thought it would be a great addition to Maximum Metal to add my own list of titles, those crazy metal releases that just leave you asking WHY baby WHY?

Let me speak on this......roll it!

------------------------

25. DEZIRE - A Rock Band Named Dezire (There has to be something you can come up with...Dezire....I Dezire....Dezire Me)

24. BONED - Up At The Crack (Obviously intended humor...should have went Boned - Up At The Crack Of Dawn's Ass)

23. KARO - Heavy Birthday

22. AXEWITCH - Hooked On High Heels

21. NOISEHUNTER - Spell Of Noise

20. VICTORY - You Bought It, You Name It

19. AFTERWORLD - Connecting Animals

18. ROXXI - Drive It To Ya Hard! (You can pretty much insert any glam album title here)

17. OVERDOSE - You're Really Big (Clever)

16. KPP - Fist To Crush Your Teeth, Axe To Crush Your Skull (3 Inches Of Blood....it is too late to grab this title)

15. PAIN OF SALVATION - One Hour By The Concrete Lake

14. OTHYRWORLD - Beyond Into The Night Of Day (WTF!)

13. CLUTCH - The Elephant Riders (Fly Dumbo Fly Damnit!)

12. ENGLISH DOGS - Invasion Of The Porky Men

11. ROYAL HUNT - Paper Blood (How about Paper Cut = Blood)

10. FLESHCRAWL - As Blood Reigns From The Sky We Walk The Path Of Endless Fire (I want to hear Beavis say that)

9. PRETTY MAIDS - In Santa's Claws

8. KING'S X - Please Come Home Mr. Bulbous (Please don't!)

7. GHOSTORM - Frozen In Fire (Huh?)

6. ANVIL - Backwaxed

5. BATTAGIA - Cockroach Meat (Taste like Spam!)

4. RUNNING WILD - Under Jolly Roger (Images of Frank Hill pinned down on a prison cot)

3. WOLFSBANE - All Hell's Breaking Loose Down At Little Kathy Wilson's Place

2. HELLOWEEN - Pink Bubbles Go Ape (This reminds me of that old cartoon Grape Ape)

1. FREEDOM CALL - Stairway To Fairyland (Possibly the soundtrack for Will & Grace)


Honorable Mention:

Godsmack - IV (That would be all good if it were their forth CD, but it is their 6th).
Pariah - To Mock A Killingbird
The Duke - My Kung-Fu Is Good
A.F.I. - Answer That and Stay Fashionable
Loudness; The Birthday Eve
Loudness: Law of Devil's Land
Brats: 1980 Brats (talk about dated!)
HammerFall: Crimson Thunder (Dumb. You can't SEE thunder!)
Picture: Heavy Metal Ears
Picture: Every Story Needs Another Picture
Vow Wow: Beat of Metal Motion
Guns and Roses: The Spaghetti Incident
Headhunter: A Bizarre Gardening Accident
Black Mail: A Female Impersonator
Helloween: Rabbit Don't Come Easy
Strange Sects: Hair's Lookin' At Ya
Warrior Soul: Chill Pill (dated silly lingo)



[Other Maximum Metal Columns]

<< back >>





RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
. Hate Eternal. Scanner
. Misery Index. Solemnity
. Regurgitate. Cradle of Filth
. December. Skullview
. Overkill. Godsmack
. Fozzy. Agoraphobic Nosebleed
. Sickspeed. Legend
. Firewind. Metallica
. Angel Dust. Powergod
. October 31. The Chainsaw
. Ion Vein. Tungsten
. Godiva. Fireball Ministry
. Thunderbolt. The Graveyard Boulevard
. Malstrom. Rob Rock
. Guardians Of Time. Stalker
. Drillpoint. Halloween
. Whitesnake. Fraise
. Brides of Destruction. Deivos
. Volbeat. Soil
. Node. Death Angel
. Silver Mountain. Celesty
. Jaw. Ebony Ark
. Donnerkopf. Meliah Rage
. Lilitu. Dream Evil
. After Forever. Metal Church
. Psychotron. Aina
. Medusa. Annihilator
. Chris Caffery. Throcult
. Incantation. Ironhorse
. Rush. Feared Creation
. Audiovision. Loudblast
. Seige of Hate. Necrophagia
. Astral Doors. Sabaton
. Shatterpoint. Yyrkoon
. Desire Black. Cemetary
. Antares. Kaamos
. Boomerang. Derek Sherinian
. Bruce Dickinson. Operatika
. Strapping Young Lad. Thunderblast
. Callenish Circle. Raintime
. Pro-Pain. Green Carnation
. Groundcrew. Sothis
. God Among Insects. Communic
. Darkane. Taake
. Voyager. Secrets She Kept
. Slik Helvetika. Monolithe
. Wetwork. Iron Maidens
. Scar Symmetry. Evergrey
. Crystal Fate. Third Degree
. Ewigkeit. Vinterriket
. The Absence. Ghost Machinery
. Crystal Ball. Doomfoxx
. Vile. Chain Collector
. Skullshifter. Bronx Casket Company
. Dogs Of Winter. Dismember
. Absolution. From This Day
. Grimfist. Fallen Wisdom
. Across Tundras. Southern Black Sand
. Blackmore's Night. Intronaut
. Lair Of The Minotaur. Wolves in the Throne Room
. The Ocean. Warrant (Amer)
. Pyramaze. Imagika
. Down Factor. Hirax
. Speed/Kill/Hate. Apiary
. Michael Orlando. Before Silence
. Unsilent Phenomenon. Paul Bonrud
. Amon Amarth. Vicious Rumors
. Woodtemple. Pretty Maids
. Battle Bratt. Thy Majestie
. Eighteen Visions. Twinball
. Biolich. Lesbian Bed Death
. E-lane. Quest of Aidance
. Urkraft. Gaza
. Warbringer. Static-X
. Manticore. Lord Belial
. Cattle Decapitation. White Wizzard
. Pantera. Five Finger Death Punch
. Warner Drive. Hearse
. Cauldron. Heresi
. Pathology. Alkemyst
. Gutted With Broken Glass. Rosetta
. Mortiis. Blood Haven
. Last Stone Cast. Hacksaw Surgery
. Bullet For My Valentine. Alestorm
. Iron Fire. Ihsahn
. Something Beautiful. Earthen Grave