F E A T U R E

Van Halen Release Review: "A Different Kind of Toupe" by Jonah Haze
4/13/2012 2:24:21 PM by Frank




"Dave saves the day personally. He gave them an "EPI" shot with a new phonograph needle. Rocking the cradle, getting unchained, (minding the women and children first); he was all the while maintaining the moving parts clean of this heavy machine. This is not Angelina "Jolie's" Diver Down, more like Ronnie Dio's "Holy" Diver Down.

You almost have to hold it with both hands its surprisingly heavy. Mind you this is Van Franklen but this is what will erupt the ears of the old. This is what will corrupt the years of the ears to come. Goddamn! If you didn't know me any wiser, this is fresh magic from the Van Halen Family Dutch oven.

Oh yeah, remember a guitar player named Eddie Van Halen?! Allow It! The magic man with the famous "fingertap" now holds nothing back with his reconstructed cyber hands. He sounds like the Terminator re-re-re-reprogramed to never ever stop until Sarah Conner is Dead. He searches high and low across the fretboard still so fluent in the hunger of youth. It's almost like some solos don't get to finish what Ed started. They scream at him to just let their final notes fly free from his instrument to live out their remaining resonance on their own terms.

Please welcome "Shreddie Eddie" from his long 5150 stay!"


His Full Bore Review: Van Halen - A Different Kind of Toupe



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
Hate Eternal Mudvayne
Slipknot Regurgitate
Nazareth Steel Attack
Metallica Vyndykator
Led Zeppelin October 31
Exawatt Nicta
Lanfear Crystal Eyes
Savatage Halloween
Pink Cream 69 Iron Savior
Tesla Volbeat
Superchrist Exodus
Jaw Deep Purple
Amityville Whore Low Earth Orbit
Iron Angel Dimmu Borgir
Juggernott Therion
Insomnium Chapter VIII
Meliah Rage Dream Evil
Shadows Fall Wintersun
Theocracy Division
Megadeth Polterchrist
Valume Nob The Project Hate
Haunted By Angels The Last Act
Blind Guardian Trans-Siberian Orchestra
Jackyl The 7 Method
Karmakanic Dark Tranquillity
Fifth Cross Feared Creation
Motley Crue Cradle To Grave
The New Breed Miles Beyond
Blood Red Throne Crionics
Hellfueled Maze Of Torment
Korpiklaani Tarot
Heartcry Angtoria
Darkthrone God Fear None
Raintime Shade Empire
Ivory Knight Raging Speedhorn
Naglfar Taake
Prowler Inc. Ritual Killer
Wetwork Edenbridge
The Scourger Painmuseum
Loits Redemption
Illuminatus Eternal Reign
Evergrey ASG
Barcode Savage Circus
Akercocke Cryogen
Infliction Skullshifter
Sinocence Khold
Early Man Grimfist
Craft Pile of Heads
Second Shadow Totalisti
Intronaut Poison
Lair Of The Minotaur Upwards of Endtime
Wolves in the Throne Room Clawfinger
The Smashup Warrant (Amer)
Vreid Imagika
Cavalar Nicodemus
The Strongest Proof Ensoph
Royal Hunt Theater of Tragedy
Before Silence Gorgoroth
Bloodbound Destruction
Swashbuckle Hydrogyn
Paul Bonrud Amon Amarth
Sahg Pretty Maids
Pump Anata
The Abominable Iron Sloth Enochian Crescent
Mastodon Eighteen Visions
Cult of Daath Sathanas
Quest of Aidance Phazm
The Gathering Fu Manchu
Lost Eden Lord Belial
Dezperadoz Almah
White Wizzard Manes
Aborted Denial Fiend
Transmission 0 Throneum
Hearse Faith And Fire
Ensiferum Echoes of Eternity
Keldian Destynation
Shining Star Trivium
Armory Moonshine
Hacksaw Surgery The Lamp of Thoth
Medieval Steel Uriah Heep
Mar De Grises Bible Of The Devil
Luna Mortis Wolfgate
Something Beautiful Mustasch