F E A T U R E

Van Halen Release Review: "A Different Kind of Toupe" by Jonah Haze
4/13/2012 2:24:21 PM by Frank




"Dave saves the day personally. He gave them an "EPI" shot with a new phonograph needle. Rocking the cradle, getting unchained, (minding the women and children first); he was all the while maintaining the moving parts clean of this heavy machine. This is not Angelina "Jolie's" Diver Down, more like Ronnie Dio's "Holy" Diver Down.

You almost have to hold it with both hands its surprisingly heavy. Mind you this is Van Franklen but this is what will erupt the ears of the old. This is what will corrupt the years of the ears to come. Goddamn! If you didn't know me any wiser, this is fresh magic from the Van Halen Family Dutch oven.

Oh yeah, remember a guitar player named Eddie Van Halen?! Allow It! The magic man with the famous "fingertap" now holds nothing back with his reconstructed cyber hands. He sounds like the Terminator re-re-re-reprogramed to never ever stop until Sarah Conner is Dead. He searches high and low across the fretboard still so fluent in the hunger of youth. It's almost like some solos don't get to finish what Ed started. They scream at him to just let their final notes fly free from his instrument to live out their remaining resonance on their own terms.

Please welcome "Shreddie Eddie" from his long 5150 stay!"


His Full Bore Review: Van Halen - A Different Kind of Toupe



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· The Kovenant· LA Guns
· Nightwish· Scanner
· Opeth· The Haunted
· Grave· Mondo Generator
· Disturbed· Grave Digger
· Anthrax· Impellitteri
· Cradle of Filth· Goatwhore
· Deranged· Dirty Power
· Solace· Overkill
· Godsmack· Nazareth
· Mark Boals· Steel Attack
· Iron Maiden· Wizard
· Metallica· Dr. Butcher
· Valley's Eve· Alchemy X
· Supervillain· Sludge!
· Guardians Of Time· Silent Scythe
· Drillpoint· Wicked Sensation
· Asperity· Neverland
· Fear Factory· Soil
· TNA· Killik
· Exodus· Jag Panzer
· Jaw· UFO
· W.A.S.P.· Disarmonia Mundi
· Donnerkopf· Low Earth Orbit
· Spiral Madness· Estuary
· House of Lords· Schenker/ Pattison Summit
· Lilitu· Final Dawn
· Otep· Division
· Necrodemon· The Project Hate
· Arch Enemy· Within Temptation
· The Last Act· Ironhorse
· Trans-Siberian Orchestra· The 7 Method
· Karmakanic· Angra
· Dark Tranquillity· Fifth Cross
· Kinetic· Emerald Sun
· Audiovision· Kamelot
· Impaled· Seige of Hate
· Sabaton· Heartcry
· Suidakra· Apocalyptica
· Stormwarrior· Marduk
· Chaoswave· Novembers Doom
· Meshuggah· Lord Gore
· Soul SirkUS· Ivory Knight
· Slough Feg· Goddess Of Desire
· Circus Maximus· Dynamic Lights
· Monolithe· Prowler Inc.
· Leaves Eyes· Gaia
· Love Forsaken· Impaled Nazarene
· Warchild· Russell Allen
· ASG· Twilight
· Shattersphere· Running Wild
· Savage Circus· Dechrist
· Even X· Wolfmother
· Define Divine· Sinocence
· The Tenth Circle· Nocturnal Rites
· Hate· Beecher
· Decapitated· Taunusheim
· Insense· Grimfist
· Nobody's Fool· Craft
· Pile of Heads· Thryfing
· Naked Beggars· Upwards of Endtime
· Scum· The Ocean
· Hate Profile· Stormcrow
· The Strongest Proof· Sun Descends
· Upon Infliction· Spawn of Possession
· Michael Orlando· Dendura
· War Within· Amon Amarth
· Sahg· Skyforger
· Centinex· Gaza
· Handful of Hate· Phazm
· Skullflower· Crescent Shield
· Merciless Death· Satariel
· Gotthard· Since the Day
· JR Ewing· The Wonderfools
· Randy Ellefson· Hell N' Diesel
· Heresi· Night Ranger
· Averse Sefira· Orthodox
· 40 Below Summer· Demonic Symphony
· Burzum· Kreator
· Bullet For My Valentine· Uriah Heep
· Alestorm· Place Of Skulls
· Faded Hope· Nasty Idols
· Battleroar