Van Halen Release Review: "A Different Kind of Toupe" by Jonah Haze
4/13/2012 2:24:21 PM by Frank

"Dave saves the day personally. He gave them an "EPI" shot with a new phonograph needle. Rocking the cradle, getting unchained, (minding the women and children first); he was all the while maintaining the moving parts clean of this heavy machine. This is not Angelina "Jolie's" Diver Down, more like Ronnie Dio's "Holy" Diver Down.

You almost have to hold it with both hands its surprisingly heavy. Mind you this is Van Franklen but this is what will erupt the ears of the old. This is what will corrupt the years of the ears to come. Goddamn! If you didn't know me any wiser, this is fresh magic from the Van Halen Family Dutch oven.

Oh yeah, remember a guitar player named Eddie Van Halen?! Allow It! The magic man with the famous "fingertap" now holds nothing back with his reconstructed cyber hands. He sounds like the Terminator re-re-re-reprogramed to never ever stop until Sarah Conner is Dead. He searches high and low across the fretboard still so fluent in the hunger of youth. It's almost like some solos don't get to finish what Ed started. They scream at him to just let their final notes fly free from his instrument to live out their remaining resonance on their own terms.

Please welcome "Shreddie Eddie" from his long 5150 stay!"

His Full Bore Review: Van Halen - A Different Kind of Toupe

<< back >>

Bathory Cathedral
Nightwish Twilight Odyssey
BloodDuster Immolation
Mondo Generator Rebellion
Deranged Circle II Circle
Nazareth Steel Attack
Fozzy Mortician
Sickspeed Metallica
Powergod Carnal Forge
Led Zeppelin October 31
Conquest Tungsten
Endless Time Thunderbolt
Sludge! Sinergy
Stryper Halloween
DevilDriver Slayer
Fraise Iron Savior
Three Inches of Blood Volbeat
Killik Scala Mercalli
Jag Panzer Graveland
David Shankle Group Lonewolf
Brutal Mastication Fabrizio Bonanno
Acrid Therion
Chapter VIII Vox Tempus
Unleashed Beaten Back To Pure
Medusa Theocracy
I.C.E. House of Shakira
The Last Act Mirror of Deception
Mercenary Azrael's Bane
Legion Scenteria
Emerald Sun Helgrind
Ligeia The Apocalyptic Riders
Blood Red Throne Kings X
Crionics Requiem Aeternam
Quiet Riot Hibria
Vicious Circle Tarot
the missing: Kaamos
Oathean Novembers Doom
Strapping Young Lad System Of A Down
Impiety Blind Stare
Raging Speedhorn Mirador
Python Brand New Sin
Ektomorf Darkane
Dark Funeral Goddess Of Desire
Kult ov Azazel Circus Maximus
Voyager Prowler Inc.
Gemini 5 The Father Panic Riot Orchestra
Cannon Devil Lee Rot
Wetwork Clutch
Octavia Sperati Redemption
The Atomic Bitchwax Evergrey
Crystal Fate Winterfell
ASG 1349
The Firstborn Mabon
Balatonizer Spellbound
Gojira Overmars
Chain Collector Bronx Casket Company
Dogs Of Winter Taunusheim
Enforsaken Fallen Wisdom
Totalisti Blackmore's Night
Lair Of The Minotaur Hell-Born
Scum Steep
Cryptopsy Viron
Vore Warrant (Amer)
Cavalar Hate Profile
Spawn of Possession Smohalla
Destruction Paul Bonrud
Sahg Scary Manilow
Agalloch I
Wednesday 13 Death Breath
The Abominable Iron Sloth Isis
Lesbian Bed Death Lordi
E-lane Escape The Fate
Darkness Eternal Celtic Frost
Battered Throne of Katarsis
Static-X Zyklon
Cruachan White Willow
Trouble Chrome Division
Gotthard Antigama
Manes Warner Drive
Throneum Fight
Faith And Fire Cauldron
Night Ranger Glenn Hughes
Mortiis The Obsessed
To-Mera Armory
Intolerant Iron Fire