Van Halen Release Review: "A Different Kind of Toupe" by Jonah Haze
4/13/2012 2:24:21 PM by Frank

"Dave saves the day personally. He gave them an "EPI" shot with a new phonograph needle. Rocking the cradle, getting unchained, (minding the women and children first); he was all the while maintaining the moving parts clean of this heavy machine. This is not Angelina "Jolie's" Diver Down, more like Ronnie Dio's "Holy" Diver Down.

You almost have to hold it with both hands its surprisingly heavy. Mind you this is Van Franklen but this is what will erupt the ears of the old. This is what will corrupt the years of the ears to come. Goddamn! If you didn't know me any wiser, this is fresh magic from the Van Halen Family Dutch oven.

Oh yeah, remember a guitar player named Eddie Van Halen?! Allow It! The magic man with the famous "fingertap" now holds nothing back with his reconstructed cyber hands. He sounds like the Terminator re-re-re-reprogramed to never ever stop until Sarah Conner is Dead. He searches high and low across the fretboard still so fluent in the hunger of youth. It's almost like some solos don't get to finish what Ed started. They scream at him to just let their final notes fly free from his instrument to live out their remaining resonance on their own terms.

Please welcome "Shreddie Eddie" from his long 5150 stay!"

His Full Bore Review: Van Halen - A Different Kind of Toupe

<< back >>

Hate Eternal In Flames
Steel Prophet Chaingunn
Mondo Generator Poisonblack
Dokken Disturbed
Grave Digger Impellitteri
December Kataklysm
Dirty Power Helloween
Godsmack Masterplan
Metallica Abigor
God Dethroned Late Nite Romeo
Black Label Society Led Zeppelin
Supervillain Shakra
Fireball Ministry Dragonforce
The Graveyard Boulevard Rob Rock
Guardians Of Time Edguy
Primal Fear Wicked Sensation
Brides of Destruction Iron Savior
Fairyland Shiva
Death Angel Superchrist
Funerus Jaw
Babylon Mystery Orchestra Madison Paige
Icon And The Black Roses Gary Moore
Black Zodiac Fabrizio Bonanno
Acrid Mob Rules
Chapter VIII Bonfire
Meliah Rage Otep
I.C.E. Polterchrist
Incantation The 7 Method
Tsjuder Avenue F
Tristania Dark Tranquillity
Mercenary Kinetic
Paradise Lost Ligeia
Audiovision The Mighty Nimbus
Divine Fire Blood Red Throne
Belef Requiem Aeternam
Dirt Korpiklaani
Seige of Hate Sabaton
Mechanical Poet Soulscar
Apocalyptica Backyard Babies
the missing: Meshuggah
Operatika Ramesses
Babylon Impiety
Pro-Pain Subterranean Masquerade
Dynamic Lights Nuse
The Father Panic Riot Orchestra Killing Spree
Power Quest Morgana Lefay
Iron Maidens Scar Symmetry
Lake Of Tears Dragonia
Winterfell Overloaded
Bolt Thrower Barcode
Arthemis Damnation
Balatonizer Even X
Crystal Ball Avulsed
Mastermind Celebratum
Dragonlord Motorhead
Nocturnal Rites Decapitated
Taunusheim Insense
Enforsaken Totalisti
Powerglove Blackmore's Night
Lair Of The Minotaur The Ocean
Vore Imagika
Candlemass The Furor
TK-421 Ensoph
Unsilent Phenomenon She Said Destroy
Fleshgore I
Death Breath Jeff Walker und Die Fluffers
Amputated Eyes of Ligeia
Cheva Steve Cone
Skullflower Stonegard
With Passion Onslaught
Static-X Manticore
Crescent Shield Merciless Death
White Willow Five Finger Death Punch
The Prophecy Katrina Johansson
Aborted Wuthering Heights
JR Ewing Cauldron
Keldian Diamond Dogs
Mongrel Heresi
Distorted Alkemyst
40 Below Summer Aetherius Obscuritas
Last Stone Cast To-Mera
Bible Of The Devil Alestorm
Kiuas Sin
Papa Roach Coffins
Crown The Lost