Van Halen Release Review: "A Different Kind of Toupe" by Jonah Haze
4/13/2012 2:24:21 PM by Frank

"Dave saves the day personally. He gave them an "EPI" shot with a new phonograph needle. Rocking the cradle, getting unchained, (minding the women and children first); he was all the while maintaining the moving parts clean of this heavy machine. This is not Angelina "Jolie's" Diver Down, more like Ronnie Dio's "Holy" Diver Down.

You almost have to hold it with both hands its surprisingly heavy. Mind you this is Van Franklen but this is what will erupt the ears of the old. This is what will corrupt the years of the ears to come. Goddamn! If you didn't know me any wiser, this is fresh magic from the Van Halen Family Dutch oven.

Oh yeah, remember a guitar player named Eddie Van Halen?! Allow It! The magic man with the famous "fingertap" now holds nothing back with his reconstructed cyber hands. He sounds like the Terminator re-re-re-reprogramed to never ever stop until Sarah Conner is Dead. He searches high and low across the fretboard still so fluent in the hunger of youth. It's almost like some solos don't get to finish what Ed started. They scream at him to just let their final notes fly free from his instrument to live out their remaining resonance on their own terms.

Please welcome "Shreddie Eddie" from his long 5150 stay!"

His Full Bore Review: Van Halen - A Different Kind of Toupe

<< back >>

In Flames Loudness
Sinner Immolation
Poisonblack Exmortem
Impellitteri Twelfth Gate
Norma Jean Skullview
Commit Suicide Seven Witches
Warhorse Nazareth
Vaginal Carnage Advent
Masterplan Manowar
Cage Alchemy X
Tungsten Iced Earth
Paragon Bloodbath
Crystal Eyes Guardians Of Time
Krisiun Wicked Sensation
Body Count Hard Echo
Tesla Force Of Evil
Death Angel Yngwie Malmsteen
Exodus Ebony Ark
Cans Amityville Whore
Disarmonia Mundi Donnerkopf
Gamma Ray Low Earth Orbit
Zaius Cyst
Acrid Chapter VIII
Scorpions Meliah Rage
Skeletonwitch Killswitch Engage
Black Destiny Images of Eden
Dark Age Eternal Flight
Polterchrist Marshall Law
House of Shakira Mine
Haunted By Angels Blind Guardian
Trans-Siberian Orchestra The 7 Method
Avenue F Tristania
Image Corrosion Of Conformity
Astral Doors Hibria
Sabaton Strikelight
Heartcry Soulscar
Chuck Schuldiner Severe Torture
Oathean God Fear None
Omegalord Meshuggah
Frantic Bleep Debris Inc.
Ignitor Grand Magus
Shade Empire Embraze
Rudra Raging Speedhorn
Astarte Graveworm
Voyager Slik Helvetika
Ritual Killer The Father Panic Riot Orchestra
Power Quest Widow
Havochate Edenbridge
Painmuseum Octavia Sperati
Loits Orphaned Land
ASG Paths Of Possession
Balatonizer Even X
Overmars Vile
Skullshifter Zero Down
Absu Early Man
Sodom Witchery
Poison Nikki Puppet
Fields Of The Nephilim Nightmare
Dissection Tris Katone
Valhalla Dream Or Nightmare
Nicodemus Dreams of Damnation
The Strongest Proof TK-421
Spawn of Possession Before Silence
Cult of Luna Bloodbound
She Said Destroy Paul Bonrud
From the Grave Setherial
Eyes of Ligeia Teeth of the Hydra
Twinball Cult of Daath
Venom Winger
Middian Starkweather
Better Left Unsaid Celtic Frost
Centinex Handful of Hate
Melechesh Throne of Katarsis
Dream Theater White Wizzard
Hacride Pentacle
Rob Zombie Wuthering Heights
Faith And Fire Temple Of Blood
Dantesco Mortiis
Witchfinder General Last Stone Cast
Burzum Kreator
Celestia Alestorm
Place Of Skulls Sin
UFOmammut Mustasch