Van Halen Release Review: "A Different Kind of Toupe" by Jonah Haze
4/13/2012 2:24:21 PM by Frank

"Dave saves the day personally. He gave them an "EPI" shot with a new phonograph needle. Rocking the cradle, getting unchained, (minding the women and children first); he was all the while maintaining the moving parts clean of this heavy machine. This is not Angelina "Jolie's" Diver Down, more like Ronnie Dio's "Holy" Diver Down.

You almost have to hold it with both hands its surprisingly heavy. Mind you this is Van Franklen but this is what will erupt the ears of the old. This is what will corrupt the years of the ears to come. Goddamn! If you didn't know me any wiser, this is fresh magic from the Van Halen Family Dutch oven.

Oh yeah, remember a guitar player named Eddie Van Halen?! Allow It! The magic man with the famous "fingertap" now holds nothing back with his reconstructed cyber hands. He sounds like the Terminator re-re-re-reprogramed to never ever stop until Sarah Conner is Dead. He searches high and low across the fretboard still so fluent in the hunger of youth. It's almost like some solos don't get to finish what Ed started. They scream at him to just let their final notes fly free from his instrument to live out their remaining resonance on their own terms.

Please welcome "Shreddie Eddie" from his long 5150 stay!"

His Full Bore Review: Van Halen - A Different Kind of Toupe

<< back >>

· Demons and Wizards· In Flames
· Scanner· Sinner
· Vicious Mary· Poisonblack
· Solemnity· Grave Digger
· Deceased· Overkill
· Godsmack· Warhorse
· Queensryche· Majesty
· Vaginal Carnage· Mortician
· Dark Moor· Sickspeed
· Exawatt· Nicta
· Supervillain· Runemagick
· Rage· Nordheim
· Axenstar· Duke
· Silent Scythe· Windseeker
· DevilDriver· Fear Factory
· Node· Death Angel
· Edge Of Forever· Van Helsing’s Curse
· Low Earth Orbit· Zaius
· Dragonspoon· Brutal Mastication
· Spiral Madness· Dimmu Borgir
· Devil In The Kitchen· Scorpions
· Psychotron· Aina
· Nashville Pussy· Z02
· Marshall Law· Jamie. St. James
· Neurosis· Mine
· The Project Hate· Incantation
· Anger· Karmakanic
· Rush· Legion
· Paradise Lost· Crowbar
· Gods Of Fire· Image
· Seige of Hate· Tarot
· Suidakra· Angtoria
· Argument Soul· Stormwarrior
· Boomerang· Axis Of Perdition
· Magica· Strapping Young Lad
· Ramesses· Callenish Circle
· Babylon· Def Leppard
· Embraze· Manntis
· Vicious Art· Testament
· Unchained· Taake
· Monolithe· Prowler Inc.
· Horna· Nightvision
· Impaled Nazarene· Havochate
· Holy Blood· Blitzkrieg
· Flotsam & Jetsam· Future is Tomorrow
· Peccatum· Pagan's Mind
· Dragonia· Crystal Fate
· Blood Thirsty Demons· Ignarus
· Casus Belli· Third Degree
· Vinterriket· Arthemis
· Dechrist· Cryogen
· Vile· Bronx Casket Company
· Detonation· From This Day
· Sodom· Craft
· Totalisti· Sepultura
· Southern Black Sand· Beyond Fear
· Thyrane· Vreid
· Athanator· 8th Sin
· Bludgeon· Hate Profile
· Michael Orlando· Azure
· Ynis Vitrin· Vicious Rumors
· Burialmound· Death Breath
· The Finals· Wastefall
· Isis· Mastodon
· Sathanas· Darkness Eternal
· Kotipelto· Twisted Into Form
· Melechesh· Stonegard
· Blood of the Black Owl· Satariel
· Passion· Pantera
· Divine Empire· Hacride
· Denial Fiend· Retrospective
· Wuthering Heights· Glorior Belli
· Fight· Depressed Mode
· Destynation· Mass Extinction
· Demonic Symphony· Jesus Martyr
· Witchfinder General· SOS
· Puscifer· Kreator
· Trinacria· Bullet For My Valentine
· Son of Eric· Papa Roach
· Something Beautiful· Caliban
· DC4