Ace Freley - KISS--Wants to hang with his "Old Grandad".
Alice Cooper--Wants a new set of golf clubs, some yellow pants and Tiger Woods' swing.
Andy Sneap - Sabbat--Wants Mutt Lange's production fee.
Andrew W.K.--Wants twelve more hit songs that sound alike.
Angus/Malcolm Young - AC\DC--Both want a growth spurt.
Anneke Van Giersbergen - The Gathering--Wants to be like Radiohead or whoever is critically popular right now.
Axl Rose - Guns n'Roses--Wants democracy in China and a couple dozen Krispy Kremes.
Bill Ward - Black Sabbath--Wants a new Miracle Ear so he can throw out his old school hearing aid.
Billy Milano - SOD--Wants a WWE Championship belt, but only the Heavyweight one.
Blackie Lawless - WASP--Wants a new saw blade for his crotch since his has been dull for awhile.
Brett Michaels - Poison--Needs a new headband size extra-wide.
Brian Johnson - AC\DC--Wants all the youngster to quit calling him Grimmley.
Bruce Dickinson - Maiden--Wants a new airplane with anti-crash landing gear.
C.C. DeVille - Poison--Wants a two year membership to Jenny Craig.
Carmen Appice - Ozzy--Wants them to play harder music at the retirement community.
Chris Cornell - Audioslave--Wants to hang out with models in Paris while complaining about U.S. foreighn policy.
Chris Holmes - WASP--Wants Blackie to pay him what he's due. Vodka will work.
Courtney Love - Hole--Wants to join her husband cause life sucks even if you're rich.
Dan Spitz - Anthrax--Wants to fix your watch, praise JEE-ZUS.
Dani Filth - Cradle of Filth--Wants you all to know his band isn't Black Metal.
Dave Draiman - Disturbed--Wants to remain in the hearts of metal fans even as his music gets increasingly weaker.
Dave Mustaine - Megadeth--Wants some non-addictive heroin.
Dave Navarro - wants Dennis Rodman to stop making booty calls to Carmen Electra.
David Coverdale - Whitesnake--Wants you to know his voice isn't shot like Robert Plant.
David Lee Roth - Van Halen--Just wants to win over the world with his big rock star smile.
Dee Snider - Twisted Sister--Wants Justice...family Justice.
Dimebag Darrell - Pantera--Wants a trashbag full of Indo.
Don Dokken - Dokken--Wants George Lynch to accidently break all his fingers.
Duff McKagan - GnR--Wants Scott Weiland to hurry up with rehab so they can move the fuck on.
Eddie Van Halen - Van Halen--Wants a cool talking throat box.
Eddie Vedder - Pearl Jam--Wants a day off from brooding.
Eric Adams - Manowar--Wants a new battle axe and a fresh loincloth
Fred Durst - Limp Bizkit--Wants a plexiglass sheild for his stage show and more clueless Playmates.
Geezer Butler - Black Sabbath--Wants a new belt to hold up his pants and Carmen Appice's room number.
Gene Simmons - KISS--Your wallet.
George Lynch - Dokken--Wants Don Dokken to lose his voice and the last few hairs on his head.
Glen Danzig - Danzig--Wants anything just so long as it's black.
Jack Osbourne--Wants Kelly to get the fuck out of his spotlight.
Jake E. Lee - Ozzy--Wants to be remembered as more than "that good guitarist between Randy Rhoads and Zakk Wylde".
James Hetfield - Metallica--Wants a five year pass to rehab so he can finish fingerpainting Mona Lisa.
Jani Lane - Warrant--Wants some cherry pie again, even if it's only a nibble.
Jason Newsted - Metallica--Wants 27 more bands to work with.
Jesse James Dupree - Jackyl--Wants a new chainsaw and a case of Beechnut.
Jimmy Page - Zeppelin--Wants a few cases of Ensure.
Joe Satriani--Wants to be on Rolling Stones' next "Top Guitarists Ever" list next year.
Joey DeMaio - Manowar--Wants a new battle sword and a fresh loincloth
John Paul Jones - Zeppelin--Wants to be included in a Zep reunion tour.
Jonathan Davis - Korn--Wants you to know that in the music industry an abused child can potentially grow up to get mental relief and pornstars.
Kelly Osbourne--Wants to finally grow out of her baby fat.
Kevin DuBrow - Quiet Riot--Wants a cool, new, realistic looking wig like Burt Reynolds.
Kid Rock--Wants some new wife beaters, Bob Segar's legacy and a cure for Hepatitis C.
Kip Winger - Winger--Wants Mike Judge's head for creating that dorky kid, Stuart, on Beavis and Butthead and a case of SmileBrite.
Kirk Hammett - Metallica--Wants a new pink feather boa and some Mabeline.
K.K. Downing/Glenn Tipton - Judas Priest--Want some Soap on a Rope for the new Priest Tour.
Lars Ulrich - Metallica--Wants everybody to just be quiet and listen to what he has to say.
Lemmy - Motorhead--Wants chicks to appreciate him for more than his moles.
Marilyn Manson--Wants some new controversy to keep the headlines rolling.
Mick Mars - Crue--Wants a copy of his favorite autobiographical movie, "The Mummy".
Nikki Sixx - Crue--Wants a stockingful of heroin from St. Nickmyarm.
Ozzy Osbourne--Wants what was left of his voice back and a new walker.
Peter Chris - KISS--Wants a new self-playing drum set.
Phil Anselmo - Pantera--Wants Dimebag and Co. to just get over it.
Rick Allen - Def Leppard--Wants the same thing as last year--a new arm.
Rikki Rockett - Poison--Wants the Drum Mafia to stop taking his best shit.
Ripper Owens - Judas Priest--Wants to be known as someone other than "the dude who filled in for that gay singer"
Rob Halford - Judas Priest--Wants success for his new reality show "Queer Eye for the Metal Guy".
Rob Zombie--Wants "House of 1000 Corpses II" to have a 50 million dollar opening weekend.
Robert Plant - Zeppelin--Wants to sell some Zep tunes for aging baby-boomers to Geritol.
Ronnie James Dio--Wants higher AARP benefits and for Vivian Campbell to shut the fuck up already, geez.
Sammy Hager - Van Halen--Wants another ride on the Van Halen gravy train.
Scott Ian - Anthrax--Wants some new neon colors to dye his goatee.
Scott Weiland - STP--Wants an end to his house arrest so he can get out and score.
Sebastian Bach - Skid Row--Wants attention and some Pert Plus with conditioner.
Serj Tankian - SOAD--Want to earn more American money while disparaging America.
Sharon Osbourne - Wants people to stop asking her if she slept with Jake E. Lee and Zakk Wylde also.
Slash - GnR--Wants Scott Weiland to dry the fuck out already so he can spend more time in the studio than in rehab.
Stephen Pearcy - Ratt--Just wants to get caught up on the rent.
Steven Tyler - Aerosmith--Wants Todd Rungrend to claim Liv back.
Sully - Godsmack--Wants you all to know his anger isn't a big put on, FUCKERS.
Ted Nugent--Wants a gun in every household and a cow in every fridge.
Timo Kotipelto - Stratovarius--Wants to see his old band succeed without him ...at selling zero copies of their next CD.
Tom Morello - RATM--Wants Bush to kiss his ass.
Tommy Lee - Crue--Wants invited to Hollywood parties so he can make out with some young sluts half his age.
Tony Iommi - Black Sabbath--Wants Dio or Tony Martin to return his calls.
Trent Reznor - NIN--Needs a few dozen new pairs of ladies stockings.
Vince Neil - Crue--Wants to avoid jail time.
Vivian Campbell - Def Leppard--Wants the money Dio owes him with interest.
Wes Borland - Limp Bizkit--Wants to powerbomb Fred Durst through a flaming, thumbtack-covered table.
Zack de la Rocha - RATM--Wants and needs a Happy Meal.
Zak Stevens - Savatage--Wants a new band.
Zakk Wylde - Black Label Society--Beer, pussy, beer and beer.