It probably went like this:

Industry Weasel: "So, who can we exploit now?"

Talent Scout: "Well, there's a metal band named Metallica that is selling a bunch of records and has a pretty strong following. They're on a big upswing in their carreer."

Industry Weasel: "Bring them in."

Metallica are brought in.

Industry Weasel: "Fellas, I've heard great things about you and I LOVE your music. I think it's time you guys reached the next level as performers and we want to help you guys get sales like you never dreamed of. All you need to do is add some elements to broaden your appeal to the more mainstream fans and tone done the anger a bit."

James: "But we like what we play and we don't want to be known as sell-outs. we 'do it 4 the kidz'."

Lars rambles for 10 minutes about shit nobody can understand.

Industry Weasel: "Who's more important, guys? Some 14-year old in Podunk, Alabama, who's pissed off cause he has too much acne and no pubes who is only going to grow out of your music when he finds girls or you and your own families? As good as your career is going, you can't be too irritated at the world anymore, can you?"

Jason: "I'm irritated."

James: "Quiet, monkey!"

Industry Weasel: "Try to think of it as you're growing as a band. Can you name one band that still sounds the same after 10 years."

James: "AC/DC"

Industry Weasel: "AC/DC is the exception that proves the rule. Can you name another?"

James: "Overkill"

Industry Weasel: "Yes, and look where they're at. They're not playing large arenas. You don't see: 'Overkill Live at Giant's Stadium!'. We can help hook you up for life, J.

All we need to do is streamline your sound a little, throw in some cliches and smooth out some of the rough edges. We have a guy named Bob Rock that can do it all. He'll have you singing in Golden Halls."

James: "Well, I have thought about singing a little."

Lars rambles more....only thing understood is "slower drumming and not a balding, little troll."

Kirk: "Can I just play 30 sec. worth of Hendrix and still make the same money?"

Industry Weasel: "Well, of course you can. You'll be in feather boas and mascara before you know it."

James: "I don't know, man. It just feels weird...integrity or something."

Industry Weasel: "What the hell is integrity, really? It's just a concept. Who lives on concepts? Remember the days when you all lived together and ate garbage?  You can't eat a concept, but you can starve in reality."

Industry Weasel (whispers to Lackey. Lackey brings in two tables--1 can of beer on one, fifty cans and on the other)

Industry Weasel: "Guys, let's represent the money you can earn with these beers here. This 1 can on this table is the money you'll make on your own over the next ten years. This table with fifty is what we can help get you."

All: "WE'RE IN!!!"


(Substitute Metallica for any other decent band that went bland once they hit it big.)