RANDOM THOUGHTS
---------------------
Fred Durst said about the new Limp Bisquick CD: "['Results May Vary'] is not an instant 'smash' record. It is an album that will take time to sink in. The words have a much deeper than they read on the first time or two."

If somebody brought that CD in my house, I'd 'instantly smash' it with a hammer. LB has become as irrelevant as a trash can outside a cheap Chinese restaurant and that statement is just spin control for sales that are a third of the prior one. Give it a week or so and he'll come out against file sharing even though he was for Napster a while back.

It should also be noted that Halle Berry is seperating from her husband of 3 years. Halle had recently finish a role in the new Limp Bizkit video. I can see Fred taking the credit for this one even though she said she has had marital problems for a while. He'll claim it the same way he claimed Eddie Van Halen tried out for LB.


COGNAC THE MAGNIFICENT
------------------------
For this section of The Necrofile we'd like to bring out the world famous, all-seeing oracle and former manicurist to Lita Ford, Cognac the Magnificent!!!

We will present him a set of envelopes each with a question inside. Using his extraordinary telepathic powers Cognac will then answer the question sealed inside the envelope.

SLIMBOYJR: Welcome once again, O Great Sage...

I hold in my hand these hermetically sealed envelopes. They've been kept in a Banana's and Cream jelly jar since midnight last night in Rob Halford's closet. No one knows the contents of these envelopes, but you, in your divine and borderline mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these questions having never seen them before.

Cognac : I must have absolute silence...

Cognac is then presented the first envelope.

ANSWER: Hell On Earth
QUESTION: (opening the envelope) How did Halle Berry feel after kissing Fred Durst for an hour?

Cognac: The next envelope, please.

ANSWER: The Mummy's finger
QUESTION: (opening the envelope) What fell to the ground when Ronnie Dio tried to catch a statue in his garden?

Cognac: The next envelope, please.

ANSWER: Head and Shoulders
QUESTION: (opening the envelope) What you might see if you open the trunk of a true Black Metalist's car?

Cognac: The next envelope, please. Hurry up, pig-dog!

ANSWER: The Blackest of the Black Tour
QUESTION: (opening the envelope) What a doctor calls an endoscopy of Danzig's bunghole.

Cognac: The next envelope, please.

ANSWER: Six Feet Under
QUESTION: (opening the envelope) Where some terminally ill would like to be?

Cognac: The next envelope, please.

ANSWER: In Flames
QUESTION: (opening the envelope) Who do you NOT want to see open for Great White?

Cognac: The next envelope, please.

ANSWER: The House of 1000 Corpses
QUESTION: (opening the envelope) What's left after a Great White concert.

SLIMBOYJR: ...oooooohhhhhh...

Cognac: Shut up! May your flying carpet unravel during a long distance flight over New Jersey.

ANSWER: Steroids
QUESTION: (opening the envelope) What do you get if you sit on a stereo playing
Manowar.

Cognac: The next envelope, please.

ANSWER: Kill Bill
QUESTION: (opening the envelope) What everyone says when Bill forgets the concert tickets.

Cognac: The next envelope, please.

ANSWER: Gene Simmons and Sharon Osbourne
QUESTION: (opening the envelope) Who is Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinking Rich?

Cognac: The next envelope, please.

ANSWER: Do-not-call list
QUESTION: (opening the envelope) Where did Britney Spears put Fred Durst's name?

Cognac: The next envelope, please.

ANSWER: Dance of Death
QUESTION: (opening the envelope) What Phil Anselmo does during a weekend drug
binge.

Cognac: The next envelope, please.

ANSWER: Decomposing
QUESTION: (opening the envelope) What is Kurt Cobain doing at this moment?

SLIMBOYJR: Thank you, O wise one for stopping by. Could we have one more?

Cognac: Thank you and may the fleas of a thousand camels infest you armpits.

Answer: Anthrax
Question: (opening envelope) OH MY GOD I WAS RIGHT!!!!! EVERYONE, CLEAR OUT OF HERE AND HOLD YOUR BREATH!!!!!