The Necrofile - Issue 32
by Rod Throwen

Rod T. here. Apparently the folks at Maximum Metal brass feel that my antics, ramblings, and general overall misbehavior is reflecting a poor image upon the site and those readers that actually spend their lunch break huddled over my Necrofile issues. Nailer, EC, 1Evil1, I honestly feel that I am the Howard Stern of this site and I do have a loyal following of readers and obsessed (and rather over-weight) fans that care about me and the words that come off of my little digits upon this screen. So I ask you, my loyal, plump, fan base, to respond with words of encouragement or praise to keep me on screen for a few weeks longer. In the meantime, I am crankin' out another heapin' helpin' of love juice and metal goo for all to see no matter how degrading, offensive, or taxing this may be on the white collar metal junkies. This issue is rather short due to time restraints, but I shall return bigger and badder than ever!

From the mouth of the immortal Dee Snider I shout out:

I AM: I'M ME
WHO ARE YOU TO LOOK DOWN
AT WHAT I BELIEVE?
I'M ON TO YOUR THINKING
AND HOW YOU DECEIVE
WELL, YOU CAN'T ABUSE ME
I WON'T STAND NO MORE
YES, I KNOW THE REASONS
YES, I KNOW THE SCORE

I AM, AND I'LL BE
I WILL, YOU'LL SEE
I AM, AND I'LL BE
I AM: I'M ME

-----------------------------

I can't believe that Black Label Society have another friggin' album coming out in a matter of months. Is this physically possible? Why in the Hell do they feel the need to put out a new album every 96 days? This is like Motorhead and KISS jockying for the role of most market saturation. Zakk Wylde has the distinction of being a drunk, but my God the man stays sober long enough to release DVDs and CDs out the yang! I can't wait for the action figure to hit the streets soon. Just wait until he hits his 15 year long Farewell Tour....and then the two farewell tours after that! I would rather lick that sticky yellow spot off the back of a urinal than to listen to this guy's voice.

Quick, why don't blind people sky dive?
--Because the dog doesn't like it.

Anyone catch the "new breed" of ECW last Tuesday night? The WWE launched their newest brand extension with the debut of "ECW", an hour long weekly wrestling program that is apparently about mainstream rejection and wrestling rebellion. After sitting in stunned silence for a full sixty minutes I turned off my television and thanked God above that I was given a choice on whether to watch or not. This had to be the worst hour of wrestling programming I've seen since the days of "WCW Thunder". Remember those weeks when you had the Ice Train doing battle with the evil Kevin Sullivan....in the main event!?! WOW! This time around we got to see the title holder, RVD, booed by thousands....and thousands.....of WWE fans simply because they came to watch Smackdown. Along with that bright moment of sports entertainment we also witnessed an ECW alumni and former world champion in Justin Credible jobbed out to a WWE farm product in Kurt Angle. We were also treated to a fine wrestling product in The Zombie, a Terry Gordy look-a-like that has the gimmick of being brain dead and completely absent of any mental or emotional thought patterns. The Zombie was the creation of one Vince McMahon, how appropriate. The main event saw a battle royal where the winner gets to face a Raw superstar in John Cena, who at the moment doesn't even own a title belt. Interesting. The winner.....Sabu courtesy of a chair shot to the shoulders of.....well..it's the BIG SHOW....the big bad show tonight! Whooo! Captivating in all it's glory and nostalgia. Old ECW this is not....this is a new breed UNLEASHED! From now on....Tuesday's at 10 will be Rod T. enjoying The Learning Channel presents C-Section: The New Art Of Baby Delivery. Now that is entertainment!

Quick, what do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
--Quattro Sinko.

Props and compliments go out to the makers of "Metal: A Headbanger's Journey". This new 2 DVD set explores the love of heavy metal music and just what the addiction and magical drawing power there is to this music. Among the material is interviews with the likes of Dio, Dee Snider, Rob Zombie, Slipknot, Mayhem, Tony Iomni, Bruce Dickinson, and a few others. The narrator travels to England, Norway, the Sunset Strip, and Wacken in a quest to determine why metal music is so stereotyped and so confusing to the average music listener. Very moving film and mandatory for metal fans!

Quick, what do you call cheese that isn't your cheese?
--Nacho cheese.

I continue to get emails and snail mail from my faithful readers each and every day. However, I am still alarmed and slightly disturbed that a majority of the pictures show obese and rather large readers. Why does Rod T. attract the chubby lovies? I have no clue, but I am flattered. In a way to repay the kindness heaped upon me daily, I decided to give back to my readers with a helpful link. I have discovered a WONDERFUL online site that caters to the plumpers. It is called Supersize World and is located at www.supersizeworld.com. Their motto is "Life Support For The Larger Life Style". Fitting. They carry things like seat-belt extenders, larger toilet seats, high capacity weight scales, and all sorts of reaching tools. I think all of my plump readers will find plenty to like over at Supersize World. Think of it as a way of me giving back to you.

A couple of questions floating in from the mailbag this week:

First up, have you heard from anyone regarding the recent Where Are You column on former Accept vocalist David Reece?

YES, in fact we have. A reader emailed EC the other day and mentioned that David Reece is actually out of the music business and is raising horses in Montana. Seriously. We at Maximum Metal wish him the best of luck in his future endeavors!

Secondly, we have been getting a lot of emails from metal fans who choose to download their music. They are asking why some of the albums they have been downloading have constant beeps in the songs spaced out every 45-50 seconds. Also, they say that often enough they are getting downloads of albums that show 99 tracks. The reason this is happening is because you, my loyal metal follower, are downloading "promo" copies of metal releases. The metal labels have started doing their promos with each song actually consisting of 12-15 individual tracks. There is no pause between the tracks so if you listen all the way through it won't seem like the song is cutting on and off. However, there is normally 99 tracks total for the CD, which is an attempt for people like you to stop burning and downloading CDs for you and your friends. Smart. Also the beeping you are hearing is another effort to stop burning and downloading. The real version of the album won't have the beeping. The best way to avoid this is to order your CDs online from a metal specialty store or go to your local retailer and cough up $15 bucks.

That is all for now! I highly encourage everyone to check out the band EC is ranting and raving about....Motorjesus!! Also, the new Communic album is absolutely amazing!

Peace out and don't do anything I would do!