Roll them bones sucka! It is Rod T, Rod T, in the house, stylin' and profilin' like the...WHOOOOO.....Nature Boy! NATCHA BOY! I'm back and better than ever, I'm a LOVE MACHINE baby and I f$#& like a BEAST!

Okay kids, the tree is back in it's suit in the attic, the lights are smashed and cracked in the garage, and by GOD, Valentine's Day is now upon us. You know, all we really have in life are a bunch of damn holidays. That's right, DAMN holidays. You knock a turkey feast out of the way with the smelly Aunt Gertrude, listen to Uncle Milton's farts on Christmas Eve, puke your guts out while Dick Clark is hap-hap-happy, and then BAAMM, hearts and butterfly kisses as Valentine's Day rolls in like a stinkin' garbage truck on it's last stop. I have no problem with sweet love, give me all of the free love, sexcapades, basket swing from the ceiling, hooks in you and me, but this V-Day shit has got to go. The biggest excitement for me were the GI Joe and Transformer valentines in grade school....or was it middle school? I was a late bloomer. Anyhoo, show me the Love Dove....and I'll crack it full of buckshot. 12 gauge forever baby! I'm down on love but still have the FIRE down below! Get your ass over here Juliya!

Speaking of hotties, the folks over at Armageddon Music have cranked out the sweets with new band Forever Slave. The group have released their debut called "Alice's Inferno". The lead singer is Lady Angellyca, and folks...this is a LADY. In the words of the famous Conway Twitty....."I'd Love To Lay You Down". Go to www.foreverslave.com and check this sweet T&A out. Beyond just her gorgeous THANG, she has a really great singing voice. Fans of Lacuna Coil, Theater Of Tragedy, and all of those Gothic romance sing-a-longs should find the band enjoyable. However, the really great site for the lovely Lady Angellyca is www.ladyangellyca.com. It turns out this hottie is a Gothic model. Good God almighty! Check out the pics. She is a delicious devil. Hey witchy, witchy woman....you can fly high on my stick.

Atlanta's 2006 ProgPower USA bill has been released. Yeah, I know...if you don't grab a ticket in the first 45 seconds, well you are up the creek with only one oar. HOWEVER this go around, I think the gig stinks. Yeah, I said it. Fire me! Fire me baby! This year's event sucks...sucks...sucks. The headliners are Nevermore and Evergrey!?! Nevermore has played every venue, bar, strip joint, and bowling alley in America. WHO needs to pay big money to see them headline? Hell, they played at my brother's barbecue last year at the Baptist Children's Home, and we had them bring their own buns. What is wrong with this picture? Evergrey has done it all in the US as well, hitting all of the big venues with the last Iced Earth tour. But remember...this time Evergrey is adding a 5,434 piece orchestra, the Cathedral National Choir, and the Bluegrass Brothers from "upon that there mountain". If that doesn't get you fired up, they are bringing out Freak Kitchen to play and a Blind Guardian cover band (true metal fans should get the joke).

Former Hate Eternal drummer Tim "The Missile" Yeung won the "Fastest Feet" award at this year's NAMM festival. Obviously the panel of judges never saw me running for the john after a Richie Freeze gut grenade dog and a bowl of Texas Tavern beans.

For the strangest venue booking of all time...I present to you the Annihilation Fest, which indeed did happen on January 27th, 2006. Bands like As Blood Runs Black, Denounce His Name, and The Nauseating Stab played the hyped fest at....of all places....the Paramount Methodist Church in Paramount, CA.

Have you ever wondered how a band winds up playing in some of these off-the-wall countries? We recently saw that Exodus is playing Bang Cock, Thailand on March 4, 2006. But I mean in all reality, I can only imagine how a promoter and a venue owner work these things out. Let's see if we can do a little stage routine here.....

Promoter - (phone rings) Biff's Auto Sales and Exodus Management, what can I do you for?

Mr. Slant Eyes - Yis, me trying to book US singer for my hoochie hut...uh...the girlies like de boogie bands...you have singer like this?

Promoter - We have exactly what you need! We are going to send over the mighty EXODUS! Girls love'em, they have a boogie-woogie style, and they have sold millions and millions of records here in the US. MTV, Nickelodeon, Superbowl Half-Time Show, opening for Ja-Rule, you name it, they do it! What date do you need them?

Mr. Slant Eyes - De girlies like them?

Promoter - You betcha partner!

Mr. Slant Eyes - We see dem on 2006, fourth of Maarsh. Blue Eyes Hoochie Hut, book dem! Me pay much yen and give plenty of girlie-girlie times for the singer.

Promoter - We will see you there!

I assume that is how these board room meetings go, organizing big tour packages and packing the venues worldwide. I guess in support of "Shovel Headed Kill Machine" they will don this tour "Shoveling The Rice Fields".

And my last spill...a free CD to the person who can give me, word for word, the father to son ramblings at the beginning of the "We're Not Gonna Take It" video from Twisted Sister!!

Check out Maximum Metal's all horror site at www.maximumhorrors.com. Remember, anti-Valentines Day, but don't turn off the kinky stuff! Use your LOVE GUN while you still have bullets and a working firing pin. Love ya baby!

Peace, Cheers, and Screaming In The Night!

RT
A Headhunter For Life!