Okay...this is how I roll! We have had tons and tons of mail of late, some of which I can't even discuss here on this public forum (wink wink nod nod to Kitty69....love the catsuit but bend your knees more). With that being said, I'm going to just simply ignore your requests for the whereabouts of "that guitarist who played in that band one time at that place". I've had enough of those questions, so I'm ditching the mail for this issue, in it's place will be a humor issue, a fitting little laugh riot that will surely bring out the upside down frowns from our most sinister metal fanatics, those corpse painted butt pokers who just simply refuse to be jolly and wholesome!

With this short little issue I plan on bringing you some lovely pictures, some lovely imagary that begs for witty dialogue and commentary. In the vein of Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update", I bring you the "Not So Nightly Necro News". Roll footage......

Samuel Alito, President Bush's latest nominee to the Supreme Court, has what many conservatives say is the perfect legal background to become a leader on the Supreme Court bench: He has been a judge, a U.S attorney, an honorable American, and a winner of the government's annual "Dress Up Like Dee Day".

Click here for pic...

Finland's Nightwish have parted ways with the band's vocalist Tarja Turunen. In regards to who the band may pick for her replacement, Nightwish mainman Tuomas Holopainen explains, "We will not necessarily pick a Tarja clone," Holopainen continued. "We will be open to a slightly new sound, especially when it comes to the vocalist. We have chosen someone similar to Tarja, with good looks and a great sound that is a mix of many different musical elements". As of October 31 Holopainen had not publicly released any other information regarding Tarja's replacement, however Maximum Metal talked to a close representative of the band and we were issued this exclusive promo photo of the new singer:

Click here for pic...

Recently our Maximum Metal staff has been busy on the whereabouts of Sinergy singer Kimberly Goss. After the band's 2001 release, "Suicide By My Side", the vocalist simply disappeared from the music scene. After many hours searching websites and newsgroups we found the whereabouts of this talented, and critically acclaimed metal vocalist. Denise from Austin has sent us a recent picture. Sometimes metal celebrities really do need to retire and find that nice, quiet place:

Click here for pic...

For those of us wondering what Blackie Lawless looks like off of the stage:

Click here for pic...

A gunman killed four people at a rural church in a small north Texas town, then held off police in an nine-hour standoff before apparently killing himself, officials said Monday. Police has issued a photo of the gunman:

Click here for pic...

Senator majority leader Bill Frist explains to the press, "The last Judas Preist record was VERY disappointing to me, as a fan".

Click here for pic...

Heehee, he made a funny!

Click here for pic...

"Golly George, just look at them up there. Manowar in loin cloth just kicking out the jams. Thanks for bringing me here! I feel really good right now"

Click here for pic...

When did Nugent start playing the sax?

Click here for pic...

"And I'll tell you folks, when Gene pulled that thing out of his pants it had to be this big around!"

Click here for pic...

Okay peeps, that is all I got this go around. Remember, Walmart is evil and corrupt! Don't shop there unless you have to. Check out the new book from Simon Clark called "The Tower". Great haunted house horror! EC turned me on to that author and he is writing some great stuff!  Simon Clark, not EC that is.

Lata fools!

RT