Heavy metal headbangers, it's me...it's me...it's Rod T. Okay fools, this is how I roll! This ain't no candyland shoots and ladders, it's ME, your heavy metal addiction, your heavy metal fuel, your reason to live in this pop flavored culture we call Planet E. This time I'm gonna flow through the metal headlines, giving you my take on what is going on in this metal asylum.

And speaking of Metal Asylum, let me speak a minute or two on that subject. Recently my cable provider gave me access to Fuse TV, which plays home to three metal shows, "Uranium", "Slave To The Metal", and "Metal Asylum". They have this little Russian chick on there named Juliya Chernetsky, who happens to host all three programs. The chick knows her metal, and really offers up three different roles. The first is a roadie of sorts on the show "Uranium". She takes her camera between the lines and visits festivals and bands all over North America, offering up her own commentary along the way. On "Slave To The Metal", Juliya plays metal mode Dr. Ruth, answering fan calls and email about a variety of subjects; sex, metal, shopping, health, etc. Pretty crazy combination, metal and anything else. Then comes the real video show, "Metal Asylum". Her cute little ass plays the role of your standard VJ, introducing the videos and offering up a few news bites. NOW, what I really want to see is a soft-core porn show starring Juliya. Yeah, maybe have Juliya play the role of metal groupie, dropping panties and pants in support of all that is metal. Only then will she be my personal Metal Bitch. But in all reality it is good to see an alternate program to MTV2's mallcore show "Headbangers Ball", otherwise known as "Jasta Ain't Rikki: The Unfortunate Sequel".

Okay, July 26th marked the release date for the new Arch Enemy record "Doomsday Machine". I have had the pleasure of hearing this "much anticipated release" and let me say this. Poo-Poo! Yeah, you heard me jerkos! POO-POO!! Big 'ole POO-POO! This band was absolutely killer in their younger years, releasing F'n Fantastic records like "Burning Bridges" and "Black Earth". Now they have this Swedish slut singing for them and it's all ruined. It is just like a woman to ruin everything a man loves! So this chick ruins albums like "Wages Of Sin" and "Anthems Of Rebellion" with quite possibly some of the worst vocal recording ever presented on record. What does she do to remedy the problem!?! She makes it worse! "Doomsday Machine" sounds like an old woman emptying her bowels into a bed pan. It is some of the worst "extreme" vocals I've heard since Mr. Filth decided to leave his boyband and pick up a metal mic. Amott, kick her out of bed and get a real singer!

Hypocrisy drummer Reidar Horghagen, known the world over as simply HORGH, fell ill from too much late night partying at the Earthshaker Festival in Germany. The official word is that HORGH (let me say that again....HORGHHHH!) passed out after partying with Finntroll in the early morning hours. He was rushed to the hospital and later made it back in time to perform with his band. Now let me say this, when you think of partying and passing out with rock stars you think of Motley Crue or KISS. Maybe even Iron Maiden or Godsmack. Hell, possibly even W.A.S.P. Never, EVER, do you think of partying with Finntroll and passing out. Do you hear me? Just listen to this statement....."I was tearing it up, screwing women, drinking, snorting coke, and listening to the jams with Finntroll". FINNTROLL! How in the Hell does this happen? When I think of Finntroll (what is a Finntroll?) I think of corpse painted weirdos deep in the woods poking each other with sharp spears. Maybe HORGHHHH likes his parties a little more primitive...

Hard rock legends Black N Blue have once again postponed their "Hell Yeah" release, this time pushing it into 2006. This record was originally slated to come out in 2003 and received delay after delay through the course of that year. THEN, it was scheduled for early 2004, then Summer of 2004, then Fall of 2004, THEN it was stated that "Hell Yeah" would be released in early 2005. NOW! NOW! the band states that they are 60% through with the recording and that the record will come out sometime in 2006. Since this record was "finished and ready for release" we have had the bombing of London, the capture of Saddam Hussein, the murder of Dimebag, a Presidential election, the "birth" of Darth Vader, the retirement of five Nascar drivers, the break-up of Brad and Jennifer, and most importantly the Michael Jackson child molestation fiasco. Not to mention that Rob Halford and P-P-P-Priest unleashed the biggest stinking turd of their careers during this time. Hell, Iron Maiden has managed to release thirteen greatest hits packages, five DVDs, a studio album, six live records, Bruce's solo record, ten books, 357 Eddie bobblehead versions, twelve "The Trooper" singles, and an official guide to assembling a street rod. Jamie St. James and company can eat my shorts. I had my $14 stashed aside in 2003. Since then it's been spent on a late night rendevous with Nailer's mom. Now that is "Hell Yeah" money well spent.

Dave Mustaine said an ad in this month's issue of Bass Player features ex-bassist Dave Ellefson holding a pedal tuner for bass guitars and includes the names of several bands he is involved with — including Megadeth. The lead singer of Megadeth has sued the band's former bass player for allegedly using the name of the group without permission. I can understand if Ellefson signed something stating that he will not use the name Megadeth, but for the love of all things mighty, can't the man at least acknowledge that he was in Megadeth for almost twenty f'n years!! My God, Dave has been talking about Metallica in every single press junket and interview he has had in the last twenty years. He was in that band for a couple of minutes! Ellefson grew up in Megadeth, cut his teeth with Megadeth, and by all rights and standards should be able to talk about Megadeth, print resumes with the name Megadeth, and use Megadeth as a stepping stone into his future endeavors. If Dave can talk about Metallica until he is blue in the face, then Ellefson should be able to discuss his affairs in Megadeth. And that is all I have to say about that!

Necrofile Question for this issue! Listen up Rob T fans....I buy a lot of Jap pressing of discs. Why? Because they sound damn fine brother! Damn fine! The Japs (I can call them that) just make excellent sounding discs. I have the American version of Anthrax's "We've Come For You All" and it sounds decent. The Jap version sounds unbelievable, much more bass, clearer sound, and really just sounds like a remastered version of the American version. Obviously Japs are pricey, with many of their offerings ranging between the $25-$40 mark, but the money is well worth it. So my question to you Necros is this....why do Jap discs sound so much better than everything else? Do they remaster these things, do they use more expensive media to record on, what is up with the Japs!?!

I'm outta here! Rock'em if ya got'em!

I want you Juliya!

Metal!