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Thanks for stopping by the latest issue of The Necrofile. My name is Johnny Pardon and
I'm your host for this week's swamp-swim through metalhead muckity-muck.
Contents
=========
--Rob Halford Speaks
--Chinese Democracy
--Twisted Sister
--Motley Problems
--Kiss or SpongeBob
--Bell Curve of Blandness
--Random Thoughts
--Column Question
ROB HALFORD SPEAKS
-------------------
Well, apparently Rod Smallwood and his firm Sanctuary Music Management have been the ones
spreading all the horseshit rumors about Rob Halford joining back with Judas Priest. Rob
said that: "The visible intent in creating the multiple rumors; clearly is meant to
disturb and confuse my audience, the North American concert promoters, and others".
Now, do you believe that Rob is truly irritated or is this another tricky way to get
everyone's name in the papers? Given that Rob had the balls to go on Mtv and proclaim his
gayness and say that he thought Howie Long was hot, I'd say he has no reason to play games
with the public or the press. A couple of the Maximum Metal crew are heading off to The
Metal Gods tour. Hopefully, they'll get an exclusive or two from some of the bands.
CHINESE DEMOCRACY
------------------
Offspring announced the title of their forthcoming album and it will be called
"Chinese Democracy" just like Axl has been calling his work in progress for the
last decade. Then they said they don't really have a working title, so Axl must have
sicced his lawyers on them bigtime. Why would Offspring even bother doing such a blatant
thing? Frontman Dexter Holland said on the band's website that Axl ripped him off on the
dreadlock look so he ripped off his name. As Maximum Metal staffer, Alcollholica wrote:
"Like Dexter fucking Holland was the first guy ever to wear dreadlocks. This man
needs a swift kick in the testicles, pronto."
It could be that Dexter was just being flippant towards Axl's latest look and the metal
press turned it into something big. Then again, it isn't the first time the band has
ripped something off. Remember how close in sound their "Self Esteem" was to
Nirvana's "Smell Like Teen Spirit"? Don't even tell me how it was a
"goofy-tribute/parody" or any of that shit. Well, since Axl's cd will probably
be released when a real Chinese Democracy occurs, Offspring might as well use it.
TWISTED SISTER
---------------
It's surprising how relationships that have been nurtured for years can flare and burn
away quicker than magicians' flash paper. The guys in Twisted Sister spent many, many
years married into each others lives playing clubs and honing their act before they got
widespread media attention with songs and videos like "We're Not Gonna Take It"
and "I Wanna Rock". On one of its episodes, VH1's "Behind the Music"
detailed the TS rise, fall and breakup with all their bad career choices (Leader of the
Pack!), band squables and the money debacles that broke the band apart within a short
amount of time.
The love the guys had for the band imploded and turned their careers into a big pile of
makeup and ash. You can hear a real drive and passion on many of The early TS songs, and
it's somewhat tragic that it happened to guys that put such sweat in their live shows and
hung around the local scene doing what they liked to do for so long. The band is together
and touring around in spots, so apparently they've put their differences aside and
rediscovered what kept them together through the lean times. Hopefully, the flames that
burned them out were a cleansing fire that reignited their hunger.
************************
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************************
Bell Curve of Blandness
------------------------
"The problem for comics now is that we're trapped.
The American comics business has no real interest in changing... I think there are a lot of little
publishers trying to put out fresh material. But they don't have distribution or
attention. And there are big publishers who continue to put out the Same Old Stuff, but
tart it up as fresh by co-opting superficial aspects of other material...But, underneath,
it's still SOS.
The problem is that we're so unconsciously accepting of the frankly
artificial structures we impose on the content - mainly because historically those
structures have been imposed...It's not a question of whether the material is good or bad,
it's a question of whether it connects to an audience willing to pay for it."
--Seven Grant
http://www.comicbookresources.com/columns/index.cgi?column=pd&article=1616 |
Now, take the above quote and use the term "music" instead of
"comics". Same griping that many music fans have about the schlock released
yearly by the industry oligarcy.
As far as the music business goes, you always have a large segment of the population that
will respond to marketing hype and buy five million copies of the latest Britney Spears or
Creed cd no matter how artificial and contrived the music is. Really, I think that's all
they can handle and those people are all the industry needs to keep afloat. 10 years ago
some of the same people had Garth Brooks bandanas hanging from their rearview mirrors and
they think Sandra Bullock films are great comedy. They buy Wonder bread instead of the
rich, honey-wheat bread with the butter-glazed top. Don't bother putting a copy of a
Shakespeare play in their hands because the only response you'll get is that they
"don't understand a word of that shit" and they'll never try to.
We all want to share the things we like with others, but maybe it's best to keep the
genres we love underground where they can prosper in their own light and remain free of
the constraints imposed by the requirements of selling millions. There's a Bell Curve of
Blandness that exists within any Pop culture medium. They don't want innovation, really,
so why knock yourself out trying to let them know about it.
A related question I have is: If the industry were to put a large financial backing behind
a band who has critical acclaim and loyal followers say, Nevermore, would they sell
millions of records to the general public? Would the buyers then remain as faithful fans
or let the cds they bought sit on the shelf never to be played again?
Motley Problems
----------------
I'd think twice about hanging around with Motley Crue members. Bad news seems to cloud
around them like the dust around Pig Pen from "Peanuts". Tommy Lee is facing a
lawsuit for the drowning of the young boy at his house during a birthday party. Vince Neil
entered a no contest plea to misdemeanor battery in an assault involving a record producer
outside a Sunset Strip nightclub last year, according to the Associated Press. Nikki and
Vince apparently had some marriage problems.
Really, though, who doesn't get in trouble every now and them from hanging out in strip
clubs and throwing a fist or two? At least most of the original guys have been able to use
their cult of celebrity and venture out into other media avenues like acting, books, film
and clothing to make some bucks here and there.
Speaking of film, some reports are that Johnny Knoxville may play Nikki Sixx in a movie
based of the Crue book "Dirt" which I've read. He seems like a decent enough
choice as both have a fuck-it attitude and wreck havoc on their bodies. I'm sure Johnny
wouldn't have any trouble lighting his legs on fire like Nikki used to do at shows. Who
could play the other guys though?
KISS OR SPONGEBOB
------------------
I'm trying to figure out who has more merchandise--KISS or SpongeBob Squarepants. I'm
afraid that Gene Simmons will come back from the dead looking like a face-painted, George
Washington-wig-wearing, Jewish death-demon hellbent on scaring me out of my sensibilities
and my wallet. What could I use to fend of such a creature of the night? Maybe I could
surround my house with pigs to squeal the warning of his approach and wear a bacon
necklace for protection?
RANDOM THOUGHTS
----------------
--They use hypno-fonts at Maximum Metal to keep you reading...It's true....it's
true...it's true...
--Amanda Peet is the poor man's Julia Roberts. Rent one of her movies if you're having
trouble sleeping. Nice tits, though.
--Don't trust gas pump dials. They lie.
--Boy, the Iraqis got the Ewok Celebration goin on last week didn't they!
COLUMN QUESTION
----------------
Does anybody know who the richest man in metal is? Ozzy? Gene Simmons? Robert Plant? Could
somebody look it up at Forbes, please.
Send your suggestions to me here at Maximum Metal or open up some discussion about my
question or anything else in the Rawface forum.
Support your Indy Metal!!!
"Looking Minnesota and feeling Minnesota"
John Pardon
04.17.2003
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