Thanks for stopping by the latest issue of The Necrofile. My name is Johnny Pardon and I ain't censored by the FCC...heh.

Contents
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--OzzFest Lineup
--Motley Crue Dolls
--Superjoint Ritual
--Stratovarius Mark II
--Anthrax Gets Know Love?
--Iced Earth IS Jon
--Random Thoughts
--Column Question

Ozzfest
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Headlining the 2004 Ozzfest lineup is JUDAS PRIEST and SLAYER. Between those bands, they have about 50 years worth of metal history. The Ozzfest audience is surely going to see a different looking crowd this time around. Somebody count up the average number of Camaros, mullets and crop shirts in the parking lot. I don't know about the second stage though--GOD FORBID, BLEEDING THROUGH, ATREYU, EVERY TIME I DIE and UNEARTH. Would've been nice to see some Fireball Ministry in there.

When asked about the absence of more melodic, alternative rock acts, Sharon Osbourne said, "We're not gay!". As the laughter died down, Rob Halford, the openly homosexual frontman for Ozzfest 2004 co-headliners JUDAS PRIEST piped up behind her, "I am." Talk about puting your foot in your mouth, Sharon! Rob took the flippant remark for what it was with the grace of a Metal God.

No truth to the rumor that "soap-on-a-rope" will be supplied in the shower rooms.


MÖTLEY CRÜE
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McFarlane Toys has announced plans to release a MÖTLEY CRÜE "Deluxe Boxed Set" of action figures in October 2004. No truth to the rumor that Nikki's will come with heroin needles, Mick's will be extra brittle, Vince's will have a superpunch and alcohol-smelling breath and Tommy's will come with free Hollywood Bimbo Barbie.


SUPERJOINT RITUAL
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SR guitarist Jimmy Bower recently was quoted as saying "Fuck Dimebag Darrell and Vinnie Paul, fuck them!" Jimmy said. "...they put out this record ('New Found Power'), which I think is a piece of shit."

Whao, man, slow down Turbo. I thought Phil was the mouthpiece of the band. Congrats to Dimebag for making the cover of Guitar World and being named one of the best metal guitarsts ever.


STRATOVARIUS Mark II
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After signing a big, fat contract of appearently 3.5 million, STRATOVARIUS guitarist/leader, Timo Tolki, announced the new lead vocalist was a female, Miss K, and the shitstorm erupted. Century Media, of course, is highly pissed and wants a million advance back because they wanted the same band who has already had success. Timo say they ain't getting shit back because they signed Strat. with any line up.

I don't know what Cent Media's plans were, but it may not be so bad that she was hired. At least in Europe, there are a lot of successful bands with female leads--Nightwish, The Gathering, Lacuna Coil, Synergy and Within Temptation to name some. In America, Eveanescence sold a TON of CDs.

IMO, Strats last releases were emotionless and forgettable junk that pretty much sucked balls. The working title for the new one, "Popkiller", really doesn't cut any ice with me, but she supposedly has a three-octive range and judging by the photos of her flipping the bird to everybody on the Strat site, she may be the kick-in-the-ass that band needs. Kick out the jams, Miss K!

Timo though has seemed to have gone psycho from his website postings. From people following him to alcohol consuption he's written some nutty stuff coming across as "a few funks short of funkadelic". His last one discussed a conversion to Judaism complete with a bloody headshot of himself. Even his webmaster said: "I am very worried about him, he sounded like completely crazy. From this day onwards I will not take the responsibility of whatever is being released on this Website.

Why would the webmaster even need to post that? Wouldn't he be concerned about Timo seeing it and giving him the ax? Smells kind of fishy there, me thinks.

Timo also wrote: "ADOLF HITLER IS ALIVE AND WELL IN THE WORLD. I FUCKED HIM LAST NIGHT. WE ARE ALL HITLER AND WE ARE ALL CHRIST. AND HITLER IS WINNING!!"

Now some people are thinking he meant it literally, but I'd say he's refering to ultimate GOOD AND EVIL in a metaphoric sense. Still, very odd.


ANThRAX
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ANTHRAX drummer Charlie Benante has posted the following message on the band's official web site:

"ANTHRAX has always been a band that gave other bands — old and new — a chance to go on tour and expose them to our audience. We've done this since the early days because we felt that this was important to music. We wanted these bands that we were into, to be appreciated by others. Let's make tonight's show a great SHOW, something special. That's the way we would think. I do not see this kinda thing anymore. Not one band will take ANTHRAX out with them. I don't understand it. The last band that showed any love was PANTERA and I love them all for it. What happened??

"Tito...get me some tissue". Sorry about that Charlie; just a little poison in jest. I'm not trying to dog the guys in Anthrax cause I've got most of their CDs and I like both singers, Joey and John. If everybody keeps shutting the doors in your face then maybe it's like the person who gets into relationships that always end up going down in flames and then they complain that everyone they meet has too many problems. The problem could be in the mirror. I don't know Anthrax's inner workings or what they expect money wise. I'm just suggesting it.


ICED EARTH
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Iced Earth mainman Jon Schaffer recently spoke to Guitar World magazine about the departure of guitarist Larry Tarnowski prior to the recording of the group's latest CD, "The Glorious Burden".

According to Schaffer, Tarnowski, an Iced Earth member for five years, left before the recording sessions after expressing frustration over his limited role. "He may have played two minutes on Iced Earth records, so I understood," Schaffer said. "I told him he should probably concentrate on school and getting a career."

"He may have played two minutes on IE records". Whew...boy, those statements sure rubbed some people the wrong way. No big deal, I'd say. Metallica has been doing it for quite a while with Hetfield laying the groundwork and Kirk playing the solos. Forgetting St. Anger, it isn't a lot of studio time there for old Kirk, but I haven't read about him complaining anywhere. It works for some bands to have a visionary leader who guides the band with his creativity. Tarnowski was frustrated with the arrangement and split. There's no reason that two musicians couldn't speak amicably about it and decide on other paths.


RANDOM THOUGHTS
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Do you think the boyz from Stryper went to the midnight showing of "the Passion"?

Believe it or not, I was trolling, ummm...strolling around Victoria's Secret and had a “wardrobe malfunction” when my fly came undone near the chick that was promoting some new panties. I had on my silver-sun cock ring on though.

John Lydon broke one of the last taboos of television by using the "c"-word live on air during I'm A Celebrity .. Get Me Out Here. Jeez, what's so wrong with saying "catfish"? fuc...friggin Bottles and Stoppers.