The Necrofile – issue 10

The views and opinions expressed herein are those solely of the author and may not necessarily reflect those of the rest of the human race.

Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends. Yes, this is YOUR holiday edition of The Necrofile! I know, I know – so soon? Yeah well, I’m trying to maintain a weekly schedule here. I don’t know how able I’ll be to do that with a schedule from hell, but I’m bound to give it my best shot. At the latest, this thing will probably be bi-weekly. But, to give you an idea of what I’m up against, let’s run down the Itinerary From Hell:

--Hotel front desk clerk, full time
--Writer, BackStage Pass Magazine (a regional entertainment/news magazine based right here in Daytona Beach, FL)
--Writer, 411Mania.com (SmackDown Recap for 411Wrestling, miscellaneous articles on 411Music and 411Movies AND a bi-weekly column on 411Black)
--Writer for this very site, doing the Necrofile and various other projects as our benevolent master, Nailer, decrees.
--In hot pursuit of another writing gig, this one for the local newspaper, The Daytona Beach News Journal
--Managing duties and affairs for Severed Existence, a rather excellent band (if I do say so myself), also based here in Daytona.

So as you can see, I’ve got so much on my plate that I’m going to need sideboards soon. Sick thing is this is just the way I like it. And, because I love you people, it’s time for another week’s worth of metal goings on, grumblings, guffaws, and stuff that just leaves you scratching your head…

For instance, our first item up for bids…

"Eeeeexxit light…Eeeeeennter—hey, waitaminute…"

According to Metallian.com, members of Excel (a now-defunct punk/metal fusion outfit) are contemplating legal action against Metallica (about time someone turned the tables for once!). Excel’s members claim that Metallica’s uber-anthem, "Enter Sandman", borrows heavily from their tune, "Tapping Into The Emotional Void" off of the album The Joke’s On You, released in 1989. If you’re doing your math, you’ll realize that this is 2 years before Metallica’s go-zillion selling self-titled album (which I refuse to call "The Black Album", because that title is already taken).

Metalliplagairism? Say it ain’t so!

Okay, I’ll say it – it ain’t so. While I think it’s a scream that someone is taking them to court for once, why did it take the guys in Excel 12 fucking years to realize that they were ripped off? You can’t tell me they’d never heard the song, because by now everyone and their mother (including mine) has heard "Enter Sandman". Being an old ECW fan, I’ve heard the song more times than I care to count, but that’s neither here nor there…

This smacks of someone being broke and desparate. Problem is, why hit the band during the St. Angry At Our Low Sales period? Why not right before Load (Of Shit) dropped when Metalica was still the best thing since sliced bread? Your timing sucks, guys.


Band Drama, part 1

Switched frontman Ben Schigel has said that he was asked by the members of Drowning Pool to be their new frontman, but he turned them down because Jason "Gong" Jones is working out just fine. Drowning Pool Bassist Stevie Benton has accused Schigel of talking out of his ass and making the story up since he never knew about it and because Jason "Gong" Jones is working out fine. I say that neither one of them could probably touch the late Dave Williams with a 20-foot pole and a HazMat suit, but I understand that the band has to carry on, in which case I’m glad that Jason "Gong" Jones is working out just fine.


Which Halo are we on again?

Nine Inch Nails mastermind Trent Reznor has announced details of the new NIN album. Titled bleedthrough, the album "explores loss and possible discovery of self, along with alternate layers of reality and perception set inside a nightmare you can't seem to wake up from, with lots of feedback." (Translation: bleedthrough = The Fragile 2.0) Aiding and abetting the new sure-to-be masterpiece are Atticus Ross (12 Rounds, Tapeworm), Jerome Dillon, Leo Herrera, mix engineer Rich Costey and Rick Rubin (a list of good shit too big to fit on this page).

Regarding the production end, Reznor says, "Computers, among other things, are ruining music these days," he said. "I hate the Pro Tooled sound of perfection and everything being 'fixed.' This record is most definitely ‘un-fixed.’" While I have the utmost confidence in Trent’s abilities behind the dials, I can only hope he’s listened to St. Anger and plans on doing "un-produced" right.


Luke, I’m your daddy

Seminal death metal band Vader have laid out a plan for their next album. Spiritual Disease, the follow-up to 2002’s Revelations will be recorded in February 2004 at PR Studio in Gdañsk with producer Piotr Lukaszewski with a tentative release date of May/June 2004. Under the terms of the present contract, this will be the final Metal Blade release for the band. No news yet on whether the band will re-sign (which Metal Blade will offer, if they’re smart) or go to another label (which, again, shouldn’t be a problem should Metal Blade decide to brain-fart).


Any bets on who joins them on-stage this time? I’ve got $5 on Christina Aguilera, Hilary Duff, and Chingy…

Aerosmith is set to return to the football field next year when they will play before kickoff at Super Bowl XXXVIII on February 1 at Reliant Stadium in Houston, Texas. Their last Super Bowl Performance was at SB XXXV in Tampa when they were joined on-stage by Britney Spears, *NSync, Mary J. Blige and Nelly. This years’ appearance is said to be part of the deal made 3 years ago, in which Tyler reportedly scored $5 million, a co-headlining tour with KISS, and 50-yard line seats in exchange for his integrity and his soul.

Christ, that headline was almost as long as the news blurb. Don’t worry, I’ll more than make up for it with the next bit of…


Band Drama, part 2

Damageplan/ex-Pantera brothers Dimebag Darrell and Vinnie Paul have tag-teamed Superjoint Ritual/ex-Pantera frontman Phil Anselmo recently in the media when asked about the good old days.

First, Dimebag in the UK’s Rock Sound magazine: "[Pantera has] been officially over since our lead singer started announcing it from stages across the United States. [He] threatened it before but when he started announcing it in the press and from onstage, that was when it became official. He never had the decency to talk to us about it. Nobody would return our calls so me and Vinnie just sat at home not knowing what the fuck was going on." Despite Phil’s apparently drug-induced stupidity, Dime still admits "we’re not ashamed of a fuckin’ thing we’ve done. It was a great ride and we wanted it to last forever. It didn’t but we’re back with Damageplan and we’re ready to kick some muthafuckin’ dick!" That last sentence hurts just thinking about it.

Damageplan features Darrell, Vinnie, singer Patrick Lachman (former Halford/Diesel Machine guitarist) and bassist Bobzilla. Their debut album, "New Found Power", will see the light of day on February 10 through Elektra Records. The group expects to begin playing select shows in January and launch a full-on North American tour to follow shortly after the album's release. Call your momma and let her know.

Meanwhile, Vinnie Paul went on record about Pantera in the new issue of Revolver. "With the last couple of Pantera records, we kept getting more and more narrow-minded because of Phil. He didn't want to experiment or take any chances, and it was like being in a tube that was getting to be so small you couldn't even breathe. Personally, I think the dude was afraid of success. He wanted to be such an underground icon that the bigger Pantera got, the more he didn't want to be involved. I did everything I could to get the guy squared away so he could have a good time. We had already agreed to take six months to a year off anyway, because we had been doing this for 12 goddamn years and we needed a break. But next thing I know, he's off doing Down with [Pantera bassist] Rex [Brown] and talking shit about us. Phil has no respect for anything and just perceives other people to be less than he is. After hearing him talking so much shit, I looked at [Dimebag] and went, ‘You know what? I think this might be the end of this. We better start doing something, because the only thing we know how to do is play music."

Did we mention that the rest of Pantera had no fucking clue about Anselmo’s herion habit until the 1996 overdose after a hometown show in Dallas? "It was about 118 degrees outside that day, so I thought the dude had passed out from heat exhaustion. He was blue and medics were hitting him in the chest. Then they're saying it's a heroin overdose, and I'm like, ‘Dude, you gotta be kidding!’ Because he used to preach antidrugs back in the day. (Ain’t that some shit?!) [In the years that followed Phil’s overdose] he was very private about [the fact that he was using again]. I don’t know if he was using the whole time or what, but it got to the point where I didn’t know which Phil was gonna show up to the gig. One night he would walk in and be a fucking animal. The next night, I’d walk backstage and he’d be lying in the corner and he’d say he was tired. I will never take anything away from that dude from when he was at the top of his game, but where he’s at right now, I think he’s much less than subpar at what he does. I have a hard time watching him when I see him on MTV talking about Superdope Ritual [sic], or whatever they’re called, and he can’t keep his fucking eyes open."

This whole thing is sad on so many levels. In the early 90s, hair metal had drawn its dying breath. Alternative rock (thanks to Nirvana’s Nevermind) had blown up big and heavy metal had gone mainstream (thanks to Metallica’s Metallica. (I told you, The Black Album is taken – and not by Jay Z). Metal fans were in a despondent state, about to see their form of music die—

Until Pantera happened. With the force of a .50-caliber machine gun, Pantera hit with a no-bullshit style and enough punch to break your nose. Their power, precision, and rage set a new standard for metal and galvanized a legion of fans hungry for the heavy stuff for over a decade.

Now it’s all over, thanks to the rampant drug habits and unjustified ego of Phil Anselmo. Without even the courtesy of telling his fellow bandmates, "Hey, I’m done," Phil up and left, starting other projects before landing in Superdope Ritual (and I know that’s not their official name, but I like Vinnie’s description so much that I plan on stealing it from here on out). All the while, Anselmo has acquired a severe, apparently incurable case of verbal diarrhea. It’s a damn shame, because Pantera would have gone on to become legendary – easily on par with how Metallica, Slayer, Anthrax, and Megadeth are still revered to this day. And they may yet still. But there was no reason for the final chapter to be written this soon, and there was no reason to go out with a whimper instead of a bang. I hope you’re proud and happy of the legacy you’re creating for yourself, Phil, because it could have been a hell of a lot better had you not pissed it away.

Jesus, I need a beer. Okay, moving on now…


Next band to be labeled sellouts

Norwegian black metal mainstays Dimmu Borgir have whooped the hell out of hundreds of other bands to land two songs in the trailer of the upcoming movie "Hellboy". The supernatural action adventure film, written and directed by Guillermo Del Toro ("Blade 2") and based on the Dark Horse Comics series of the same name, will be released nationally on April 2, 2004. Listen closely and you can already hear the elitists branding Dimmu Borgir "sellouts" for the crime of getting their music out to a few new ears.


Kick(start) My Hoe

Motley Crue bassist Nikki Sixx has disclosed that the band plans to reunite for a tour and possible album next year. No solid dates have been set yet, but the world tour would be planned to coincide with the release of the movie version of "The Dirt", based on the band’s over-the-top 2001 autobiography of the same name. Hopefully for them, the tour will not coincide with the trial date set for Vince Neil, who is accused of battery on prostitute Andrea Terry (professional name: TrixXxie Blue) at a Nevada brothel. Getting Line of the Week honors and making my job hat much easier, Lyon County District Attorney Leon Aberasturi says that there are corroborating witnesses on each side, and that "It's likely going to come down to the prostitute's credibility versus the over-the-hill rock star's credibility."


One ego to rule them all, one ego to bind them

Viggo Mortensen's upcoming album, Pandemoniumfromamerica, featuring contributions from Guns N’ Roses guitarist Buckethead, will be released through the "Lord of the Rings" actor's media company, Perceval Press, on December 5 - two weeks before "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King" drops into theaters on December 17. The record is said to have a fantasy bent ala Led Zeppelin and Queen. Elijah Wood also plays on the album, which means that Sean Astin – the Matt Damon to Wood’s Ben Affleck – can’t be too far behind. As long as there isn’t a hidden track featuring grunts, ooohs and yeahs called "Hobbit Love", we should have nothing to worry about.


Holy shit! A positive news feature about death metal??

That’s right – and you can read it here. I say it’s about damn time.


And you thought TrixXxie Blue was a whore…

Kevin Eck of Maryland’s Sunspot.net paid $1,000 for the "Kiss Platinum Package". Gene Simmons’s latest money-grubbing parcel consists of an opportunity to see KISS perform live from a seat in the first five rows and get to meet the guys and have a photo taken with them. A T-shirt, autographed tour book, set of guitar picks and a $50 coupon for KISS’ online store round out the deal, which still isn’t worth seeing a group of decrepit old fools in make-up who would sell an encounter with their own mamas if it means a few extra bucks in the KISS coffers. Never in music history has a band made so much with so little; KISS still holds the title.


A limpizkit show I would have paid to see…

limpbizkit fan site The Armpit (I could make so many jokes here) has posted a photo of frontman Fred Durst performing with blood on his chin after being hit by sharp projectile during the band's gig at the Hammerstein Ballroom on November 21. According to a New York Daily News review of the gig, Durst was heckled by the crowd throughout the show and managed to dodge a fair amount of debris — although apparently not quickly enough to avoid the above-mentioned chin-slicing hit during "Break Stuff". This brings a smile to my face, but not nearly as much as if the item thrown that connected with Durst’s chin had been a little bigger – like, say, a car battery. And I won’t comment on anything else that Durst catches on his chin on a regular basis.


All work and no play

The band Frameshift, consisting of mainly Henning Pauly of Chain and James LaBrie of Dream Theater, has released Unweaving the Rainbow, an album based on evolution-themed books by Richard Dawkins. LaBrie also recently traveled to Electric Castle studios in Holland to lay down his vocals on the new Ayreon CD, The Human Equation, due out in May of next year. AND Dream Theater’s new album, Train of Thought, is out in wide release, waiting on you to go pick it up even as we speak. Too much James LaBrie is never enough.

And finally…


Horror band comments on ghoul

Outspoken My Ruin frontwoman Tarrie B has weighed in on the ongoing Michael Jackson child-molestation controversy with an explosive post on the band's official web site. Reader’s Digest Condensed Version: He’s guilty. He bought his way out of the first accusation, and he’ll do it again. Everyone who pretends he’s normal is to blame. Playing the race card is a joke. The whole thing makes her sick. Amen, sister – I’m getting tired of hearing about it, too.

And no, I’m not going to comment on Michael Jackson. This is a metal column, you dummy! Instead, I’m going to bid my farewells, wish you and yours a wild, woolly, wonderful holiday weekend, and catch up with you here (hopefully) next week for some more fun and games. Until then, bang your head – just not into a brick wall.

double M
11/26/03


For more interesting (?) reading, click here.