Well, well, well...

Thanks for stopping by the first-ever column of on Maximum Metal. My name is Johnny Pardon and I'm your host for this week's stripped down, naked run through the mind of a metalhead.

Contents
=========
--Blackest of the Black Tour
--St. Anger
--Summer Sanitarium 2003 Tour
--Newsted Gigs
--Anthrax Are Coming For You
--AC/DC and the R&R Hall of Fame
--Random Thoughts
--Column Question
--Closing
--Noises of War


BLACKEST OF THE BLACK TOUR
-------------------------------------------
Let me start off this column with the "Blackest of the Black" tour. Even though a lot of the changes to the Danzig-led tour have been posted here, I've completely lost track of who's on it.

As posted at this site:
3/10 - DANZIG, IMMORTAL, SUPERJOINT RITUAL and THE HAUNTED are confirmed
3/17 - MESHUGGAH and NILE on
3/17 - IMMORTAL and THE HAUNTED have officially withdrawn
3/18 - OPETH Added
3/20 - MESHUGGAH off; LACUNA COIL and BEHEMOTH on

With all the bands that have either been signed on or have been dropped from the tour, I'm not even sure if Danzig himself will be there!


ST. ANGER
---------------
Ktulu has been sleeping these past years on the edge of the Metalverse. It stirs awake anxious and peers a hundred crusty eyes at the doorway waiting to shamble through and unleash seething rage upon the masses.

The hype about Metallica's soon-to-come disc "St. Anger" has me actually thinking of picking the cd up when it comes out. I know there's a set of old-school, pre-Bob Rock Metallica fans that believe the band sold-out from the Black album on and a division that prefers the "loaded" discs.

Being an old-schooler, I just couldn't get into the cum-n-blood cd cover newer stuff they put out and if I hear "Nothing Else Splatters" on the radio anymore I'm gonna wrap myself in aluminum foil and climb the nearest classic-rock signal tower during the next big thunderstorm. Give me a Metallica where frontman James Hetfield isn't trying sing. Granted, a lot of vocalists in metal sound like a box of rocks (Brian Johnson, Lemmy), but they generally fit the song style. You can't sing James, know this. If my remarks piss you off, then--good. That's what I want! Make "anger" the key word of your album title.

Now, just have Lars take some the energy that comes from his mouth and transfer it to his drumming and we'll be all set. Kirk and his thirty seconds of Hendrix shouldn't change anything and hopefully the addition of new bassist, Robert Trujillo (ex-Suicidal Tendencies) will get some fresh ideas out of the band. Make sure you leave Sarsippius at home, guys.


SUMMER SANITARIUM TOUR
---------------------------------------
Whereas I'm anticipating, "St. Anger", I don't think I'll be in line for the Summer Sanitarium 2003 tour. Sure Metallica and the other bands put on an energetic show, but the landscape of the crowd is going to be a bit odd. The chicks will probably be super hot, but if some beanie-wearing foo comes up to me and starts in on the "Yo, yo, yo, nookie like the cookie" and psuedo-moshes towards me for the cockus blockus, I'm afraid I might give him an old-school kick in the groin, piledrive him into my chair and miss the Metallica set. It's just not worth the night in jail, so I'll stick with the indy scene.


NEWSTED GIGS
--------------------
I couldn't be happier for Jason Newsted getting the gig with Ozzy. I don't know the guy personally, but he seems to be a down-to-earth guy that just wants to get out there and jam. Years of downtime with Metallica just doesn't work for a guy like that. Now, he's got the VOIVOD and the Ozzfest action going on to keep him thrashing to his heart's content. Good for you, man.


ANTHRAX ARE COMING FOR YOU
--------------------------------------------
Anthrax is now on with Iron Maiden's Sanctuary Records and have set a May 6th American release date for their for their latest CD, "We've Come For You All". The band must've been asking for some decent money as long as it took for them to get a deal. From what I hear, the new cd is killer and it has a fantastic cover by renowned comic artist Alex Ross. All you file-traders will miss out on the enhanced portion containing an official bootleg video and never-before-seen photos unless you pick it up new.


AC/DC AND THE R&R HALL OF FAME
----------------------------------------------
Probably the first metal/hard rock song I remember hearing was from AC/DC back in the late 70's and now the boys from Down Under have made the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Some of the other inductees made various war statements. I knew Angus and the boys wouldn't. Did you really expect a band that has spent 30 years writing the best drinkin and fuckin songs around to jump on a soapbox and start throwing out political discourse? Hell, no. Course, we wouldn't have know what they said anyway.

AC/DC has had great songs from both of it's main eras--The Bon Scott and the Brian Johnson eras. The first era produced greats like "Dirty Deeds", Highway to Hell", "Ride On", and "Let There Be Rock". The second had hits like "Back in Black", "You Shook Me", "For Those About To Rock", "Thunderstruck" and others. With a full catalog of straight-up rock & roll numbers and some innovative metal classics, they are a legendary band and everyone should make it to at least one AC/DC concert before they die.

We salute you AC/DC and long live Bon Scott!!!


RANDOM THOUGHTS
-----------------------------
--If you shake hands with KISS' Gene Simmons, I'd suggest you not only check for your rings, but also for your fingers.

--Lars Ulrich has nothing to say about the war. I'm shocked when he has nothing to say about anything, but he did take a while just to say something about nothing.

--I knew they were stashing Zeppelin stuff. The new releases will be mine.

--It's great to see AC/DC and Aerosmith still taking names unlike some others (cough, cough) Van Halen.

--Kelly Osbourne sure is getting a lot press space for her comments lately. She must have a new publicist to go with her lawyer.

--Rumor has it that Roman Polanski celebrated his Oscar win with some 12 year old Scotch and a 13 year old girl.

--The girls on Survivor stripped for food, but were looking pretty thin. They should rename the show "Concentration Camp Survivor". Heidi looks like an Auchwitz Barbie.


COLUMN QUESTION
---------------------------
Who do you feel is doing really inventive stuff with heavy metal that people should know about?

Send your suggestions to me --> here <-- at Maximum Metal or open up some discussion about my question or anything else in the Rawface forum.


CLOSING
-------------
I want to close by thanking the guys here at Maximum Metal for giving me the chance to write for them and drop a pound of my views and give a shout to Rawface member Neekoy for naming this column. I could write more but a person shouldn't have to read so much their bladder gives out.

As I end this first column, I compiled some remarks from our metal community that has been outspoken and is making their own noise on both sides of the US-Iraqi Conflict.


Support your Indy Metal!!!


"668 - The Neighbor of the Beast"
John Pardon
04.01.2003

SITE PICK: MarksFriggin.com--daily Howard Stern news and updates!



NOISES OF WAR
----------------------
"Without just cause of reason, without legal or moral justification, and without a thread of proof that Iraq directly threatens the security of the United States, the Bush administration has headed to war..." --Zack De La Rocha

"Our current administration's foreign policy strikes me as being reckless, inhumane, and hopelessly out of step with the so-called 'values' it claims to defend. We, the world's only superpower, have immense capacity to ease human suffering throughout the world, yet we choose to inflict it upon those who deem a threat to our agenda of empire." --DJ Shadow

"I really feel those guys...I really owe a lot to them for really going there to do the best and to prevent Iraq, and to keep our safety at home, and I told that to them as well." --SOULFLY frontman Max Cavalera

"I can understand that Americans don't like to hear this cover version ("Fuck The U.S.A."), likewise the world didn't want this war for oil! It's time for Americans now to speak out against this war and not to repeat Bush's war slogans!
-- DESTRUCTION bassist/vocalist Marcel Schirmer

"I don't know if there's such a thing as pro-war, but if there is, that's me," Portnoy told Blistering.com. "I mean, nobody wants to go to war, nobody wants to see innocent people killed, but it seems to me that a lot of Americans are quickly forgetting the impact and the outcome of what happened on 9-11." --DREAM THEATER drummer Mike Portnoy

"...people can say what they want but it won't make a difference...Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and they can say whatever they want. We were never disputing that fact. Like I said, our point was that no matter who speaks out, it wont make a difference because the Bush and Blair are working to their own agenda. They obviously don't give a fuck." --LOSTPROPHETS singer Ian Watkins

"I pray for all of the people over in Iraq that are fighting in this war. And I pray for anyone who gets hurt or is killed in this war. I also pray for all of the American troops that are fighting this war...We have to support our country now because we are at the point of no return now. Go USA! Go freedom for Iraq!" --LIMP BIZKIT frontman Fred Durst

"...we'd like to have the [video for the new SYSTEM OF A DOWN single] 'Boom!' . . .help change the way people think about the solution to our global problems. We want to make the idea of dropping bombs, of waging war seem as antiquated and ridiculous as it is today for an Afro-American to have to sit at the back of the bus." --SYSTEM OF A DOWN guitarist Daron Malakian

"We would also like to take the chance to express our opinion on the war against Iraq. It is wrong and should be stopped immediately!!!" --Swedish band AMARAN

""How many Iraqis per gallon?" and "Somewhere in Texas, a Village is Missing an Idiot" --message scrolled across the stage at AUDIOSLAVE concert

"We don't give a fuck! It's not our problem. Let the tanks roll..." --Sweden's MARDUK

"...we have the best troops in the world, so I mean they're just going to go over there and crush and dominate and then they can get everybody back home...They're a bunch of candy-ass little pussies. They may start doing that whole terrorism thing, you know what I mean. That's the only thing that may get a little sticky. Aside from that, I don't see how it's going to change much." --OZZY OSBOURNE/BLACK LABEL SOCIETY guitarist Zakk Wylde

""The war in Iraq has begun. I am only speaking for myself, but I am for it. However, I do question the timing. We should have done this ten years ago and thereby spared the suffering of many Iraqi innocents who have died and suffered under one of history's great tyrants...On September 11 the United States woke up to the realization that defensive postures cost lives, and America would no longer wait for a disaster to happen..." --BALLISTIC mainman Tom Gattis

"I guess I have trouble with myself using METALLICA as some kind of soapbox to stand up and talk about what I feel – it's always been awkward for me, so I'd rather not go there. Read the papers, go on the Internet, do what you've gotta do, formulate your own opinions, don't listen to some fuckin' drummer in a rock band about what to think about the war, you know what I mean?!" --METALLICA drummer Lars Ulrich

"War is good when good survives and evil is crushed. If you don't crush evil then evil will get you...The way that you eliminate bad and ugly is either through activism and policy making that never tolerates evil — instead of the liberal politically correct policy of accepting evil and accepting other points of views that destroy lives. We the thoughtful, productive people of American have got to take our freedom back." --TED NUGENT

I am for this war (My Grand in the 2nd and my Dad in 101st Viet Nam). Those people deserve to be able to live there lives w/ out being tortured every day!! Get Saddam out and let the people free.